Disdain for Reality

The NPD illusion of superiority is a facet of a generalized disdain for reality. These individuals feel unconstrained by rules, customs, limits, and discipline. Their world is filled with self-fiction in which conflicts are dismissed, failures redeemed, and self-pride is effortlessly maintained. They easily devise plausible reasons to justify self-centered and inconsiderate behavior. Their memories of past relationships are often illusory and changing. If rationalizations and self-deception fail, individuals with NPD are vulnerable to dejection, shame, and a sense of emptiness. Then they have little recourse other than fantasy. They have an uninhibited imagination and engage in self-glorifying fantasies. What is unmanageable through fantasy is repressed and kept from awareness. As they consistently devalue others, they do not question the correctness of their own beliefs; they assume that others are wrong. The characteristic difficulties of individuals with NPD almost all stem from their lack of solid contact with reality. If the false image of self becomes substantive enough, their thinking will become peculiar and deviant. Then their defensive maneuvers become increasingly transparent to others (Millon & Davis, 1996, pp. 405-423). Sharon C. Ekleberry, Dual Diagnosis and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

This is a packed paragraph. Read it through several times to absorb it. The sentence that sums it all up well is, "The characteristic difficulties of individuals with NPD almost all stem from their lack of solid contact with reality." Remember that the word reality is interchangeable with the word truth. Notice how in the description above of the narcissist's 'disdain for reality' what follows is a description of all the ways than narcissists avoid the truth. The truth about the world, about themselves, about their past, about you. This professional person managed to find all the ways to describe the narcissist's love affair with lies without ever actually using the word 'lie'. But lies they are, nonetheless.

They are "people of the lie" as Scott M. Peck so aptly describes them. The narcissist fabricates at every juncture to the point that the narcissist himself becomes a lie. They don't just tell lies...they are, at their most basic, a lie in and of themselves.

The narcissist disarms you by causing you to buy into the lie(s). The more you accede to their version of reality (which is lie-based) the less you are able to resist their control, their abuse, their sucking the life blood from you.

If believing their lies is how the narcissist disarms you then, obviously, re-arming means learning what truth is. There are truths that are universal and immutable. Moral truths fall into this category of universal and objective truth. No matter who you are, no matter what country or culture you live in, no matter what sex, creed or religion you belong to there are certain things that are wrong to do to others. Those who deny there is a universal and objective morality are capable of the basest of crimes against humanity. Be they a cruel dictator like Mao Tse Tung or a serial killer like Ted Bundy or a malignant narcissist in your family, church or workplace.

And, yes, I think the malignant narcissist belongs in the same list with Mao and Bundy. They shouldn't be taken off the list simply because they lack the power (Mao) or the motivation (Bundy) to murder in order to slake their lusts. The root of malignant narcissism infects them all so they should all stand in the same Hall of Shame. If the malignant narcissist you know had the lack of accountability that a dictator has or had lost her fear of the law then you know what they would be capable of. Murder and torture would be standard fare for those under their power. I'm not engaging in hyperbole. I'm being a realist. I recognize cause and effect. I acknowledge the little tyrant and murderer that lives in the heart of every malignant narcissist. Only the constraints of their circumstances and their fear of the law have power to restrain them. When you can believe this to be true then you will never want anything to do with them ever again. The malignant narcissist is dangerous. Period.

All malignant narcissists deny there is a moral law that stands outside themselves and judges them. They just pretend away this reality. This means they are free to make up morality as they go which is exactly what they do. This results in a moral code which has all the human resources of kindness, attention, valuation, and regard going towards them and away from you. They turn you into a big, fat Zero. They turn themselves into gods. Because you are nothing you deserve nothing. Because they are god they deserve it all. They work diligently to make you believe the lie that they deserve it all. If they succeed they're in Fat City and you will be lucky to stay out of the asylum or an early grave.

Salvation from the affliction and torment of narcissists depends on whether or not you love truth-- whether you are dedicated to reality even if reality is ugly. The narcissist "loves and practices lies". (See Revelation 22:14-15) His doom is sure. The question is, do you love the truth enough to embrace truth when the truth hurts? That is the true test of anyones love for truth. It is the test the narcissist has failed time and again. Keep in mind that he doesn't hate all truth. He only hates the truths which are inconvenient to him at any particular moment. The test of your character, the test that tries whether or not you really do love truth is when truth threatens to slice through your dreams and fantasies about life, about yourself, about what you've done and who you are. These are the very truths the narcissist is always working to escape from.

The test for love of the truth isn't whether or not you are willing to believe ugly truths about others. That comes easy for all of us. No, the test is whether or not you are willing to face truth when it comes knocking at your door to talk about who you are and what you've done. The more honest you're willing to be with yourself about who you are and what you've done then the more likely you are to believe the truth when it tells you that someone else is good...or bad. Your lens that you look through is less skewed. When you can be honest about who you are then you are much more likely to be honest about who someone else is.

Occasionally people wonder aloud in the comments about themselves...are they, too, a narcissist? The test is above. Do you love the truth even when the truth tells you something other than what you want to hear?? You know the answer to that question. No one here can answer that question for you. You don't need anyone else to answer that question because you know the answer. The degree to which any of us will deny, obscure or push away truth is the degree to which you are narcissistic. Narcissism is a continuum. Where you fall on that line is easily measured by how much you love the truth or, conversely, how much you have "disdain for reality".

"The characteristic difficulties of individuals with NPD almost all stem from their lack of solid contact with reality."

Anna's paraphrase: The very things that make dealing with malignant narcissists so difficult can be traced back to their constant state of living in lies. Their disregard for truth affects everything and everyone around them.

Love for the truth or love of lies. These two concepts sift all of humanity.

If a Narcissist Had an Anthem...

...it might be this song.


Why I Lie
by Liz Phair

If you ask me why I lie to you
I can tell you I don't know myself
Its amazingly dishonest
But I'd have to recognize it
As part of myself

Straighten up
Why can't you straighten up
I've heard you tell me this
So many times
It doesn't even stick

I get it all the time
I get it all the time
You know I love to make
A joke of it

And if you ask me why I hurt you
I don't understand it
I can't help myself
Its a special combination
Of predatory instinct
And simple ill will

I would give some thought to it
If I thought that it might do me
Some good
Some good

Straighten up
Why can't you straighten up
You always say I'll lose
Control of it
And thirty is not too old

Well momma I would give some thought to it
If I thought that it might do me
Some good
Some good
Some good

On Psychopathy and Lying

After reading this post from LoveFraud.com I'm anxious to read the recommended book, Criminal Interrogation: A Modern Format for Interrogating Criminal Suspects Based on the Intellectual Approach, by Warren D. Holmes.

From LoveFraud.com:

Many Lovefraud readers have expressed the desire to know how to “out” a psychopath/sociopath. In this book Mr. Holmes gives his ideas about this subject. In his Chapter “How People Lie” he discusses the neurotic liar and compares lies told by these people to psychopathic liars. He has also listed and categorized what he calls “liar statements.” These are statements that signal someone is lying. In reading his list, I found that psychopaths/sociopaths use many of these.

Here are his categories of liar statements:

To read the list and the rest of the article go here.

Lying -- The Manipulator's Stock-in-Trade

The next tool in the manipulator's toolbox that George Simon, Jr. Ph.D. of "In Sheep's Clothing" describes is lying. It seems kinda obvious to list lying in the bag of tricks because we all have at least some awareness of the reality that manipulators play fast and loose with the truth to gain an advantage. Obvious or not, we all get taken in by lying manipulators because the truth isn't always readily accessible at the time you're being lied to. We may know that they lie, but we usually have a hard time detecting the lie...until long after they've gotten what they wanted from us.

Mr. Simon points out that the lies preferred by covertly-aggressive individuals are lies of omission. Damn, if those aren't the hardest lies to detect! They lie by telling the truth. It is what they leave out that makes it a lie.

Okay, when I get on the subject of lies and liars I just get pissed. I hate lies. I hate that I was duped by liars for so very long. The paragon of truthfulness, my mother, turned out to be one of the biggest liars I've ever met. Well, maybe my sister gets that prize. I think she lies even more than my mother does. Toss up. They both primarily lie in the most sneaky of ways...by omission. My mother had me fooled much longer than my sister. Mommy dearest was in a position of authority over me and, therefore, I was more susceptible to the lies. She had more clout to claim rights to define reality.

I believed that my mother was a truthful person until I was in my late 30s. Now I see the multiplicity of lies she has told and still tells and I still shake my head in amazement. The biggest unmasking of her plethora of lies have been the result of hearing the things my mother did and said to my dear cousin "Lee". My mother had much less accountability to Lee for history revisionism because my cousin didn't know the original history. Therefore, Lee had no way of knowing when the history was being revised. To hear how my mother was working day and night to create a new reality that she and Lee could live in; to hear the outright lies my mother tells...to her great shame; is to be confronted with the forceful truth that my mother is what I despise most...an inveterate liar. With me, my mother mostly had to lie by omission or insinuation. With Lee and others she could tell outright untruths because the availability of the truth for her audience was harder to come by. This is why my mother went into absolute panic once she realized the Lee and I had forged a close friendship; a friendship that my mother was not in the middle of and orchestrating. She knew her exposure was inevitable. Her power broken.

"Manipulators often lie by withholding a significant amount of the truth. I have treated individuals who have lied most egregiously by reciting a litany of true facts!How does someone lie by telling only true things? They do so by leaving out important other, important facts essential to understanding the truth of the whole story." In Sheep's Clothing, pg. 98

So how do we protect ourselves from being taken in by a covertly aggressive and manipulative person? By bearing in mind that they lie, they lie often, and they usually lie by leaving out important facts. You must proceed on the presumption that they are lying; not that they are telling the truth until and unless you can prove otherwise. I wrote this a year ago:

They [narcissists] lie. They lie by omission, commission, by a look, by a sigh, by insinuation. They are the personification of a lie. We, the honest-in-heart, have a hard time conceptualizing someone who exists entirely in a lie. It is not socially acceptable to allow our first presumption to be that someone is lying. Especially when it is a parent. No, we are to presume they are representing the truth...and only accept that it was a lie when it can absolutely be proven to be one. Once a lie has been proven you then have to shift back to the default position of presumption of the truth. It is this default position that screws us up over and over.

The sad, yet absolute, fact is that the default position when dealing with a narcissist is that they are lying. The anomaly with a N is when they tell the truth. They so seldom tell the truth that you don't even have to worry about mistaking that truth for a lie. They don't deserve to have us believe one thing they say or insinuate. If we presume that whatever they are doing, whatever they are saying, is designed to manipulate and deceive, then we are in a much safer and saner position.

I would have been more accurate if I stated that they lie even when they are telling the truth!

To call someone a manipulator is to call them a liar. The definition of the word 'manipulate' when it applies to interpersonal relationships always includes the concept of deviousness. The manipulator, therefore, is a living, breathing lie. Once you've figured out that someone you know is a chronic manipulator, then you must also admit that they are a chronic liar if you are to deal appropriately with them. Proceed according to that knowledge. To assume they are ever being truthful is to set yourself up to be taken yet again. Mr. Do-Gooder may tell you that you are a bad person for assuming the worst of someone, but you are wiser than he. You know there is no virtue in being someone's perpetual dupe.

Good Liars? Or Just Practiced Diversion Artists?

Dr. Robert Hare tells us that psychopaths are not the good liars they are generally acclaimed as being. In his book "Without Conscience" in the chapter titled Words from an Overcoat Pocket he outlines the anomalies of the way psychopaths use language. More accurately, how they misuse language. And some really interesting reasons as to why.

Please don't be distracted by my referring to Hare's work with psychopaths. The character-disordered have one thing in common: they lie. A lot. Lying is pervasive throughout all their interactions with others. As I have highlighted before, Dr. Hare has established that all psychopaths have a pervasive narcissistic personality. So, even on their best day, a malignant narcissist has much more in common with the psychopath than with the rest of us. Also, I know that some of you who read this blog are dealing with someone who is closer to the psychopath than not.

I have observed before that the malignant narcissist prostitutes language to their own ends. They pervert the use of language in order to destroy true communication. The purpose of language is to communicate. Narcissists use language to do the opposite. Obscure, mislead, divert, confuse. This is perversion. By perversion I am using this definition: "To put to a wrong or improper use; misuse."

"Although psychopaths lie a lot, they are not the skilled liars we often make them out to be. As I discussed earlier, their speech is full of inconsistent or contradictory statements. Psychopaths may play mental Scrabble, but they sometimes do it badly because they fail to integrate the pieces into a coherent whole; their truth line is fragmented and patchy, at best..." Without Conscience, pg. 136

So why are we often fooled by the inconsistencies and illogic of their statements? Hare states,

"[Victims] might not notice the discrepancy, particularly if they are engrossed in the action." Ibid. pg. 137 Emphasis mine.

When we are stuck in the moment with the liar there is much which is going on. They are masters of distraction. Constantly scanning your face and body language for cues as to how they should be responding to you at any particular moment, they dance here and there and zig and zag in order to lead you to whatever conclusion works best for them.

What I found particularly intriguing in this chapter of the book was Hare's analysis of the hand gestures which accompany the words under the chapter subtitle "Watch Their Hands". After accounting for the fact that certain cultures use more meaningless hand gestures than others, he then describes how psychopaths use many more "beats" (small, rapid hand gestures which are "empty" of meaning) as they talk. We all use "beats" to help us connect our words to our thoughts. The harder it is to come up with a word to describe our thoughts the more we will employ these empty hand gestures. People who are not speaking in their native tongue will use many more "beats" as they search around for the right word.

"A high rate of beat gestures appears to reflect difficulty in converting thoughts and feelings into speech." pg. 135

"Recent evidence suggests that psychopaths use more beats than do normal people, particularly when they talk about things generally considered emotional..." pg. 136 [emphasis author's]

Hare follows up this statement with what can be inferred from this evidence. You can read the book yourself to see his second inference because you need the context of the chapter to understand it, but the first one is that "emotion is like a second language to the psychopath."

To quote Spock, "fascinating".

I have talked about my mother's ridiculously animated hand gestures before like here and here. It doesn't happen all the time, but it happens consistently when she is "playing" to an audience. I almost wish now that I was still in contact with her so I could study her hand gestures in light of Hare's information. He offers this excessive use of hand gestures as a sign of possible psychopathy. It can be a signal that the person you're talking to is having a difficult time finding the right "emotional" words to use. Groping around like someone whose second language is English, this person is not at home using words which communicate an emotional punch.

Put this one in your tool box. When you see something beating the air with their hands it may simply mean this person is having a hard time finding the words for whatever reason. But if you are conversing with someone who consistently and excessively uses "beats", at least consider the possibility that you are dealing with a narcissistic and/or psychopathic individual. It is a piece of evidence. It only has significance as it correlates with other supporting evidence. In isolation it may be meaningless.

"Expansive hand movements and exaggerated facial expressions" are part of the "dramatic display" which can blind us to the nonsensical, the odd, the illogic of the conversant. It can divert and mesmerize the smartest person. Makes me think again of the killdeer. If you've ever stepped near their eggs or young you've seen the impressive display. They are suddenly and loudly calling with their piercing vocals while running, limping and dragging a wing. Between the vocals and gestures you are diverted from the truth: that their vulnerable young are near by. Once the perceived predator has been lured a safe distance from their young by the deceptive act, the adult killdeer bursts into flight off away from the direction of its young.

In a similar way we can become entranced and distracted by an animated display and led away from the truth. The diversion artist has once again evaded real communication and hidden the truth from view.

"Society runs on trust, and we ordinarily pay more attention to what someone says than to the accompanying nonverbal behavior--hand gestures, facial movements, smiles, eye contact. However, when the speaker is attractive and gives a really impressive nonverbal performance, the effect can be reversed--we watch the show and pay little attention to what is said." Without Conscience, pg. 145

Betrayal of the Bystanders

Betrayal of the bystanders. It is something many of us have experienced. It goes hand in hand with a narcissist's abuse. They make sure they surround themselves with dupes who love a lie.

Which reminds me of what the Bible says in 2 Thessalonians. It talks about those people who have never learned to "love the truth"...the consequences of this are then stated. Because they don't love the truth, they are completely susceptible to delusion. The axiom here is: If you don't love truth you will believe and love lies.

This, to me, is a scary reality. I long ago decided I would embrace truth because the truth is where life resides. Lies may accomplish short term goals, but in the long run living in lies embrace life-destroying effects. The complicit bystanders who lap up gossip like a cat laps cream are exposing their love of lies. They are dangerous to your life. When they are exposed to you as the result of a narcissist's attempt to assassinate your character, your best choice is to put as much distance between the credulous bystanders and your self as possible.

Kathy Krajco has clearly defined the bystanders as she does all topics she addresses. Go have a read. She is condemning the bystanders who actually have personal knowledge and experience of your character. I can hardly imagine that anyone who has stood up to the narcissist in their family has not experienced this "betrayal of the bystanders". Those people who have known you for years, decades, and yet suddenly un-know everything they ever knew about you to believe the complete opposite of what you are. It is a particularly cruel act. One that demands you apply a hatchet to any relationship you had with them. Beware of people who "Drive Under the Influence of a Narcissist" (DUIN). They are as dangerous as the N. They are drunk on lies and not safe for close association.

Living a lie

It can be easy to be sucked back into the N-vortex when they shift their tactics. I have pondered just a bit into why we adult children of narcissists (ACONs) get suckered by our N parent(s) when they suddenly seem to be "nice". I think at least part of the reason is that we are honest-hearted people. I have noticed that honest people don't presume deception in others. Especially in our parents or close relations. More on that in a moment.

Here is the scenario I'm picturing as I write this: you've been used and abused by the narcissist for years. You've started to get a clue as to what you are dealing with. You start establishing some boundaries, you start using a backbone, you are putting up with less crap. In the wake of the changes in you, the narcissist will also appear to change. They take on a more submissive posture. They seem to be behaving better. You start to have hope that you've made a difference. You start to believe that the narcissist's character has changed. You are set up for a fall. It is typical for a narcissist to back down when their source of narcissistic supply shows strength. They are bullies. Bullies back down when challenged; bullies start to whine and cry when someone stands up to them. That is what the narcissist in your life has done. They have not changed who they are, they've only changed tactics. What they can't get by baring their teeth they will attempt to get by showing a "softer side". They may suddenly appear reasonable. The rages stop. Or they will make a great show at being helpless and pitiful. They may suddenly get religion and make a profession of godliness and make a great show at waxing their halo. Whatever the new, softer version of narcissism you see in front of you, know this: it is still a narcissist you are dealing with. The fangs are still there....they've just hidden them for effect.

When the N makes changes in behavior they simply are employing a ruse. Ruse = deception. They lie. They lie by omission, commission, by a look, by a sigh, by insinuation. They are the personification of a lie. We, the honest-in-heart, have a hard time conceptualizing someone who exists entirely in a lie. It is not socially acceptable to allow our first presumption to be that someone is lying. Especially when it is a parent. No, we are to presume they are representing the truth...and only accept that it was a lie when it can absolutely be proven to be one. Once a lie has been proven you then have to shift back to the default position of presumption of the truth. It is this default position that screws us up over and over.

The sad, yet absolute, fact is that the default position when dealing with a narcissist is that they are lying. The anomaly with a N is when they tell the truth. They so seldom tell the truth that you don't even have to worry about mistaking that truth for a lie. They don't deserve to have us believe one thing they say or insinuate. If we presume that whatever they are doing, whatever they are saying, is designed to manipulate and deceive, then we are in a much safer and saner position. So, whether they are being "nicer" or whether they are raging, they are the very same animal. Predatory. The predation NEVER stops. Presume the fact that every waking moment they are predating you, and you'll always be on your guard even when it looks like they are now "safe" to be around. Never stop watching your back.

Ways That Narcissists Show They Are Aware of the Crimes

As I have reflected on history with my narcissistic mother I have been able to see clear indications of her awareness of her crimes against me. I suspect you've seen the same indications with your own narcissist. I'll name a couple of them:

1) All my life she has hated my friends. I know now it is because they have always been a threat to her control of my mind. She made it clear to me, starting when I was very young, that I was not allowed to speak of the things that went on in our house. It was none of anyone's business, she would say. It was repeated often that talking about her or our family life was wrong, disloyal, bad. (Even though she freely gossips to whoever about immediate family members when it suits her.) Despite the ongoing propaganda she was never sure whether or not I was sharing things with my friends; she always imagined signs that they didn't like her and how that was directly my fault. It is likely you've also seen this paranoia and active campaign against any and all of your friendships.

Proof one: Her need to hide facts is a sign of someone who knows on some level that their behavior is wrong. On some level narcissists know that they are abusing, using and hurting you.

2) Another thing is that she lies, covers up and minimizes her bad actions of past and present. When someone lies then you have direct proof that they know the truth. If she didn't know that her behaviors were bad then she'd have no need to lie about them. The rages, the martyr act, the helpless act, the many and varied manipulations are all ways that the N are trying to control your perceptions of them. They are trying to control your mind so you will reflect back to them how they want to see themselves. It is all deception. Varied forms of it. The use of deception in any and all its forms is proof of an awareness of truth.

So, does this awareness of theirs indicate they are evil? Some say yes....some say no. I say, yes. More on that next time.

Narcissist or Psychopath

Just points along the continuum...

What happens if a person does manage to completely overcome their conscience so it disturbs them no more? Welcome to the unveiling of the psychopath. The psychopath has thrown off all constrictions of conscience and, consequently, societal strictures, thus making them capable of the most heartless and base crimes against humanity while they smirk and talk about how the victim deserved what they got. I'm not saying all, or even many narcissists, turn into psychopaths. There is no evidence for that, and I certainly don't believe it. I do believe it is accurate to assert, though, that all psychopaths are narcissists. More and more professionals are coming to see malignant narcissism as a continuum. A psychopath is the endpoint on that continuum of narcissism.

But our study here is the narcissist. The narcissist still has a conscience and, therefore, hides her crimes under a cloak of self-made righteousness. This pretense is unnecessary for someone who no longer has to assuage the urgent provocations of a conscience and no longer cares what others think (the psychopath).

How do we know the narcissist still has an operational conscience? Let's ask the question another way. How do we know the narcissist is aware of the difference between right and wrong? Because of the multiplied and extensive efforts they make to hide their bad acts. The truly insane person is defined as an individual who is unable to distinguish right from wrong and will therefore commit their crimes regardless of who is looking on. Their lack of any attempt to hide their crimes is how we determine they are insane, i.e. they lack rational ability and conscience. (By this definition, psychopaths are not insane. Rarely will our justice system allow a psychopath to claim insanity when the evidence shows the psychopath's many efforts to hide his crimes.) We don't see true insanity in the narcissist. We see them presenting an image of perfection to outsiders then going home to beat the wife and sexually abuse the kid. Then they will pull your face close to theirs and through snarling lips and gritted teeth tell you that if you try to expose their bad deed they will destroy you. This person knows what they are doing is wrong. They are careful as to when and where they commit their base acts. Only the helpless and the vulnerable get to see the fully unmasked narcissist. This is all the proof we need that they do indeed possess a conscience. Albeit, a perverted, abused and malfunctioning one.

The narcissist still has a conscience, as evidenced by their multiplied efforts to hide their bad acts. We have clear proof they know the difference between right and wrong. What are the implications of this reality? Tune in to future musings...

Attention is a pain-killer

The narcissist is a junkie.

Why? For the same reason people become addicted to drugs: it dulls the pain. What pain is the narcissist seeking deliverance from? Their pain is that of a conscience not given its due. They dodge, weave, connive, and lie to themselves, and others, constantly in order to cheat their conscience. A lie is a deliberate effort to conceal the truth. The narcissist lies because they know what the truth is. Truth is something the narcissist must fend off with all their might because truth is like the wooden stake through the heart for the vampire. They perceive truth as the enemy because it will destroy their flimsy house of cards. Always keep the thought in the back of your mind...the narcissist is aware of truth which is why she lies so much. She lies to you just as much as she lies to herself. Truth is their mortal enemy. Which is why, if you decide to embrace truth, you will have to let go of the narcissist.

We all have pain. It is the lot of humanity to have to deal with disappointments, failures in ourselves and those around us, loss, etc. So why don't we all end up like the narcissist? Is their psychic pain somehow more profound than ours? I think not. Their lack of introspection has rendered them too shallow to experience certain psychological pains to the extent that empathetic,compassionate, sensitive and introspective people can. Which brings me back to the source of their disturbance....a blighted, neglected, abused, subverted, perverted conscience.

A neglected conscience persecutes us. The defense against conscience used by the narcissist is to engage in a constant re-creation of reality in order to convince their conscience they are right, good, and justified in every way. The narcissist uses you to reflect back that false reality to them in order to make it feel real to them. As long as all their "mirrors" say back to them, "YOU are the fairest of them all", they can shut that voice of conscience down. If even one of their mirrors doesn't reflect back their false image of perfection, the conscience re surges with all the force resulting from its long repression. The narcissist goes into melt-down and is on the rampage of the crack addict looking for his next fix. Attention assuages the pain of the re-awakened conscience. Attention affirms to them that they are still god-like, they truly are grand, they are oh, so righteous. "Ooooooh, yeah, that feels sooo good" says the narcissist junkie.