Saturday, December 13, 2008

Irresponsible Journalism or Psychologists...or Both.

While Democrats and the news media are all working feverishly to get Gov. Blagojevich branded with the "insanity" label in order to discredit him and inoculate the Obama franchise from taint I fume over something else. The irresponsible reporting from the Chicago Sun-Times on speculation over Blago's possible NPD.

Why would that bother me? I'll 'splain.

First of all, the so-called professionals love to tell us laypeople that we are not qualified to determine whether or not someone we know has NPD by comparing that individual's behaviors with an checklist. What the article from the Sun-Times illustrates to me is how the 'professionals' are the ones who are unqualified. I think it is highly unprofessional for a psychologist to make pronunciations on someone's mental state to the media when that psychologist has never even met the person in question. They should at least try to uphold some of the standards they hold the rest of us to. They tell us we can't diagnose persons whom we've grown up with or married or worked with for years yet, sight unseen, they can make absolute statements about a person's mental health just from reports they've read in the media and a few pictures of a person? Bah. That is my first irritation.

Next. Frankly, I myself had come to strongly suspect that extreme narcissism was motivating Blago. But I based my suspicions on his behaviors. Not his HAIR! The article begins with a little dramatic embellishment by the journalist followed by the quote from a psychologist:

It's a head of hair that a man 20 years his junior would envy -- a chestnut helmet that brazenly mocks Father Time and screams "healthy!"

Gov. Blagojevich's glossy locks -- perfectly sculpted in rain or snow -- may be an indication of a sickness beneath his scalp, said one local psychologist.

"It's all part of managing his image, managing his image of being without a blemish, without a flaw," said Scott Ambers, who has practiced clinical psychology in the city for more than two decades.

Chicago Sun-Times article here.
Okay. There is SO much about Blago's behavior that could indicate possible NPD without going to the most superficial aspect of his he styles his hair!!?? This is completely and totally irresponsible on the part of the psychologist as well as the stupid journalist who seems to be thrilled to report this revelation. Of what value would this blog be if I busily reported on the various ways to spot a narcissist and then started directing your attention to how a person styles their hair, how they dress, whether or not they wear designer clothes and glasses or drive a sports car? I would be a joke. And I contend this psychologist is a joke. The obvious extrapolation from his comment above is we are to suspect NPD in a person if they seem to be overly proud of their hair, if their hair seems to look too good given the wind, rain, or time of day or even the decade of their life. I cannot even begin to express my contempt for this ridiculousness. It will accomplish nothing good for helping people to truly understand what NPD is and how it manifests.

The psychologist (as well as the air-head journalist) have seized on the most insubstantial in order to make their case. This itself reminds me of narcissists. Narcissists are always focused on superficialities. I'm sorry, but focusing on how much hair someone still has and deciding they are overly proud of their hair is as superficial of an analysis as any analysis could get. There is no real sign that Blago is overly proud of his locks. Where was this analysis when John Edwards was on the scene?? We actually had proof of Edwards excessive fondness of his hair...yet this psychologist had nothing to say back then. Fraudulent quack.

I won't go into all the speculation on whether or not Blago is certifiably insane. All of the babblings of the news media only illustrate to me they know nothing of what they speak and their motivations are suspect. The word of the week has been "insane". Yet sprinkled in between pronouncing Blago insane they throw around the word "sociopath" and "narcissist". Anyone who knows anything knows that insanity is not the issue when talking about narcissism or sociopathy. They are not interchangeable labels! The profound ignorance of the talking heads is being blared from every mouthpiece and is driving your friendly blogger to distraction.

This is just one very good illustration of why you should ignore anyone, especially the 'professionals', who tells you that you can't tell whether or not someone in your life has NPD. They don't know Jack themselves. No one knows what NPD is more than someone who has suffered from its predations for years. Eggheads in ivory towers only know NPD from textbooks. I am absolutely convinced that if this psychologist actually had a person with NPD in his office he'd be blissfully unaware of that fact. Yet he'd label some arrogant snob or braggadocious windbag as NPD.

NPD is much more than arrogance or bragging or attention to personal grooming. NPD is, at its core, predatory. While vain, arrogant or boastful people may be annoying it doesn't mean they are predatory. Without that core motivation it just ain't NPD. NPD = malignant narcissism = evil behaviors. Evil as defined by exploitation and abuse of the most vulnerable. You can't tell that from how a guy styles his hair. Even if you're a 'professional'.


Anonymous said...

Good article, Anna, once again. The so-called journalists of this country are quickly turning what used to be an honorable profession into excursion into National Enquirer banality. No wonder the newspapers are going under right and left and people are turning to the internet for their real news.

I think Blago is a disgrace to this country, and Illinois seems to be good at birthing governors that end up in prison, Blago will go there if justice is served and will join former Illinois politicos. Abe Lincoln and hopefully Obama excepted.

I believe that politics draws narcissists like flies to honey and a disproportionate number of politicos have NPD. Ditto with the field of psychiatry. I personally trust neither and will continue to come to people with true wisdom and insight, like you, for guidance. Thank you, once again, for what you do here.

Anonymous said...

Another great blog, Anna! You cracked me up with this one. It's so true that the so-called "professionals" don't think WE should be making a diagnosis on the N/Ps we LIVE with, but they'll do it on one they never met, based on things like hair, or equally fallible "news" reports. Because, of course, we're just dummies who didn't go to Psychologist School, so what do WE know?

I do have to admit that Blago's hair is a bit attention-getting. Doesn't necessarily mean he's an N (although I suspect he's way more than that). Hey, maybe he's just too cheap to spend the money on a haircut until he gets his next kickback.

Did you ever meet someone who does have a totally inappropriate hairstyle/makeup/dress for their age and/or station in life? I have a couple in my ex-family. One works out and used to go around in the middle of winter in sleeveless tank tops, flexing her muscles in mirrors in our aunt's china closet and admiring herself. Goes to a tanning salon when she can't lay on the beach to keep up the tan. Long hair with bangs, dresses and makes up very young. If you see her from behind you would think she's about 25- until she turns around. And then, yikes! The face of a 50-year old, PLUS a bonus few wrinkles courtesy of the tanning booth. And this was when she was still about 7-8 years away from 50. BTW, this person is a total N.

Another one in the ex-family. Same thing basically- a "girl" who hasn't changed her style in 40 years. Long hair in a "flip" with bangs, dyed jet black, heavy caked makeup, long so-1985 fake nails, and raccoon rings of thick black eyeliner, all on a weatherbeaten 55-year old face. She looks worse than Nora Desmond in Sunset Boulevard. And she's another flaming N. I can only assume she's trying to pretend she still looks like she did in the 1960s.

I've run into several people like this. So I guess I associate these attention-getting styles with Ns because every time I meet someone who is trying to look like they're 30 years younger than they are, they turn out to be an N, stuck in a time-warp. In fact, I remember reading somewhere that they have a strange sense of time and the passage of time.

Since N's want attention and admiration, and they also see themselves as perfect, isn't it possible that some choose hairstyles/makeup/and clothing they think makes them look young? So people will compliment them and admire them? Also, so they won't have to admit they're aging, like everybody else? Why don't Ns believe in aging gracefully? Don't they realize they just look foolish and people are really rolling their eyes and snickering at them? Are they in total denial? Hmmm.......

Anyway, I don't know whether Blago is trying to re-capture his youth or whether it's a symptom that he's an N- but I do think he'd look much more professional with an appropriate, normal haircut.

Anonymous said...

I just finished having a conversation with my husband about being able to tell a tree by its fruit. I don't think Jesus was talking about horticulture when he made this statement. Nor do you have to be a nurseryman by profession to be able to recognise pears on a pear tree.

Point being, narcissists and other abusers are defined by their behaviour, and you don't have to be a genius to recognise it, all you have to do is to be able to learn from your experiences with abusers and be able to recognise patterns. If a six month old can do that, then most adults should be able to.

The problem arises when we think only the experts can tell aberrant behaviour from healthy. We might think we are deferring to someone else's cleverness, but it is actually avoiding responsibility for our own lives.

All it really needs is for adults like ourselves who have valuable lifetime's worth of experience with pear trees (if you know what I mean - apologies to pear lovers out there)to stand up and speak up.

We are doing that here, we need to go further and talk to other ordinary people around us, and encourage each other to call a spade a spade...or a pear a pear.

Anonymous said...

All the same it is bizarre that N's are seemingly blessed with a timeless appearance. I speak as someone whose has less hair on his head than my N dad who is past 60! The extent to which Mother Nature has played the role of his enabler is a cruel irony I have to live with.

I did have a bald N professor at college though. They ultimately denied him tenure and he had to leave the university when his book failed to materialize. This didn't stop him from peppering class discussions with talk of his two (!) books that were coming out any day that really only existed as projects in his lofty imagination.

Blago is vile and probably an N. That was my first thought when I heard his story. The bigger issue looming in your post is how much society is becoming like the narcissist. I read somewhere a description of the upcoming generation as "Generation Smug", twenty-somethings who believe, nay, are convinced they are destined for greatness. It's getting harder to see where NPD begins and society ends...

Anna Valerious said...

It's getting harder to see where NPD begins and society ends...


Anonymous said...

And it's not just "journalists." Anyone who writes a book these days is an "expert" and, ergo, "knowlegdeable" and, most importantly, "credible."

I recently saw a woman on TV plugging her new book about marital infidelity. She gave a free pass to cheaters. She said "Just because someone does (present tense) bad things (plural) doesn't mean that he or she is a bad person."

Um....then how can I know if someone is bad??? I guess only the hairdresser knows!

- Kathleen

Anonymous said...

I can only comment that my own N father has a manicured hair "do" that a few of this other N friends do as well. Its very VERY important to them, its a polished helmet that looks absurd, because they all wear toupee's. I have to say that they are super, super into their hair and everything is perfect, yet underneath these guys are bald bald bald! I think there is some truth to the observation, all the men N's I have known have been extremely overly concerned with having alot of hair, not showing too much baldness, this is just my experience!

my therapist also mentioned that older N fathers/men seem to be completely preoccupied with youth/hair !

Anna Valerious said...

That being said, it doesn't appear to me that Blago wears a toupe or spends inordinate time on his hair. I don't think we can safely assert that all men with a comb over or toupe is a narcissist so I don't think it is a reliable way to measure the character of a man. There are much more reliable signs of Nism than what sits on top a guy's head. Not all vain persons are malignant narcissists.

Anonymous said...

Actually, the kind of N that baffles ME that kind that is not attractive, balding,etc...(of do some version of this for a female)....and ACTS like they are the CatsMeow...and picks on whatever little quirk or imperfection I might have...

Many times, yes, Ns are beautiful people...and preoccupied with their looks....but ManOMan....I know a few doozies who aren't...I look more for the person who shits on my shoe and excuses themselves by saying MY foot was in the way. BehaviorBehaviorBehavior! BadBehavior (consistent course of actions) = Narcissism.

PS. My Nmom was preoccupied with my weight (and I wasn't heavy)....and DumDad and BadBrother jumped on the bandwagon for years. It took me 25 years to really look at my mom....and realize SHE had ALWAYS had a butt the size of Texas...while I was rarely out of a size 6 or 8. No one in the family picked on HER!

Anonymous said...

This is a link to an interesting article from yesterday's New York Times:

The rages seem to be consistent with NPD (even over a hairbrush).

I'm from Illinois, so I'll be glad when he's gone.

Anna Valerious said...

Ah, yes. There are many signs of Blago being a malignant narcissist in this article. His rages over his hairbrush tell us much more than just looking at his hair would tell us. What a detestable wretch. Can anything good come out of the Chicago political machine? T'aint holdin' my breath.

Wayness said...

Great post Anna. You really don't think it is a toupee? I am convinced it is a rug, but maybe you have a point. I had an N-dad (late) and he would never have raged or demanded to others like Blago. He (my n-dad) cultivated an elevated and saintly image in public, and did his dirty knifing usually one-on-one, or when he could manipulate a small number of minds reliably - like setting one against another. Or, just before appearing in public, so the person who just got knifed would look unhappy, while my dad would do a blissful star turn. So Blago is not behaving in a way that I personally recognize from experience. While Blago is repellent, to me he doesn't seem that much different than his colleagues, current scurrying to distance themselves, but formerly apparently more than willing to do business in the "Chicago Way."
I'm not holding my breath either.

Anonymous said...

Great post, Anna. It underscores what I've been thinking for a long time. Those with no personal experience dealing with a MN assume it's all about physical appearance.

They have no idea how far down the rabbit hole really goes. No inkling of how much cruelty, deceit and manipulation is concealed behind that smiling face. And even if you told them, they wouldn't believe you. Do they ever? It sometimes feels like you know vampires really exist because you've been attacked by one. But no one believes your crazy story.

Unless you have first-hand experience with a MN, the idea of someone dedicating every moment of their existence to the covert abuse of others is just too absurd to even consider. I suppose that makes them the lucky ones.

Anonymous said...

I agree it is totally irresponsible for the shrink to make such statements. It really minimizes what NPD is about. This reporting sounds like something done for interest, like a quick sexy little tidbit to attract readers.

It is true that Ns have a tendency to notice people who look well put together, and even obsess about it. My NM simply hated this other mother in town who was attractive and had a convertible sports car. NM had never met her or had dealings with her so she didn't know her at all.

If attention to hair were an indicator of NPD, I would be guilty because I like having nicely styled hair. My Nsister on the other hand, wears a simple ponytail. She tries very hard to make it appear that she puts little effort into her appearance and that she has "natural" beauty.

Anonymous said...

I just went from tears of sadness reading earlier posts (wishing everyone could just go a non-negotiable NC to the Narcs in their lives) to tears of laughter on the variety of observations on Blago's hair.

Sister Renee you made me chuckle because I too have wondered about these people who are groomed inappropriately for their age and the given decade.

One of my theories is that they reached a "peak" in their life of popularity, attention, personal satisfaction and,happiness when they were sporting a certain look, be it a fake tan, feathered bangs, black eye liner, leg warmers, what have you... so they are just desperately clinging to a certain look they had at a time in their life when things were good, hoping by looking the same, they can reclaim the life that was.

My other theory is there are people who are just sort of an excessive personality type. They are showy and need to be noticed even if people are looking at them in horror. Other people may be just lazy and uncreative and clueless.

Back to Blago's hair - my guess is he was riding high when that do of his was in style and so he just stuck with the same old lid that always worked so well for him in the PAST.

As for all the other victims of fashion and style crimes they have created a genre of endless TV make over shows and it seems most of these people who are trapped in these dated, ridiculous looks are not very happy.

I'm sure there are Narcs and normals out there that are fashion disasters but once again, Kudos Anna for slamming the shameless idiocracy of those "so-called professionals"!!

It's no wonder some of those Quacks don't utter a word in therapy... The more they say, the stupider they sound.

The only experts on NPD are we, the victims and survivors. Everyone else should keep their traps shut on the subject!

Anonymous said...

I've learned to say little when it comes to my ILs. People don't "get it." They say "oh, you've been hurt. You MUST forgive if you want to let go." NEVER do they say "What horrible people! You've been victimized!"

I had been part of a wonderful online grief support group (chat room) now defunct. I was a member since shortly after my DH was diagnosed, and was very supported thoughout his illness and after his death, and I believe I gave support also.

Until my NSIL stalked me there. The webmaster would "trap" her ISP and other identifying codes and would tell me when she entered the room (she changed her name all the time). She knew I was there and didn't realize I recognized her. She came in as a grieving sibling and said horrible things about her deceased sibling's spouse. Shook me to the core. I had just lost my husband!

I did not think we both could be in the same chatroom. I let those whom I trusted in on the fact this "grieving" person was my SIL and this was an attack. She even entered the room over 70x in one night by erasing cookies and changing her ISP codes.

One woman, whom I had struck up a friendship, suddenly became anti-me. She couldn't believe how heartless I was to not want my NSIL in the room (after all, the poor dear lost her brother) and I shouldn't take so personnally her rantings about the sibling's spouse (she is hurting, you know).

But the kicker?? She actually emailed the webmaster and decided there should be an "intervention"!!! SHE had taken SOME COURSES on how to recognize drug addiction and surely I must be abusing my DH's pain meds!! I have never met this woman, she lives on the West Coast (I'm on the East Coast), but surely my ILs can't be THAT bad. Must be I'm using drugs.
SHE is an EXPERT. I'm heartless, have no compassion, and now drug-addicted. Sheesh.

Fortunately, the webmaster is a very savvy guy and promptly told her to back off.

Very few people truly comprehend Ns.

- Kathleen

Anonymous said...

One time I was in a person's office that I worked with. His office was always very tidy and clean, but one day he opened a drawer in his desk and it was a mess! What I learned from that experience is there are people who look good on the outside, but are a mess on the inside. Inside being their thoughts, personal life, etc. Then there are those that you see that their desk is a bit messy, but you open their drawers and it is nice and neat. That's because they don't put things away unless they can put it up correctly or in an organized way. I fall into the second category, so my theory on the personality type of the second is that I may look a bit messy on the outside, but inside I am very meticulous and open person, who doesn't mind if you look in my drawers.
Well, that is my observation in the short form. Has anyone else ever noticed these parallels?

Bess said...

The Ns I've known were pretty plain in their dress and style - but my Ngrandmother was very vain despite that...her hair was thin because of medication she had to take, and she refused to come to my high school graduation party because she didn't want pictures to be taken of her when her hair didn't look like she liked it. (For the record, she still looked fine...her hair wasn't bad at all, but...) Maybe Blago is an a-hole who just happens to have abominable floofy hair - but it wouldn't surprise me if vanity stemming from narcissism may play a part in the floof.

Anonymous said...

Right on, NarcFree! Thank you.

Anonymous said...

RE: greendaze44\Angela said...

As far as 'parallels'....hmmmm. Could be....but also not. (Ya still have to go by BEHAVIOR)

The only reason I say because....I AM NOT A NARCISSIST...and I tend toward 'messy'....yet understand that a certain amount of 'tidiness' goes with being in the work force, organization, order, etc. No....I DO NOT want someone to look in my closet...or drawers...etc. I've been busy taking care of Ns for years....and my PERSONAL LIFE went by the wayside. NOW, I am working on getting some of this stuff 'in order'. Also....NO...I DON'T want my picture taken on a 'bad hair day' (RE: Billie) I can look 'bad' or I can look 'good'....and I'm not real keen on not 'putting my best foot forward'. DON'T 'just drop by anytime'....and DON'T look in my drawer or closets....etc. I AM 'self-conscious' about what I am wearing or how I look and about some of my 'messes'. No way around it.

I will admit there could be 'parallels'....but it would be a snap judgement on anyone's part short of an observation of N behaviour to go along with it.

Anna Valerious said...

Thanks, krl, for your emphasis on BEHAVIOR. It is what I'd like people to stay focused on. We can think we see patterns when we only know one or two narcissists, but I'm here to tell ya that the variations of narcissists are legion. Patterns based on hairdos, fashion sense, neatness, disorganization, etc. invariably break down. What doesn't break down is that narcissists behave consistently in certain ways that we can't necessarily detect by a quick glance at their persons or their environment. People always are attracted to methods of quickly deducing personalities and character types which has led to legions of book with various formulas and categorizations of behavior and people. These books and/or programs sell like hot cakes because people want an easy, fool proof way to sort and categorize the world around them. "The four temperaments" and astrology are two examples of this.

Anyway, thanks for trying to keep everyone focused on behaviors vs. appearance. It is a focus which must be maintained if a person is going to rightly identify the MNs in their midst.

Anonymous said...

"Maybe Blago is just an a-hole who happens to have abominable floofy hair"

Billie, I laughed so hard at what you wrote!! Am still laughing...

FYI: I happen to have abominable floofy hair that I get hedged down on a regular basis by someone who knows how to cut big hair. I certainly don't wear it the same way I did in the 80's when bigness was all the rage.

Blago needs a Manover!

Sometimes I think that these people who could improve their looks and style have no friends, or the people around them are too afraid to tell them they look weird...A narcissistic tantrum perhaps?

Anyway, my Dad's a major Narc, drives a spotless mercedes, lives in what we call the "mosaleum" and is impeccably groomed. His stately, old gent look certainly disguises the fact that his mind is warped. Talk about living in an alternate universe. One where he believes he is how he looks.

Interesting that the old narc has enough of a grasp on reality to get the societal disguise down pat. But projecting false images (untruth) is their specialty and ultimately their reality.

They are all just big fat liars and I wish they wore cow bells!

Bess said...

KRL: I'm so sorry if my post came off as offensive...I was only trying to say that the n's I knew weren't terribly flashy, perfect-looking people...and I feel the need to explain that my comment on my grandmother and her hair really only came up because she did not want to come to my graduation party - she used that as an excuse, because wanted to be able to pretend she would be front-and-center if she had arrived, but on some level guessed probably not. Again, no offense intended - and certainly, the summation of the evils of narcissism is inherent in behavior only - physical appearance of a person cannot do any such harm (or good, conversely) as their behavior.

Anonymous said...

Appearance is everything to every N, but not all N's are into looking attractive. It depends on what cover they've chosen. If an N's persona is the tragic victim, for example, they'll most likely cultivate a haggard look. Simply being vain doesn't make you an N.

Anonymous said...

Billie....thank you for commenting, though....believe takes a lot more than what you originally said to offend me. (In the world of things that are really, truly offensive...that ain't it)

All I was trying to do was make certain that nothing is misconstrued....that the emphasis remains on 'behaviour'...and perhaps I underestimated the readers' ability to not miss the point.

I am grateful and proud to be a part of this blog. Thank you ALL for each and every comment, every example, all the support and encouragement. Thank you, Anna.

Anonymous said...

Re: "Generation Smug" - how ironic reading some stranger generalize your entire generation under a flaw that only some have in a discussion that suggest not to generalize by looks.

Re: Behavior vs Looks - This is why I try to talk about Ns to as many people who can handle it. Every time you hear Stupid Disinformation on the news, it makes it harder for us who have gone through it to try to cure the curse and the consequences of MN. Malignant Narcissism is not a tantrum. It is not a cry for help. It is not a joke, or a misunderstanding. Malignant Narcissism is PREDATORY BEHAVIOR! And predators have never had a "look". Just look at pictures of known psychopaths or murderers. Their actions tell the story, not their faces.

As for psychologists, I expect them to have compassion, good listening skills, creativity and enough emotional maturity to know what to do with it all. I expect them NOT to give a diagnosis about people they've never met and NOT to distort what I tell them, either by trivializing, rewriting what I tell them, etc. I haven't yet met many people in society having all of these skills though.

Anonymous said...

RE: Anonymous Dec 16, 2008 10:14:00

Exactly. (I wish I could say things how you say them. Arrrggghh!)

While we're at it: There is no more a 'look' or a 'type' for an N than there is a 'look' or a 'type' for us sucker-punched victims. This shit crosses all 'boundaries'....both predator and victim come from every single walk of life, slipping under the radar of 'normal' detection. The predator 'shifts' tactics WITH the victim's 'variables'. They are Changelings. Don't even try to categorize them outside of their Evil Behaviour. If you do? That's a vulnerability that leaves you open to one. He/she WILL find you.

Linda of Connecticut said...


Just want to say again how much I appreciate your insights, as well as the pithy way you convey them.


Anonymous said...

I can't help but notice how much he resembles Mike Myers in "So I Married an Axe Murderer":

Anonymous said...

RE: Anonymous Dec 16, 2008 10:14:00

Of course "Generation Smug" is a generalization, just like Gen X, Y, the lost generation, etc. The point is to discuss general tendencies. It's amusing to hear Kanye West call himself the voice of this upcoming generation and compare himself to artists who actually revolutionized music such as Elvis and Hendrix. When Elvis swung his hips in the 50s or when Jimi played his guitar with his teeth in the 60s no one had ever seen such wonders on a stage. No one ever heard such sounds. West took a song from the techno band Daft Punk, blathered (um, rapped) all over it and considers himself in league with rock's pioneers. He is certainly smug, if not a narcissist, and it's interesting he himself claims to represent this generation. It's a generation of recycling matched by a huge "anxiety of influence." That's like when you rehash stuff from the eighties but can't bring yourselves to admit to an incapacity for originality. That's pretty smug, even if it's not narcissistic.

Anonymous said...

Who's Kanye West? LOL.

Anyway, I do agree about this stereotyping of certain kinds of looks as being definitely narcissistic. One movie that I liked, however, that I thought had a non-stereotypical depiction of an MN was Disney's _Beauty and the Beast_, believe it or not. The MN in that movie looked like he would be the hero of the movie, but he was actually the main villain.

Anonymous said...

Anonymouys @ Dec 18, 2008 10:52:00 AM

> Of course "Generation Smug" is a generalization <

But it fits like a glove. Aloof, cold narcissistic behaviour has become the cultural norm in western youth culture, but frankly, I think most will grow out of it' it's an act and not (very?) malicious.

> [Kanye] West took a song from the techno band Daft Punk, blathered <


Anonymous said...

For clarification I'll attach an email from my N father with the great hair that shows that while attention to personal appearance may be part of narcissism, the true measure is the hyperviolence they heap on their victims. To set this up, the crime I've committed is going NC for almost a year now, changing my phone # and not responding to his emails. I'm in my early thirties so I don't think I'd need to check in with a parent even if they were not an abuser. As far as my mother, she became mentally ill, most likely from his abuse. As any ACON knows the gifts are just an attempt at playing God and if you don't play along with their powerful delusions and fantasies you become the enemy. Read it and weep.

(my name),
stop this paranoic nonsense. I am fed up with this. You do exactly what you mather was doing, and you only will hurt yourself, just like she did!
I am mowing into a better appartment in *****, and I have many things for you, laptop, tv set, books, cloths, etc. Let me know where i can leave it?
I also bough another beautifull car in *****, Alfa Romero, and next
year I will build a house in the mountains.
(his name)

Anonymous said...

You are only hurting yourself if you don't stop what you are doing (being proactive) and start accepting a laptop,tv set, books, etc.
Huh. Decisions, decisions.
Sell my soul for a TV and a laptop or go buy them at Best Buy.
Tough choice.

House in the mountains? Alfa Romeo?
But I guess an apology would be too expensive for this guy.

Hugs to you.

- Kathleen

Anonymous said...

They SHOULD have to wear cowbells...great visual.

Confidential to Anony with the Ndad with great hair, who has some laptops, tvs,...hell on earth.

Give a safe address for him to take all that stuff for you. Mail him a cowbell, with a note that says thanks. Then go back to no contact.

Just kidding, I couldn't resist. But I think that all of us on here would love to see him open up his cowbell.

God bless and good luck to everyone who left the trash out of your life.