Tuesday, June 24, 2008

"Best Of" Posts on Narcissists Suck

As mentioned in the last post I'm taking a summer hiatus from blogging. For the benefit of those who are finding my blog in my absence I encourage you to read the posts in the archives. You can either read by month in the order I posted them, or check out the labels in column on the left of the front page for some idea of the various topics covered by posts.

I have assembled here a short list of some of the popular pages of Narcissists Suck based on page hits. I will throw in a few of my choices as well.

Your Narcissistic Mother

Angry with a Narcissist?

It Ain't Personal

The High Price of Peace at Any Cost

Narcissists Can't Be Rehabilitated

Your Most Fundamental Right

Two Models of Family (Part one of two) Decision Time (Part two)

The Family Tyrant

A Force of Nature

An Accurate Measure of Mental Health ISN'T Lack of Anger

The Last Straw

Savior Complex and Refresher on the Savior Complex

Disproportional Responses...


Anonymous said...

Thank you, Anna! for listing these posts!

I noticed in re-reading them (I started reading your blog in the early fall of last year...) how I 'savour' them now. It seems I was SO famished for this information and validation that I swilled it down....post after post.....and now I am getting the full import and impact. Wow...all over again.!!!!

Anna Valerious said...

hey, krl, thanks! It is great to hear that the posts are just as good on the second pass-through. I appreciate knowing that. :o)

God bless.

Anonymous said...

In the last few days I've been working myself through these posts. It's been a nice experience just to read a bunch quietly and think about them. Thanks. You do really have a goldmine of info here.

Hope the break has been off to a good start! Best wishes for the summer, and thanks again for your above-the-call-of-duty generosity and sharing of your time and energy in making all this info free for people to discover and use, again and again.

Anonymous said...

3 cheers for your updated Comment Policy
! ! !

Anonymous said...

"Two Models of Family (Part one of two)"

This portion of your list popped up as "This blog not found." or something like that. Could you take a look, please? Thanks.

Anna Valerious said...

Thank you,krl. It's fixed now. :o)

Anonymous said...

Hey Anna Just read your Disclaimer.
Love it!! Especially the names being changed to protect the GUILTY!!!! My emphasis. I had a good chuckle and Lord knows I need it often. Still dealing w/ the STB-ex. Convoluted BS..go figure

Soni Cido said...

Well Glory b to God I'm so thankful to have found you again! we are really gonna need you now that Kathy is no longer with us


Anonymous said...

Hey Anna Missin you and your blog!!
Boo whoo for me!! Hope your getting lots of rest and relaxation and fun!! Jac

Anonymous said...

Sure do miss you....hoping you are enjoying your summer!

Anna Valerious said...

Hey peeps! I just got home this evening from a trip away. There were seven comments waiting for approval. I am hopeful that nobody thought that their comments were deep-sixed!

It was nice coming back to see some comments being left, new people finding my blog, and that some of you are missing me. That's sweet. Summer is sizzling right now. I drove home in 105 F heat today...six hours on the road. Can't complain too much since I do have an air-conditioned car. Yes, I'm greatly enjoying my summer. I've been busy and mostly staying out of trouble. I might be in the mood to write again come September. Keep your fingers crossed!

Anonymous said...

Ahhhhh - where have you been all my life?! I'm loving and learning so much from your blog. I woke up a few years back and realized I was brought up by narcissists and in turn, attracted them into my life; boyfriends and so-called friends. You've given me hope that it's not me. I'm not crazy. I don't need to keep trying to be better and do it "right" this time in order to gain their love. It's liberating to read about someone else who has walked away from the N's in their life. God bless you in your walk.

Anna Valerious said...


All the best to you as you get off the hamster wheel and start on a new life sans the narcissists!

Anonymous said...

I saw your update comment here. Let me just be one to say that I have really missed your perspective over the summer and I hope you are able to think of things to write in September.

With your vacation and the loss of Kathy, it's been a long, dry summer ; ). I do not at all begrudge you the rest, but you are not forgotten in cyberspace and I hope you can return when you are ready.

Thank you for all of your insight, validation, and encouragement. Even if you never write another word you have been a tremendous blessing.


Anna Valerious said...

Thank you, Renewed, for your comment. I'm having a busy summer and have enjoyed not having to think about the ways of Ns. Hopefully I can insert my mind back into it soon. I have pulled so far out of it that I can't even think of what I would write about. So if anyone has a question that is relevant to NPD ... fire away. It could help me get back into the groove.

Right now I'm dealing with my second week plus of having a very painful back. My left sacroiliac joint gives me fits sometimes. It had been three years since I had the S.I. joint go whacked on me. This wasn't as bad but recovery has been slow for various reasons. Oy. Makes sitting at the computer a challenge. So right now I'm just trying to cope with that.

Cathy said...

Bummer about your SI joint. I'm sorry to hear about that. Joints are funny. You never know what is going to set them off and then you never know how long they will remain in an agitated state. Hmmm . . . sounds familiar. I guess I'd rather deal with my joints than the former N in my life. Right now it's my neck and your arse (well, close enough anatomically!)

Hopefully you will be able to plop your behind in front of the computer at just the right time - at such time as the mood strikes you to weave some more magic!

Much to my surprise, I haven't done much checking of the site over the summer. I'm glad that I just did. It was good to hear that you are doing well except for your back. Take care of yourself! You are such a blessing!

NNL (I think I may have lost my blogger identiy and will have to figure out how to reinstate it!)

Anna Valerious said...

Right now it's my neck and your arse (well, close enough anatomically!)


Thanks for the amusing mental picture with the accompanying laugh! Sorry to hear about your neck. My neck is more screwed up than my arse...I blame my messed up skeletal system on my being raised by a narcissist. I had some bad accidents in childhood that were never addressed. My neck got the worst of it. But, for now, it's my butt that is screaming the most. The chiropractor is making some real progress for me. The last adjustment was Wednesday afternoon and everything was fundamentally changed. I could tell that this time it really improved. So I think I'm mending now. Thanks for commiserating with me. I hope you can get some relief for your neck soon. Nobody needs a pain in the neck!

I hope you find your blogger identity...t'wouldn't want you to have an identity crisis! Good to hear from ya. Ta ta for now!

Anonymous said...

I am a 58 year old husband of a 60 year old woman who has been the victim of her 81 year old Nmother for all of her life. After being married to her for 29 years, your postings have finally given definition to her relationship. Her father, whom she loved dearly, died prematurely trying to be the glue that held the family together. He was only 71. On his deathbed, he made two statements to my wife. 1. She is not going to make this easy on you. 2. I wish you knew your mother before she got sick. He knew she was ill. Now we do too....and what the illness is...thanks to your blogs.

Unknown said...

Though my experience with the narcissist was not a blood relative, it was a severely emotionally destructive and isolating experience, especially as it was paired with the vulnerabilities of adolescence . I do not think I would be able to live with such dignity if it were not for people such as yourself whom are brave enough to share your encounters with these horrid beings. It is a difficult, yet revelatory process.

Coach Paul Strobl said...


I really appreciate the work you put into this blog. I'm an ACON as well, and it took me many years to be okay and feel healthy. I went no contact several years ago, but today, with my "buttons" all disconnected, I can face the N's and interact when necessary without any anxiety at all.

Please keep doing what you're doing.


Huddy's Journal of Life said...

Ahhh...I love that there are websites I can read that help me calm down from a bizarre and inappropriate email I recently got from my narcissist brother. I am a 39 year old female who just recently realized for the first time that my mother (probably a narcissist) raised my narcissist brother-the GOLDEN CHILD. It all makes sense now. My young son and I went to visit my brother recently, and my brothers presence- his seething anger and selfishness- sent me into a state of flashbacks of bad things from my childhood. I realized that I needed to seek help and realized just how bad my home life was when I was young. I have gone to therapy and have become very aware and empowered. I cant believe it took me this long to figure it out. My brother nearly killed me when I was 10 and he never even received a slap on the wrist. I can almost laugh about the absurdity now, although I had never told a soul about it before a few weeks ago. I protected him throughout the whole experience-at the hospital, at home, and for my entire life. I was such a trapped little girl who always felt like I was about to get into trouble and was terrified a lot. I feel so much stronger now. It's awesome to be an adult and be able to live my life without guilt for the first time ever. I still have to deal with intimacy issues, but I have already come so far. So much more peace with myself. Upon returning home, I demanded boundaries and distanced myself from my brother. I am so grateful that he lives far away, so I don't have to see him. The latest narcissistic thing he did was send me an email that was such a laughable attempt at being nice to me....haha I should post it. But it hurt my feelings pretty badly for a couple days, and now I read other peoples stories on-line and realize I am not alone. Thank you so much. I did not respond to his email-just ignored it. I'm fine with the choice to distance myself. Hopefully he will find someone else to get his Narcissistic Supply soon. Thanks again for all your stories and experiences.

Itsmylife said...

Hi Anna, Could you add a search function to your blog? I have been reading a lot but can't find some posts I wanted to re-read. Shoud have taken notes. Anywat hope this a possibility, think it would be a great addition. Thanks for this blog, I have already spent many hours here reading. Thanks for putting what I feel is true into words, it has been hard for me to find the right words myself, very grateful you gave them to me! J.

Anna Valerious said...

There is a search function. Upper left corner of page.

Fresh Basil said...

Anna Valerious thank you. Of course 38 years have led me to many directions of healing and logical reason-building, but your post has recently served as a tool beyond family matters. Seems a new "friend" has gazed upon the same easy prey a parent once did, my father, and through your writing, though I did second guess myself a few days after a weird argument with this "friend," it became very clear to me this person was exemplifying, as you'd have it, malignant narcissism. Ahh! Score double for the Slayer. I'll have to see that film now. You've now played a role in demystifying some confusing relationships in my life. Moving on now. Thanks again!

Annieb said...

As a Mental Health Nurse I celebrate your truths about DSM. As a Vampire Slayer in training I am just so grateful for your frank insights...sorry some came thru. pain. Appreciate the reality of their poor prognosis, and a hopefulness for those us us untangling. Can't wait to read more. Too much truth for me today. :)

Anna Valerious said...


Your comment in light of your background intrigues me much. If you are inclined, I'd love to get an email from you to hear how you came to transition from a Mental Health Nurse to a "Vampire Slayer in training" as you put it. I'm also interested to hear why you agree with me about the DSM. If you're not up to that, then just know I appreciate hearing from you here in the comments. It is good to have on record here that someone in the profession agrees with my conclusions.