Thursday, May 29, 2008

Cause of Death

I just received the FedEx delivery of Kathy Krajco's death certificate. I will share the relevant details.

The date she was pronounced dead was May 9, 2008. The certificate indicates her body "was found 24 or more hours after death" in her own home. The coroner certifies that, in their opinion, her death was due to natural causes. The box for indicating the "actual or estimated date of death" is marked "Unknown". Box 19a is for "Informant's Name". Kathy's sister name is in that box. So, I guess we can assume it was her sister who found Kathy's body. The sister's physical address does prove she lived across the street from Kathy.

It can be concluded that the experts believe Kathy died of natural causes and not of foul play. It can also be concluded she was not found for some considerable time after her death. Likely it was a couple of weeks when we consider her last blog post was April 15, 2008. She approved comments for her last post for what looks like could have been four days following her last post. Given she was blogging regularly every day or every few days for months, I think we can assume she probably passed away almost a week after her last posting.

I hope this information is helpful for all who are trying to make sense of her tragically sudden passing.


Anonymous said...

Hello Anna,

I like to thank you for bringing some details about Kathy's death.
I've been reading and writing on her blog since I discovered her in 2005.
She helped me a lot in coming to terms with my experiences regarding NPD. It was quite a shock reading the news and since then I'm searching the internet for the circumstances about what happened so suddenly.
The post before her last post on the 15th had some awfull sad comments on suicide (one of myself) and she reflected on them with so much compassion. It was the last awnser she gave on her blog.
I in fact was worried she committed suicide herself. One thing I believe for sure; she has been hurt by narcissists in a terrible way. So, in the end this could be an outcome I could understand for my father did the same at last and he is not the only one. The effects of narcisstic abuse can run very deep as we know.
Only her writings and fighting spirit never sounded this way.
A comfort to hear she died a natural cause.
Sad to hear she probebly died lonely.
Wonderfull she finished her book in time. I've got it and it's the best I've ever read so far on the subject.
I know I'll never forget her and will always be gratefull to her.


Anonymous said...

Wow, Anna. You sure are smart. I would've never never thought to ask for the death certificate or know how to go about getting it!

The first thing I did when I heard (found out on another blog) was to ask my husband to use his web-capturing software to record her two websites. I couldn't bear to think of that information being lost forever. At least now I have it on my hard drive for reference.

I also can't bring myself to remove her link from my "Fave Blogs" bookmark folder. It's right next to this one, and I think of her every time I see the name of her site.

I'm most sad to learn that she died alone.


Anonymous said...

For myself I found a way to save Kathy's blog-content.
If I click 'select all' on the page I want and then 'print', I can send all the pages to a printer.
I'am glad I've found this way.
I'm going to print all I can and her complete blog-archive too.
While it's in the memory of the printer then (I'll use the big one on my work) it must be availeble from there somehow. I'll see.
In the name off Kathy, save it before it's too late!
She sure named her sister as an M.N. several times, so there might be very little time. I'll start this weekend.

greetings, Gerard

Tobi said...

Anna, thank you for getting Kathy's death certificate and for sharing its information.

Sorry for this question, but I do not know the way of proceeding in the United States - had been made an autopsy ? In my country it is usual to do so if somebody passed and the cause is unclear.

Kathy had another blog, I read sometimes - Lighthouse Writing Tips
Her last post there is dated April 19, some days later than her last entry on What Makes Narcissists Tick.
If she died several more days before May 9 or even shortly after her last blog entries - I wonder why she had been found that late, I remember she had a dog, Pierre ...

Sorry, I don't want to discomfit, it's just that I'm still worried. And I'm so deeply sad because apparently she had been alone.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this information. Unfortunately, psychic attacks are all to common with narcissists. Someone, could have used what they knew about her to attack her when she was vulnerable. This indeed could induce a physical reaction that could result in death. One suspects, but the proof is far beyond our scientific verifications. I know for myself that the attack after you are down is the lethal one, unless your will to live is greater than the attack. Sometimes it is just too much. Human predators just don't care. Anyone who is dumbfounded by the behavior of a mn, must learn to protect the psyche, if not by willpower,by educating oneself and finding those who give you the information you need to do that. Thanks for your site and Kathy's and others I have found, I am getting stronger and pushing away those soul vampires.

Anonymous said...

The blog certainly contained some dark and ominous entries. There was also a reference to poor health.

Thank you for making this effort, Anna.

Tobi said...

Lighthouse Writing Tips - Kathy Krajco

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

"Resonance by Stating a Bold and Surprising Conclusion at the Top

Stating a bold, surprising conclusion at the top can lend resonance to what follows. In poetry we see an exquisite example of this in T.S.Eliot's opening to "The Wasteland."

April is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring Dull roots with spring rain.

Then there's Dickens' memorable and ever-timely opening to A Tale of Two Cities, which he carries off like a speaker would — with a little "ice-breaking" humor.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of credulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way -- in short, the period was so far like the present, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

There were a king with a large jaw and a queen with a plain face, on the throne of England; there were a king with a large jaw and a queen with fair face, on the throne of France. In both countries it was clearer than crystal to the Lords of the state preserves of loaves and fishes, that things in general were settled forever.

In both examples above, the striking conclusion is an opening summary, like the executive summary in a business document. The tale begins after it and resonates because of it. ... "

Whenever I read this, I cannot help crying heartbreakingly ...

Anna Valerious said...


I don't have a definitive answer to your question because I don't know the laws of the state of Wisconsin, but from my years of watching Court TV (which airs real U.S. court room trials) I learned that autopsies are always ordered when someone dies alone in most states. I would think it highly, highly likely that an autopsy was performed. Of course, autopsies conclusions can be less than informational if the body is badly decomposed. If Kathy was a couple of weeks deceased before being found it may not have been able to absolutely determine, for instance, if she had a heart attack. But they would be able to rule out murder or suicide. I don't think toxicology reports are necessarily ordered on a routine basis to rule out poisoning or over dose of medication or drugs without some kind of evidence at the scene to indicate a need for such a test. I think we have to simply trust that the coroner and police saw no evidence of foul play. Kathy did mention having a bad heart, a condition that did not allow her to shovel heavy amounts of snow from her driveway without great risk. Given that information it seems likely her poor little heart must have given out. The fact that she lived alone, and obviously limited her contact with her only sibling, it is not surprising she was alone when she passed and not found for some days following.

Anonymous said...

April 18 blog entry was made on Operation Doubles.

Anonymous said...

And a tennis tip for May 29, 2008. Okay, bloggers, can these things be postdated?

Anna Valerious said...

can these things be postdated?

Yes, they can. You can pick any future date and time and blogger will put the blog post up on the selected date.

Anonymous said...

The poem is like the devastating relationship with a narc.
Beautifull sad.
I just hate the basterds.
This kings and quens with great jaws must be beaten off their trones.
It makes me angry, I cann't help it.
They still make me feel sick.
Breaking kind people all over.
Kathy is now gone.
I'm sad and so angry also.
This terrible sick narcs!
To hell with them!


Anonymous said...

"Sad to hear she probebly died lonely."

Somehow, I don't think she died 'lonely'...albeit alone. She gave so much to the world...and there is something about that may well have given her back much more than she ever dreamed or hoped for. I don't like to think of anyone dying alone but I can think it better than having a circle of Ns in my face. I'll bet she died in the company of her 'friends':...Truth, Courage, and Justice....prepared to stand before God, as she knew Him and understood Him...hearing the words: "Daughter, well done."

I don't know. But, it would only be fitting.

Cinder Ella said...

Thank you, Anna. You are a clever, resourceful woman. The actual cause of death may never be known this side of eternity, but it does give some comfort that no obvious foul play was involved. I can only hope that her end was peaceful.


Anonymous said...

Thank you Anna. I felt like I'd lost a good and trusted friend, when I realized Kathy was gone. I think I really would have liked her, had I had the opportunity to actually meet her. Kathy's solid intelligence, logical compassion, and integrity shone through. She made me feel less alone, when I found these sites as so many stunned MN survivors do. In fact, I have moved from MN 'victim' to MN 'survivor' thanks to her site and yours, along with my fellow readers. I really miss Kathy's wise comments, but am grateful I had the chance to hear from her. 'jewell'

Cathy said...

Could someone provide me with the name of Kathy's book?


Anonymous said...

This is the part of the story about the snowplow that concerns me:

"Get the picture? The sister with the bad heart and pneumonia is to go out there and kill herself by trying to dig herself out. Then the narc, who stole her inheritance, gets to have the sister's copyrights as well."

Anna Valerious said...

The name of her book is "What Makes Narcissists Tick". You can buy it from Cafepress. She advertises it on her site here:

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
This is the part of the story about the snowplow that concerns me:

"Get the picture? The sister with the bad heart and pneumonia is to go out there and kill herself by trying to dig herself out. Then the narc, who stole her inheritance, gets to have the sister's copyrights as well."

That concerns me also. I hope that they really did do a proper investigation to rule out any possible foul play.

Hopefully after this incident, she took precautions to be sure that her sister would not inherit any of her copywrights. I hope she left those to someone who will take good care of her work and keep it in circulation for a long time.

That is a reminder to those of us who haven't yet made out a will yet to do so and make sure our inheritance, however big or small, will go to someone who we would want to receive it.

Anonymous said...

I did a search on Kathy's blog using the phrase "character disorder":

Anna, I think the Dec. 15, 2007 entry about character disorder to be the one you wanted.

There is much information on these posts that pertains to what we've been discussing here. March 31, 2008, and April 4, 2008, for example.

I'll say no more, and let you read.

Anna Valerious said...

Amen, Gerard.

Anonymous said...


I found out that it was not possible to direct send the comments on Kathy's post to the printer and the format of the ones that will, are not completely printed.
So I looked further.
The following seems to work.
I made a G-mail account and installed the Google toolbar.
If I now right-click on the page I want I can click; send it to G-mail and from there to my privat E-mailadress. From there I can save it or/and print it in the right format.
It also works on the comments if you first click 'show original post' on top of the page.
Has anyone found another way allready?

greetings, Gerard

Anonymous said...

An add to my previous post on how to save Kathy's blog content through Google G-mail.
If you recieved the pages on your E-mail adress you can save the attachments but I could not open them; they are protected.
But if you only use 'save as' on your regular toolbar it saves the complete page in your 'documents'.


Anna Valerious said...

krl wrote: Somehow, I don't think she died 'lonely'...albeit alone. She gave so much to the world...and there is something about that may well have given her back much more than she ever dreamed or hoped for. I don't like to think of anyone dying alone but I can think it better than having a circle of Ns in my face. I'll bet she died in the company of her 'friends':...Truth, Courage, and Justice...

I think you've written a beautiful eulogy for Kathy, krl. The picture in my mind of Kathy has been captured by your words. Kathy demonstrated great passion for life in her writing. She valued life immensely for all her efforts were directed at living the good life free of narcissists. Her efforts were outwardly directed which means she cared a lot for others. People who care for other people are not lonely. I also believe, as you so well stated, that it is much better to die alone than to have a circle of vulture-Ns surrounding you. Obviously, she had managed to put distance between herself and her family Ns. This had to have been a source of happiness for her.

I'll bet she died in the company of her 'friends':...Truth, Courage, and Justice...

Those words bring tears to my eyes because I believe them with all my heart.

Anonymous said...

Anna, thank you for sharing the information you obtained about Kathy's death. Also, thank you for giving us a forum to grieve.

Krl, thank you for finding the words to honor our brave activist. They touched me deeply.

A reader of Kathy's blog once commended her for having "a death-grip on reality". Kathy thanked them for the compliment.

It is so rare to find someone who has such a strong grip on reality and who has the courage to speak-up and fight for truth and justice.. I think that's why it's so hard to accept Kathy's death. It's the loss of a great leader.

But the battle continues and I'm going to do my best to honor Kathy Krajco's memory by spreading awareness and waging war on any narc who dare crosses my path.

You better watch your back Narcs, there's a movement against evil that's growing strong and gaining momentum!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for finding this out Anna. I was going to write her sister but thought better of it.

Still she was far too young to die but we will continue working to preserve her writings and insights.

Anonymous said...

Hello everyone,

You'll have to excuse me for a minute, yesterday was the day I found out that Kathy died. I am in pain.

Her book is here beside me, dog eared and filled with printouts of the blogs from her website that I need to keep with me.

I am reading the messages here, and when I read her obituary, I thought it read a lot like mine would - in fact, yesterday I posted that on her memorial guestbook - that when you have N's in your life, you don't have dozens of newspaper inches listing your family, lovers and friends.

She said once that Abraham Lincoln's obituary would be short on family listings too - and when you see that in a good person's obituary, there is a good reason for it.

Just two nights ago, before I discovered she died, I posted to her about how difficult it is to stand up for yourself when it means cutting out people you trusted, that have betrayed you.

I have been forced to do that several times in the past few months, and while it has been necessary, it has been painful and I now am often alone.

And as I tend to be the kind of person who keeps at it, trying to get through the wall of flak - I remember Kathy's words and I let go. It has been a comfort to me to have permission to let go and accept a hopeless situation.

So in similar ways, we are all alone like Kathy. We have been forced to let go and accept hopeless situations with people we are supposed to love. We find comfort in our pets, our sports, our children, and of course, our writing.

We are all her, and she was our strong leader. I feel a little scared now, as I started this journey with her support, and now must keep going alone.

But maybe with you Anna, we can continue this support of each other, and even if our obituaries won't list miles of family and friends' names, we will know that we did not die alone.

Last night I was reading about the rage and anger we feel after betrayal - and how it is so hard to overcome it.

Kathy said that rage and anger is the demonstration of our self-worth. I agree.

But so many people get stuck there - and I understand well. Me too.

But when you look at how strong Kathy was, how she was able to have a death grip on reality (LOVE THAT) and dedicate her life to fighting this agony, so much of her life was robbed by narcissism.

The moment I heard she was dead, I thought suicide. I still feel like that - only that it was murder by suicide.

In the end, a physical abuser will murder you.
In the end, an emotional abuser will make you murder yourself.

In the end, it is still murder, but a narcissist keeps her hands clean.

Whether it was her heart, a fall, who knows. What I know for sure is that narcissism robbed her of her life - she - and none of us here - deserve to have to spend one second trying to recover from this crime that has been committed against us.

I understand the need to go back over every situation with the N and look at it with a stronger, healthier point of view. It is normal to process it this way.

But as we still sit here trying to recover and losing precious time from our lives - the N's crime against us is still in progress.

That is why it is so hard to accept and move on. The N's can still affect our lives, driving us here to post and cry and anguish, instead of laughing, planting flowers or making a pot of soup.

Every time I feel compelled to indulge myself with that rage, the quest for karma or to make sense out of nonsense - I will honor Kathy and start peeling carrots for my soup.

It is what she was telling us to do. Even with her death, she shows us that life is too short to waste on a predator.

We have a new guardian angel up there somewhere.


Anonymous said...

I just found this blog, and last night just discovered this post. I had been posting and reading at Kathy's blog for nearly three years now.

Her concise voice was a beacon to me and a literal life saver while I was hanging on by a thread and finding my way out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist.

I'm struck dumb.

Narcissists quite literally will take years off your life if you survive them at all. Kathy helped so many of us find our own voice again, find our way out of hell on earth. There's no way to repay her for all she's done though I am glad I did get a chance to thank her.

I had gone looking again for her blog after another brush with the destructive actions of the narcissist to find she had not posted since April. That's around the last time I had been there.

Kathy, gave so much to so many. She was a blessing. God, I don't know what to say here. I'm going to miss her brilliant, clear vision. She shined a light on the road pointing the way out for me.

Bless her.

Anonymous said...

stumbled on this -- it explains why her sister hasn't taken up her blog:

jbg said...

Has anybody resurrected Kathys blog and if so where is it? I need it to illustrate the Narc behaviour of my ex wife!
It put into Laymans terms what we know to be an excellent description of the Narc we allowed into our lives, so it must not be allowed to disappear.


Anna Valerious said...

Kathy's blog is still available online as it stood at her death:

Her book is available online in PDF form here:

You can buy her book at Cafe Press here:

jbg said...

Hi Anna,
Thanks for the speedy reply. I should have been more specific. It was her operationdoubles.narcissism site that I was looking for.
It was sad to hear of Cathys death. Why is it always the good guys who go? I was similarly upset to learn that Tim Field of bullyonline had also passed away.
It would be a shame to see her site not preserved in the same way bullyonline has been.


Anna Valerious said...

I don't know if anyone successfully preserved the operationdoubles site. Kathy had revamped that site in the year or so before she passed away and took away a lot of the content in order to promote her book. Everything that was on her operationdoubles site is found in her ebook, so I recommend you keep the link to the ebook so you can have access to that info. The content of her operationdoubles site isn't lost as it is all in her ebook which others have made accessible online now.