Friday, April 18, 2008
Narcissist Mothers Suck
I need to put in a clear disclaimer at the outset of this post. I love motherhood. In fact, I am someone who thinks there is no more important job in the world than being a mother. It is my deep, sincere respect for the high office of motherhood that motivates me to highlight the fact that there are mothers out there who have more in common with a serial killer than with true motherhood. These monsters who clothe themselves with the sacerdotal cloth of motherhood while terrorizing the fruit of her womb are worthy of no honor on this day set aside to thank good and decent mothers. Yes, I know very well that all mothers make mistakes. We could never honor any mother if the qualifications for honor were that she never have made any mistakes in raising her young. I don't believe in perfect motherhood. I do believe that good and decent mothers make mistakes, but she more than makes up for them by the fact that she unfailingly loves her children and puts their best interests ahead of her own.
That being said...
I keep thinking these last several days that I should continue on the theme of horrendously rotten and evil narcissist mothers in this run up to the Day of Days. There just isn't enough rotten mother bashing out there this time of year.
I want to be that place.
The place where people can come to ritually poop on the hallowed altar of Worshipful Motherhood. A place to cleanse yourself of the saccharine sweetness of pretense which assumes every mother is worthy of accolades and wreaths and undying adoration. Should you refuse to bequeath honors upon your narcissist mother on this High Holy Day you make yourself into a personification of ingratitude in the eyes of the ignorant.
I don't blame the ignorant for their ignorance on this matter. In fact, there is something kind of innocent and sweet about them. They had a mother who truly loved them. How can they conceptualize a mother who is the complete inverse of good motherhood? What precedent could they use to pattern your mother after? Only fictional ones. Which is why they think these mothers only live in fiction. Therefore, you are making it up. Only the children who have witnessed the evil mother behind closed doors...the only place where her true evil was on full display...can attest to the existence of the soul-sucking mother who actually hates her children. Don't despise the innocent folk who were blessed with loving mothers. In fact, try to shelter these innocents from the truth of your mother. They are not equipped to handle what you know. Spare them when possible. Your mother is the stuff of nightmares. Don't foist those nightmares on the innocent if you can avoid doing so.
Only narcissist mothers demand that Mother's Day be a day to worship them. Which is why I call it Worshipful Mother's Day. The narcissist mother doesn't want sincere affection, sincere gifts, sincere thank yous. No, they want worship. As I've said before, truly good mothers don't demand attention on this day. But the malignant narcissist mother knows somewhere in her evil heart that she must demand the appearance of such things because she hasn't earned them. The truth is, appearances are all she wants. Genuineness is completely lost on her. The narcissist is consumed by appearances therefore they are incapable of appreciating the genuine.
The evil mother feels that society itself has lent its considerable influence and imprimatur to compel her children to honor her dishonorableness. She is more than happy to exploit the shame which will come upon disobedient children who refuse to bring their annual sacrifice to her altar on her day. You see, to the narcissist mother Mother's Day has the force of the government behind it. She believes that Mother's Day is like a blue law. She believes worship of her on this day is compelled by the highest powers-that-be. On this day, she is not the lawbreaker. You are. She deserves honor on this day because Gub'ment sez so. Never mind all the laws of goodness, morality and true motherhood she has broken over the years. On this special day to her Worshipful Honor her lawbreaking is set aside. You become the lawbreaker on this day should you withhold from her whatever she demands. At least, that is how she reckons it.
This is childish and legalistic thinking. In other words, this is just more of the same narcissist crap thinking piled higher and deeper.
We need to, at this point, differentiate between truly honoring ones parent(s) as commanded by the Bible and this idea that on one day a year you can fulfill your obligation in that regard. Truly honoring your parent doesn't include honoring them in their evil. I've discussed this in my two posts on the fifth commandment. Conversely, you can't fulfill that commandment by dishonoring your parent 364 days a year and then make up for it all on Mother's Day. Can we just remember that for most of human history there has been no such day as Mother's Day? If Mother's Day was intrinsic to "honor thy mother..." don't you think that God Himself would have handed down the command to set up such a day from Sinai? He didn't. So can we separate out Mother's Day and Father's Day from the command to "honor thy father and mother..."?? The Hallmark holidays have nothing whatsoever to do with truly honoring ones parents. In fact, I think a case could be made that setting up these two holidays have done more to trivialize how we honor good mother and fatherhood than to elevate our conceptions of these important roles.
What I'm trying to drive home in this post is that the narcissist mother demands a caricature of honor on Mother's Day. Caving into every whim and demand of a narcissist on Mother's Day is by no means a true demonstration of honor. There is no honor in giving honor to dishonor. Ever. I want it crystal clear that the narcissist mother goes way beyond demanding "honor". She demands worship. And that conflicts with the first commandment, "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me."
The only law you break when you abdicate from Worshipful Mother's Day is the law of the lawbreaker herself. I can live with that.