The Ties that Bind

Elise made a comment on the last blog post that got me to thinking. (Hi, Elise!) She said:

It took me 40 years to wise up about my N-mom. And that's without a framework of Christianity (or any other religion) in my head.

If I'd had those expectations to deal with too, I shudder to think how much longer I might have wrestled with trying to "fix" her and trying to be the "good daughter".

I have made the observation here that it can be extremely difficult for a Christian to justify leaving off all contact with their abusive parents. There is a plethora of Bible verses that are misused to keep adult children from holding their abusive parents to account. In my posts on the 5th commandment I deal with biggest Christian club of all where it concerns the parent/child relationship. Then there is the culture of "nice" that seems to have taken over Christianity. Hurting someone's feelings is a sin now.

I contemplate Elise's comment and ponder the difficulty all decent people have in cutting off an abusive and unrepentant parent no matter whether you as a person is religious or not. What makes families from around the globe put up with so much shit from their narcissistic family members?

There is a long historical account of the many and varied peoples who have engaged in ancestor worship. Sometimes it isn't so much worship as just veneration and respect. Stick with me. I'm not calling Elise an ancestor worshiper; let's just explore this concept a little. This is a new thought to me...so I'm exploring it with you here.

People groups from ancient Indo-European and Roman cultures had a strong tradition of ancestor veneration. Of course, many and varied oriental cultures engaged in various types of ancestor worship and/or veneration as well as some African peoples. Many of the smaller people groups who are generally described as "animistic" in their belief system were also big into ancestor worship or veneration. There is a strong strain of ancestor veneration in Catholicism. My point is: History's testimony reveals that humanity shows a strong proclivity toward this form of thinking and belief. Widely disparate people groups (many of whom had no contact with each other) engage in a common belief that venerating their ancestors is necessary and right.

What is basic in the culture of ancestor worship and/or veneration is how it affects the living and relationships in the family. Quoting from MSN Encarta:

Ancestor worship is a strong indication of the value placed on the household and of the strong ties that exist between the past and the present. The beliefs and practices connected with the cult help to integrate the family, to sanction the traditional political structure, and to encourage respect for living elders. Some scholars have also interpreted it as a source of individual well-being and of social harmony and stability. Because it is practiced by family groups, ancestor worship excludes proselytizing and rarely involves a separate priesthood. It has no formal doctrines and is ordinarily an aspect of some larger religious system.

Emphasis mine. Notice how ancestor veneration or worship is primarily focused on the living. It is not just about dead ancestors, it is more about the structure of the family, reinforcement of family loyalties and political advantages and ensuring good treatment of the living elders in the family. Notice, too, that it has "no formal doctrines and is ordinarily an aspect of some larger religious system." This underlines the reality that this type of belief system is not attached to any particular set of religious beliefs. Which means it could be a belief system not attached to any religion. In a sense, this strong and universal penchant of humans to venerate their elders is more basic and pervasive than any other form of religious practice or belief.

It appears that humans are hard-wired to keep families intact. This is not a bad way to think except when it gives a pass to evil-doers. What proves the religious aspect of this veneration of elders (be they alive or dead) is that it is nearly impervious to reason which means it is an emotion based belief system. When emotions are appealed to more than the mind then blind faith is the result. When we're talking about an emotion-based faith system we are talking about a form of religion. There is sin and the need for virtue. Both are defined, not by any "formal doctrines", but by the rules and desires of the living elders. The lack of "formal doctrines" means there is a subjective set of rules depending on the culture or family. The ones at the top are making the rules. This explains why this is such a universal phenomena...it adapts to any people group or family. Better hope your ancestors are righteous and not evil. Obviously, if you have grasping, evil living elders then the penalties for non-compliance can be very severe. They may even come back to getcha after death! (As some ancestor worshipers believe.)

Ancestor veneration is a lot less about the dead and a lot more about the living. It is about the living elders and how they try to enforce the treatment of themselves in a human society. It seems that undergirding natural human emotions about family units is this propensity to venerate our living elders. We should be able to respect and look up to them. I believe that was in God's original design, but because evil exists this proclivity of humanity to venerate their elders is exploited by those who want to prostitute power and control to their own ends. When narcissists get a hold of a system which demands unquestioning obedience to elders who make and enforce the rules -- then tyranny thrives. They abuse the power because narcissists abuse all power they manage to grab a hold of. The narcissist will corrupt the family system for their own selfish use. Anything that is good can be corrupted.

The more we are prone to venerate the family unit above principles of right and wrong...the harder will be our escape from broken family systems. You don't have to be religious in a formal sense to have a religious view of the family as the center of all things. We have to consider the very real possibility that we are blindly venerating the family unit when we find ourselves unable to justify severing ourselves from evil family members. Christian or not, we serve our own families best if we adhere to principles of morality above blind veneration of our living elders. Because any good thing can be corrupted by bad people we must remain dedicated to objective moral principles more than to blood relations. Blood relations are not "holy". Neither is age. Age is not the only qualification for respect. Respect must be earned. When the aged have lived a long life with a clear record of being respectable then we honor them with respect and listen to their advice because they have proven themselves wise. If they have lived unselfishly we are better able to trust their insights and advice as being truly in our best interests. Humanity likes to believe that with age comes wisdom, but as the saying goes: "Age doesn't always bring wisdom; sometimes age comes alone."

I'm trying to express what I see as a unifying feature for all people regardless of religious background or lack thereof. There seems to be a natural (and commendable, in my opinion) sense in all decent human beings that we should respect and look up to those who have been on the planet longer than we have. (This is actually quite logical.) This obviously includes our parents. I think we also need to acknowledge that humanity also has a natural weakness to venerate the dishonorable just because the dishonorable hold certain venerable titles. It is this blind allegiance to the dishonorable that I'm trying to bring attention to. If we insist that title trumps morality then we will stay stuck and abused in corrupt family systems. If we dedicate ourselves to living by objective moral standards then it may require that we sever family connections. We have to employ our heads in this matter which can be a significant challenge in the emotionally charged atmosphere of familial relationships.

Thanks, Elise, for your perspective. I have enjoyed exploring the train of thought you sparked in me. I hope it is apparent that I am sympathizing with the difficulty you've had recognizing the narcissism in your mother. My point in this post is that no matter one's religious background there is a strong undercurrent which pulls all of us in the same direction...that of staying in a destructive and dangerous family situation. Those of us who pull away from destructive family members are all up against a strong, almost primal, human belief in the sacredness of the "ties that bind".

Letting Go of a Fantasy so You Can Grab Hold of Real Life

Occasionally I will use Google to see what people "out there" are saying about my blog. I was very interested to see someone define my blog as "too negative" and then go on to describe the hope for redemption they still nurture for their narcissist parent all stated inside the context of being a good Christian.

I find this comment about my blog very interesting because it is so upside down from the usual. It is an inverse viewpoint...the flipside of the reactions of others to my ruminations. Why the dichotomous difference in opinion? I'll share my theories.

I completely agree that this blog would appear to be very negative to someone who is determined to believe it is their Christian duty to not only believe in the hope for redemption for the narcissist, but to also believe they must stay with the narcissist to ensure that outcome. I'm obviously very negative on these points. I do not in any way encourage people to nurture hope for the narcissist's eventual reformation, nor do I encourage anyone's savior complex. In fact, I categorically state that the hope is so very slim as to be statistically insignificant. I emphasize over and over the need for emotional and physical distance from the vampires among us. To the person dedicated to believing the unbelievable, yeah, I "get" that I'm a bucket of cold water.

Here's the deal. I am completely dedicated to reality. Realists are often accused of being negative because some aspects of reality are not pretty. For those who are in constant pursuit of dreams and rainbows the realist is a curmudgeon. Curmudgeons can't get no respect from the idealists.

Many of you have been slamming your heads against the brick wall otherwise known as the narcissist for so long your brain pan is seriously dented making you worry about possible brain damage. You've expended herculean amounts of energy trying to find ways to make the narcissist happy only to fail endlessly. You come here and find out that you don't have to kill yourself in order to hopefully save the narcissist because it is humanly impossible to save them. You find out that you can't save the narcissist, you can only save yourself and your family from them. You find out you aren't responsible for saving the narcissist, and you breathe for the first time in years. You've tried to accomplish the impossible for years now and are ready to embark on the possible. So when you come here to read you find hope and relief for your weary heart and mind. The very opposite of "too negative"...you find hope and positive direction for your future here. The negative news about the narcissist (unreformable) translates into very positive news for you: freedom to pursue life without them.

Perhaps this should be the motto for my blog:

Close your heart off to the impossible -- Open your heart to the possible.

You can not insist on clinging to a fantasy and have any hope of living successfully in reality. Real life is where the really good stuff happens. It is a shame to miss out on the lasting and real joys life offers by persisting on living in la-la land. If you insist on trying to accomplish the impossible you will end up having accomplished nothing. If you can let go of trying to do the impossible it opens up the possible before your feet. We accomplish a lot more in our lives when we persist in pursuing the possible.

Some things truly are impossible. Here in America there is a lore, a mythos, that we can dream the impossible dream and then go out and make that dream come true. Truly, people have often accomplished what seemed to be impossible through very hard work and absolute dedication to their goal. Obviously, they proved the impossible to be possible. So they really weren't pursuing the impossible, were they. But we like to take those success stories and go on to pretend that anything is possible if we just want it enough. As if the strength of our wishing can make anything happen. This is the way children think.

Since I was a child I have wished I could fly. I would often have dreams when I was a child of being able to fly under my own power. If I spent every waking moment telling myself that I could actually fly on my own (without mechanized assistance) then surely I would sprout wings, right? Would all of you be cruel curmudgeons if you stuck a needle in my dream balloon by telling me I was wasting my time and emotional energy on the impossible? No, you would be doing me a favor by helping me realize I was in danger of losing out on the good things in life that were possible for me to gain if I would only decide to abandon my dedication to the impossible.

Face it folks, some things are impossible to accomplish. This may go against your belief in miracles or in the power of visualization, but the fact remains. There are plenty of things we as human beings can not do no matter how hard we try. Reforming a narcissist falls into this category. We lack the power to change another human being. Period. We can barely change ourselves let alone take on a successful project of changing another human being...and a profoundly disordered one at that.

I do not peddle pipe dreams here. People have to go somewhere else for that. I'm not interested in supporting someone's vain fantasy about helping or reforming the narcissist. My goal here is not to cut any slack for the immoral narcissist who cuts a swathe of misery through the lives of others. I am all for supporting those who can see their way clear to leave the evil and immoral one to themselves to live in the hell of their own devising. Even God Himself does this. Are we saying we better than Him by persisting in our belief that the persistently and consistently evil narcissist can "see the light" only if we stick with them? The worship of one's self is idolatry. The narcissist is engaged in a complete dedication to their worship of self. What is God's message to the persistent idolater?

"Ephraim is joined to idols: let him alone." Hosea 4:17

I refuse to pretend I am wiser than the God who made this pronouncement. I contend that leaving the narcissist to his self-worship is Biblical and righteous.

Book Review: "Help! I’m in Love With a Narcissist"

This may be old news to some, but I just stumbled across this Seattle PI review of this book. Just in case it might be of interest to you:

Help! I’m in Love With a Narcissist by Julia Sokol and Steven Carter.

The book looks like it is focused on romantic relationships with narcissists. A timely subject for our day. I haven't read this book myself, but if any of you have then please feel free to post in the comments your review of the book.

Residential Evil

I watched the first "Resident Evil" movie a couple of nights ago. It is a zombie movie set in a high tech world. This is not my definition of a scary movie. Zombies don't scare me because they are not in any way real. I have no expectation or even a tiny fear that I'll some day have to run from a zombie dragging its leg in a slow-mo chase as it tries to feed on my brain.

No, what really scares me is evil that resides in every day, normal-looking people. Evil that lives in residential houses and cloaks its malignancy behind a sweet face. Evil that speaks smooth and charming words right before it sticks a knife in your back. Yeah, that kind of evil scares me. Zombies are child's play.

Which brings me back to my mother. A woman who has courted with an unseen and evil being all her life. A woman who has imbibed long and often of the spirit of evil until it has become her own so that she is, in her own right and by her full consent, evil.

My mother's contact with the supernatural operates on a couple of levels in her mind. Bad and good. Bad = the kind she doesn't feel in control of. Good = the kind she feels she controls. Bad = it comes from the "dark side". Good = it comes from God.

Since her childhood my mother has been occasionally visited by a dark, evil being. This has continued to the present. She has talked about it some with me, though not a lot. She has come across as just a little ashamed to admit that an evil being waltzes with regularity into her bedroom at night. Less so in more recent years now that she has convinced herself she has some control of these events and has found a way to make it into evidence that she is special to God.

It was quite distressing to her when the visits would happen in the early years of her marriage. What she found especially unreal and frightening was that it would happen with my father asleep next to her and he has never once awakened during them. She could usually feel the approach of the visitor and would be awake before it would show itself at the foot of her bed. It would sometimes then feel like it was sitting on her feet. Its presence was terrifying because it felt so malevolent. It wasn't coming for tea. My mother must not have felt the full paralysis that is often described by others (and what I've experienced) because she would try to rouse my father by calling his name and trying to nudge him. She said it was like he was in a coma. She couldn't even detect him breathing. She could hear the "being" taunt her (in her mind) telling her she wouldn't be able to rouse him. I am wondering if there was a sexual component to these visits. That is something she would never share.

In more recent years she has told me that she no longer fears this visitor when "he" shows up. (Always a "male" presence.) She says he is trying to frighten her so she will not give him what she thinks he wants. She feels protected by "my Jesus" so she faces her long-time visitor with almost a flippant attitude. She now acts as though she almost welcomes this visitor because she can now face him without the fear he comes to feed off of. This seems to prove to her that she is now the precious child of Jesus. She has turned these frightening and uncontrollable events into yet another thing that convinces her of how special and holy she is. Talk about a spin-zone.

Then there is the "good". She loves the dreams. She believes that certain dreams are little gifts to her from God. Here is a fairly recent example which was shared with my cousin and her sons. My mother, in her boastful and "I'm so holy" attitude, told her captive audience that it had been a long time since she'd had one of her "dreams". Here is what she said, "So I asked God to send me one. He does this for me because he knows I don't like surprises." Which, by the way, is a completely unbiblical belief. She proceeds to tell her hostages, "The next night he sent me a dream. In the dream the whole family gathers for a family picture. When the picture is developed I was the only one who could see the demon standing in the picture." Neither my cousin nor her sons can remember what significance my mother ascribed to this "revelation" of a demon in the family picture. Probably because it didn't make much sense to them at the time perhaps because my mother was not willing to tell them what she really thought it meant. Considering the significant distance I had already put between myself and my mother at that time perhaps that demon was me.

Yes, my mother feels she has a certain amount of control over the supernatural world in the form of her dreams. Those dreams make her feel "special". Like God is giving her extra special attention and latitude because "he knows I hate surprises". She has said this to me hundreds of times starting from my childhood. God not only sends her dreams...he supposedly gives her premonitions about the future. It is his way of lessening the shock that an unforeseen event would give her. My story about my getting pregnant at 17 years of age and then running away to elope shot holes clean through her assertions because she was completely blind-sided by those events. It nearly unseated her mind. She is right...she doesn't handle surprises well because they suggest she isn't in control. She is wrong...God does not inform her of the future. She is a very paranoid narcissist. The paranoia increases with her age. If you assume a suspicious attitude about everything and everyone it is likely that you'll be right some of the time. At least, you'll be able to convince yourself you were right some of the time.

In my opinion, the separation of the bad supernatural from the good supernatural as my mother separates it is another fabrication of her mind. I think it all comes from the same source. I have ample proof my mother is an malignant human being. I do not believe that God is smiling down on her and granting her special favors. She is being manipulated. Her belief that she can control the supernatural is a belief that grants her a sense of control over every possible outcome. That belief is her damnation. It is leading her deeper and deeper in the hell of a completely dedicated narcissistic mind.

Are there supernatural evil beings, demons, walking the dark corridors of our minds and our homes? There is no proof of such claims. There is only evidence. There is not a single civilization on this planet that doesn't believe in supernatural evil. No matter how far removed from each other that certain civilizations have been they all believe in demonic forces. That is some kind of proof in and of itself. I don't believe that being contacted by dark, unseen forces is a commentary on the state of your soul. I suspect we are all touched in some way at various times by evil presences we can't explain. Choosing to interact with and consent to evil determines whether there is a bad outcome.

There is ample proof that evil presents itself in the flesh, in humanity. This is usually the form evil takes in our lives. Other human beings. Paul, in the book of Ephesians chapter six, cautions Christians to remember that the real battle with evil is not with "flesh and blood". He defines a spiritual battle with spiritual beings. The clear teaching of the Bible is that when humanity is evil they are animated by evil spiritual wickedness. Christ very clearly taught this as well. This counsel of Paul's was to remind Christians that when they see evil in humanity they would do well to consider they are up against something much bigger and stronger than mere humanity. The tools for the battle are not traditional weapons. The weapons used against evil are truth and a life lived in accordance with truth. Evil hides in lies, superficial appearances, insinuations, hypocrisy, smears and fear.

Evil is full of fear. Evil controls others through fear. How does the malignant narcissist control you? Through creating fear. Reveal to a narcissist the fears that stir you most deeply and find the narcissist using them against you. They understand this most basic of emotions because it is one of the few emotions they can actually relate to. The others being anger and shame. Fear animates their entire existence...they find relief by recreating their fears in you. Somehow this act of transference gives them the illusion of controlling the fear which controls them.

"People of the Lie" by M. Scott Peck, page 124:

Of all emotions, fear is the most painful. Regardless of how well they attempt to appear calm and collected in their daily dealings, the evil live their lives in fear. It is a terror--and a suffering--so chronic, so interwoven into the fabric of their being, that they may not even feel it as such. And if they could, their omnipresent narcissism will prohibit them from ever acknowledging it. Even if we cannot pity the evil for their inevitably ghastly old age or for the state of their souls after death, we can surely pity them for the lives they live of almost unremitting apprehension.

Whatever it is my mother experiences with the supernatural world she experiences it differently than you and I would. She has acquiesced to evil therefore it controls her. She does not control it. Yet, her narcissism dictates she believe that she can control what is really controlling her. She is ruled by a million fears, but can not face any of them square on. She believes in the existence of evil, but refuses anything which would suggest the evil resides in herself. Do I pity her? Yes, I can't help but pity her, but evil must be pitied from afar because evil desperately seeks to take you down with it.

Do Narcissists Attract Supernatural Evil?

While holding my breath, I'm going to venture into the uncharted territory of narcissists and evil in the supernatural realm. I have never read anything in material about narcissism that even touches on I'm going to bring up now, so I don't know if I'm going to be describing a complete anomaly or if others will be able to relate. Because my entire approach with this blog is under-girded by my conviction that my experiences are not unique I will venture forth on that presumption now. This is a big deviation for me because I have made an effort to make sure I stay away from the purely speculative and buttress my comments and observations with logic. It will seem like quite a deviation for me from your perspective. Keep in mind, though, that I am describing experience. Mine. I have no way to prove it. I can only describe it. If you have had similar experiences you're going to recognize that I am describing a reality. It is very real to those who've gone through it even if you can't grab onto it, put it in a box and quantify it.

Halloween is around the corner -- as you've been forced to notice due to the movies coming out and candy and decor spread around the stores as you shop. This subject seems somewhat in the "spirit" of the season. So if I'm hitting wide of the mark of the subject of narcissism...at least I'm being seasonal. *big grin*

My narcissistic mother is a magnet for supernatural evil. There...I'll just throw that out there and try to explain what I'm talking about.

I have felt and experienced this evil personally so this is not a figment of her imagination. Unless you want to believe that I have an overactive imagination myself. Believe whatever you want. I have no vested interest in making this shit up. Being a very rational human being I sincerely doubt I would believe in a personal supernatural evil if I hadn't experienced it so frequently and persistently through my childhood. Even somewhat into adulthood. So, I understand if you don't believe in this unseen realm. For some of us it is not unseen or unfelt. In the meantime, I hope you'll be merciful in your judgment of me after this post. I think there is ample evidence that I live on terra firma. I'll just take one foot off the ground, but I promise to keep the other one planted on earth. I'm not brave enough to describe too much of the weirdness because I'm very unsure how it'll be perceived.

Let me go back to one of my Nmother's admissions made to me once or twice over the years. She doesn't believe that the attraction of evil to her is any reflection on her...so she has confessed some things that I don't think she realized how it really sounds to someone outside her self. The reason I believe what I'm about to relate to you is that there is supporting evidence outside of her to confirm it. I think my mother takes a certain amount of pride in the attraction she seems to present to the supernatural world. This explains her willingness to share what she has about the very early beginnings of her contact with it.

My mother admits that as a very young child she started having strange things happen to her including "visits" from something real yet intangible. Some of it frightened her, but one aspect of it she welcomed and embraced. Maybe what she is actually describing is the fact that at a very young age she started to embrace her own evil. I'll never know for sure.

She had a certain precocity as a child as well as being a very pretty little girl. She tended to be very reserved and quiet with adults. Watching, listening. She had experienced a certain amount of power with the adults due to her very pretty little face and well built little body. Her family worships beauty (to this day). There are many very pretty people on her side of the family. Members of the family were often ranked by their level of beauty. My mother has been admired for hers since birth. Perhaps this early and frequent admiration helped spawn the somatic narcissist in her.

What she started to experience was, not so much a voice, but an alternate intelligence as early as four years old. This intelligence did not present itself as coming from her own thought processes. She describes it as a old intelligence...one with knowledge that far exceeded what a child could possibly know. Though she was a little afraid of this sense of having company in her head, she started listening to it because it was giving her extremely important intell. The voice instructed her on how to manipulate adults. She proceeded to implement the information despite her little quiver of fear as to what this power might really be. She experienced great success. Unfortunately for her, this intelligence was not always benevolent. I know it will be tempting for some to attribute this phenomena to some organic brain disorder. If that makes you feel better, go right ahead. I am convinced there is a frequency out there in the supernatural realm that some people are easily tuned to. If you set your dial this frequency the signal comes in stronger. Stay set on this frequency and risk the loss of your soul.

My mother married a man who didn't believe in Deity and, most certainly, did not believe in a personal devil. Living with my mother for a few years changed his outlook...mostly on the existence of supernatural and evil beings. And I'm not talking about my mother herself. No, like the rest of us condemned to live in close proximity to my mother, he felt things. Things that can not be explained rationally. And if there was ever a man who liked to stick to rational...it was my father...especially way back then. I was only an infant when my father willingly conceded that there must be evil beings in the supernatural world. He had only been married to my mother for a couple of years at this point.

My childhood is replete with memories of fear. Where ever my mother made a home it was haunted. Enter a room and feel like you're being watched. See shadowy figures sitting in the living room in the dead of night. Even certain pictures gave off scary vibes.

My mother had a set of pictures that terrorized me for years. I even told my mother that the pictures scared me when I was around six years old...she just laughed. The creepiest one of all was hung for years over the toilet in the bathroom I had to use. So I had to turn my back on that freaking thing every time I had to use the toilet. It was torture. Especially at night. That picture moved from house to house and found itself hung over a toilet I and my sister had to use every time. It was always over the toilet that her children and the children she baby sat had to use. The last home of my parents that I lived in as a youth had three bathrooms. The picture was finally relegated to a half bath downstairs so I could avoid it most of the time. I was 16 years old by this time and I still hated that picture. The picture is gone now. Yeah, mom finally took it down after her daughters both left the nest and she no longer watched other people's children. What is with that? It is like she knew that picture unsettled children. She hung that thing for at least 30 years. I also wasn't the only one disturbed by this picture. Some of the children my mother baby sat dared to voice to me their unsettled feelings about the pictures.

I can understand my mother buying those pictures because she liked them, but there is something cruel and mean about keeping those pictures in the bathroom I was forced to use after I expressed my deep fear of them. My sister told me later that she, too, hated those pictures. These pictures featured children with inhuman eyes. The eyes enter the realm of the "uncanny valley". Very close to human, but not quite human giving you a feeling of revulsion. That I was as disturbed by them as I was I believe is because of the general atmosphere of my childhood home. In addition to the non-innocent child faces of these pictures they also depicted abandonment, sadness, poverty which reflected some of my deep childhood fears and feelings. I have found the actual picture on Google that hung above my childhood toilet. I can objectively look at it and see why some people may like the pictures. But I also see what is disturbing about the picture. I recognize that the picture was interpreted very negatively by me because of the atmosphere of my home and my life. So, as you can see, I'm not ascribing some supernatural power in the picture itself. But it was a representation of the creepy, inhuman and lonely, and sad undertones and overtones of my mother's home.

The pictures are a small thing, but it is representative of the general feeling of unease that both my sister and myself felt at various times. I am not a person who is afraid of the dark. At all. Even as I was growing up I tended to not be fearful of the dark. But sometimes I was. Overwhelmingly. There were times that I could feel that I was not alone. It was not a feeling that was ever-present all through the house, either. I would walk into a particular room and be instantly cold and aware that someone was there. Watching. Darkly malevolent. It would sometimes move to another room.

Maybe we had bad luck and always moved into "haunted" houses, you may say. Uh, no. I don't think so. The last home that I lived in with my parents was built by them. Brand-spanking new. No, it wasn't built on top of some ancient grave site. My parents still live there some 30 years later. That house is filled with the same creepy vibes all my mother's homes had. The common denominator is my mother. What is interesting is that this house my parents built and still live in has creeped out other adults. People who had no idea what my childhood was like. No mention by me of the scary feelings in my mother's home. They have commented on how they felt the very same things I have described here...like the place was haunted. No one sees ghosts. It isn't like that. It is a sense of a cold, malevolent spirit. One that watches and follows you. One that wishes you ill.

Even though I have been visited by this evil presence, I do not experience any of these things outside of my mother's home or presence. It is obvious, therefore, that I am not the magnet for this malevolent spirit. She is. She is the doorway that opens the crypt from which these evil supernatural presences walk freely. Think of it what you will. There is ample evidence that there is a supernatural realm and some supernatural beings are evil. I also think there is some kind of familial connection with evil spirits. I think when a parent invites evil presences into their life by their conscious decisions that these evil things attempt to lay claim to the children.

I have commented in another post that when dealing with malignant narcissism you are dealing with spiritual realities. Pardon me for quoting myself, but here goes:

~~~~~~

You are going to need a sense of moral and psychological strength in order to oppose the destructive spiritual and emotional force of the malignant narcissist. Whether or not you are a religious person, you need to realize that the malignant narcissist carries with them a malignant spirit. The second meaning of the word spiritual is what I'm describing:

concerned with or affecting the spirit or soul.

This is the realm that the narcissist almost entirely operates in. This also explains one reason it is so hard to nail down the evil these people engage in. They move primarily in the spiritual realm. Which means much of what they do seems nearly intangible. Nailing them down resembles trying to nail Jello to the wall. What they do profoundly affects your spirit. When you've tried to explain the effects on your own spirit and the evidence of the spirit of the narcissist, you've often been met with outright skepticism and criticism of you and your motives. This is because people often can not relate to a spirit they've never encountered personally. It is easy enough for them to disbelieve something as ephemeral and intangible as spirit. Who can blame them for being unwilling to believe in the hatefully evil spirit of your mother?

~~~~~~

My post here today is a further exploration of the spiritual effects of the malignant narcissist. It may or may not be part of your experience. Nevertheless, this is one way that my mother's spirit has affected me (and many others in her life) over the years. I describe it in the expectation that I'm not alone in this experience. If you went through something similar you will probably appreciate knowing that someone is willing to try to describe what you too have felt despite the risk of the disbelief of others.

Depending on how this post is received, I may describe some of my mother's night time visits from something frighteningly evil. She has had this night time visitor come for years. Since her childhood it has been a love/hate relationship between her and this visitor.

If you can't relate to this post it really doesn't matter. It is not necessary to have experienced anything like this or to believe other's experiences like this in order to understand and deal with narcissists. This is just a sort of side street excursion. It will be relevant to some and just curiously weird to others. To those for who just find this wacky and weird...thanks for your indulgence.