Monday, October 01, 2007

Do Narcissists Attract Supernatural Evil?

While holding my breath, I'm going to venture into the uncharted territory of narcissists and evil in the supernatural realm. I have never read anything in material about narcissism that even touches on I'm going to bring up now, so I don't know if I'm going to be describing a complete anomaly or if others will be able to relate. Because my entire approach with this blog is under-girded by my conviction that my experiences are not unique I will venture forth on that presumption now. This is a big deviation for me because I have made an effort to make sure I stay away from the purely speculative and buttress my comments and observations with logic. It will seem like quite a deviation for me from your perspective. Keep in mind, though, that I am describing experience. Mine. I have no way to prove it. I can only describe it. If you have had similar experiences you're going to recognize that I am describing a reality. It is very real to those who've gone through it even if you can't grab onto it, put it in a box and quantify it.

Halloween is around the corner -- as you've been forced to notice due to the movies coming out and candy and decor spread around the stores as you shop. This subject seems somewhat in the "spirit" of the season. So if I'm hitting wide of the mark of the subject of narcissism...at least I'm being seasonal. *big grin*

My narcissistic mother is a magnet for supernatural evil. There...I'll just throw that out there and try to explain what I'm talking about.

I have felt and experienced this evil personally so this is not a figment of her imagination. Unless you want to believe that I have an overactive imagination myself. Believe whatever you want. I have no vested interest in making this shit up. Being a very rational human being I sincerely doubt I would believe in a personal supernatural evil if I hadn't experienced it so frequently and persistently through my childhood. Even somewhat into adulthood. So, I understand if you don't believe in this unseen realm. For some of us it is not unseen or unfelt. In the meantime, I hope you'll be merciful in your judgment of me after this post. I think there is ample evidence that I live on terra firma. I'll just take one foot off the ground, but I promise to keep the other one planted on earth. I'm not brave enough to describe too much of the weirdness because I'm very unsure how it'll be perceived.

Let me go back to one of my Nmother's admissions made to me once or twice over the years. She doesn't believe that the attraction of evil to her is any reflection on her...so she has confessed some things that I don't think she realized how it really sounds to someone outside her self. The reason I believe what I'm about to relate to you is that there is supporting evidence outside of her to confirm it. I think my mother takes a certain amount of pride in the attraction she seems to present to the supernatural world. This explains her willingness to share what she has about the very early beginnings of her contact with it.

My mother admits that as a very young child she started having strange things happen to her including "visits" from something real yet intangible. Some of it frightened her, but one aspect of it she welcomed and embraced. Maybe what she is actually describing is the fact that at a very young age she started to embrace her own evil. I'll never know for sure.

She had a certain precocity as a child as well as being a very pretty little girl. She tended to be very reserved and quiet with adults. Watching, listening. She had experienced a certain amount of power with the adults due to her very pretty little face and well built little body. Her family worships beauty (to this day). There are many very pretty people on her side of the family. Members of the family were often ranked by their level of beauty. My mother has been admired for hers since birth. Perhaps this early and frequent admiration helped spawn the somatic narcissist in her.

What she started to experience was, not so much a voice, but an alternate intelligence as early as four years old. This intelligence did not present itself as coming from her own thought processes. She describes it as a old intelligence...one with knowledge that far exceeded what a child could possibly know. Though she was a little afraid of this sense of having company in her head, she started listening to it because it was giving her extremely important intell. The voice instructed her on how to manipulate adults. She proceeded to implement the information despite her little quiver of fear as to what this power might really be. She experienced great success. Unfortunately for her, this intelligence was not always benevolent. I know it will be tempting for some to attribute this phenomena to some organic brain disorder. If that makes you feel better, go right ahead. I am convinced there is a frequency out there in the supernatural realm that some people are easily tuned to. If you set your dial this frequency the signal comes in stronger. Stay set on this frequency and risk the loss of your soul.

My mother married a man who didn't believe in Deity and, most certainly, did not believe in a personal devil. Living with my mother for a few years changed his outlook...mostly on the existence of supernatural and evil beings. And I'm not talking about my mother herself. No, like the rest of us condemned to live in close proximity to my mother, he felt things. Things that can not be explained rationally. And if there was ever a man who liked to stick to rational...it was my father...especially way back then. I was only an infant when my father willingly conceded that there must be evil beings in the supernatural world. He had only been married to my mother for a couple of years at this point.

My childhood is replete with memories of fear. Where ever my mother made a home it was haunted. Enter a room and feel like you're being watched. See shadowy figures sitting in the living room in the dead of night. Even certain pictures gave off scary vibes.

My mother had a set of pictures that terrorized me for years. I even told my mother that the pictures scared me when I was around six years old...she just laughed. The creepiest one of all was hung for years over the toilet in the bathroom I had to use. So I had to turn my back on that freaking thing every time I had to use the toilet. It was torture. Especially at night. That picture moved from house to house and found itself hung over a toilet I and my sister had to use every time. It was always over the toilet that her children and the children she baby sat had to use. The last home of my parents that I lived in as a youth had three bathrooms. The picture was finally relegated to a half bath downstairs so I could avoid it most of the time. I was 16 years old by this time and I still hated that picture. The picture is gone now. Yeah, mom finally took it down after her daughters both left the nest and she no longer watched other people's children. What is with that? It is like she knew that picture unsettled children. She hung that thing for at least 30 years. I also wasn't the only one disturbed by this picture. Some of the children my mother baby sat dared to voice to me their unsettled feelings about the pictures.

I can understand my mother buying those pictures because she liked them, but there is something cruel and mean about keeping those pictures in the bathroom I was forced to use after I expressed my deep fear of them. My sister told me later that she, too, hated those pictures. These pictures featured children with inhuman eyes. The eyes enter the realm of the "uncanny valley". Very close to human, but not quite human giving you a feeling of revulsion. That I was as disturbed by them as I was I believe is because of the general atmosphere of my childhood home. In addition to the non-innocent child faces of these pictures they also depicted abandonment, sadness, poverty which reflected some of my deep childhood fears and feelings. I have found the actual picture on Google that hung above my childhood toilet. I can objectively look at it and see why some people may like the pictures. But I also see what is disturbing about the picture. I recognize that the picture was interpreted very negatively by me because of the atmosphere of my home and my life. So, as you can see, I'm not ascribing some supernatural power in the picture itself. But it was a representation of the creepy, inhuman and lonely, and sad undertones and overtones of my mother's home.

The pictures are a small thing, but it is representative of the general feeling of unease that both my sister and myself felt at various times. I am not a person who is afraid of the dark. At all. Even as I was growing up I tended to not be fearful of the dark. But sometimes I was. Overwhelmingly. There were times that I could feel that I was not alone. It was not a feeling that was ever-present all through the house, either. I would walk into a particular room and be instantly cold and aware that someone was there. Watching. Darkly malevolent. It would sometimes move to another room.

Maybe we had bad luck and always moved into "haunted" houses, you may say. Uh, no. I don't think so. The last home that I lived in with my parents was built by them. Brand-spanking new. No, it wasn't built on top of some ancient grave site. My parents still live there some 30 years later. That house is filled with the same creepy vibes all my mother's homes had. The common denominator is my mother. What is interesting is that this house my parents built and still live in has creeped out other adults. People who had no idea what my childhood was like. No mention by me of the scary feelings in my mother's home. They have commented on how they felt the very same things I have described here...like the place was haunted. No one sees ghosts. It isn't like that. It is a sense of a cold, malevolent spirit. One that watches and follows you. One that wishes you ill.

Even though I have been visited by this evil presence, I do not experience any of these things outside of my mother's home or presence. It is obvious, therefore, that I am not the magnet for this malevolent spirit. She is. She is the doorway that opens the crypt from which these evil supernatural presences walk freely. Think of it what you will. There is ample evidence that there is a supernatural realm and some supernatural beings are evil. I also think there is some kind of familial connection with evil spirits. I think when a parent invites evil presences into their life by their conscious decisions that these evil things attempt to lay claim to the children.

I have commented in another post that when dealing with malignant narcissism you are dealing with spiritual realities. Pardon me for quoting myself, but here goes:

~~~~~~
You are going to need a sense of moral and psychological strength in order to oppose the destructive spiritual and emotional force of the malignant narcissist. Whether or not you are a religious person, you need to realize that the malignant narcissist carries with them a malignant spirit. The second meaning of the word spiritual is what I'm describing:

concerned with or affecting the spirit or soul.

This
is the realm that the narcissist almost entirely operates in. This also explains one reason it is so hard to nail down the evil these people engage in. They move primarily in the spiritual realm. Which means much of what they do seems nearly intangible. Nailing them down resembles trying to nail Jello to the wall. What they do profoundly affects your spirit. When you've tried to explain the effects on your own spirit and the evidence of the spirit of the narcissist, you've often been met with outright skepticism and criticism of you and your motives. This is because people often can not relate to a spirit they've never encountered personally. It is easy enough for them to disbelieve something as ephemeral and intangible as spirit. Who can blame them for being unwilling to believe in the hatefully evil spirit of your mother?
~~~~~~

My post here today is a further exploration of the spiritual effects of the malignant narcissist. It may or may not be part of your experience. Nevertheless, this is one way that my mother's spirit has affected me (and many others in her life) over the years. I describe it in the expectation that I'm not alone in this experience. If you went through something similar you will probably appreciate knowing that someone is willing to try to describe what you too have felt despite the risk of the disbelief of others.

Depending on how this post is received, I may describe some of my mother's night time visits from something frighteningly evil. She has had this night time visitor come for years. Since her childhood it has been a love/hate relationship between her and this visitor.

If you can't relate to this post it really doesn't matter. It is not necessary to have experienced anything like this or to believe other's experiences like this in order to understand and deal with narcissists. This is just a sort of side street excursion. It will be relevant to some and just curiously weird to others. To those for who just find this wacky and weird...thanks for your indulgence.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

Last week a friend of mine was telling me about her narcissistic sister's rage---my friend said her sister reminded her of the girl in the movie The Exorcist with her head spinning about as she raged. I babysit this same narcissist's three year old granddaughter. The little girl shivers as she tells me that she is scared of the monsters at her mommy's house. I believe the little girl's mommy is a narcissist as well. I'm amazed at how many times I see/hear a narcissistic parent referred to as a monster or werewolf. I thought my own narcissist father was demon-possessed.

Would it make me feel better to attribute these strange feelings to an organic brain disorder? Oh, yes........sometimes I can't quite do that though. I do wonder sometimes if it's the affect that the narcissist's behavior has on us that gives us this weird supernatural feeling. I'm going through some things of my own with the aforementioned narcissist whose granddaughter I babysit. I'm having bizarre nightmares, panic attacks, and constant feelings of impending doom. It's just an unsettled feeling to know that someone wishes me such malevolence for no real reason.

Oddly enough, when I was about 8 years old, my parents joined a cult-type religion that was obsessed with demons, etc. This just fueled my fear of my father and his rages.

Naive No Longer said...

Anna,

I have never before been on a blog site, let alone responded on one. This site however has helped me TREMENDOUSLY in my healing journey. God bless you and THANK YOU for that.

As for your topic today, I think you know that you are NOT off-track in what you describe. The supernatural aspect of this is what makes it so maddeningly insidious and so difficult to get untangled from. I believe that every narcissist to a certain extent has opened the door and allowed in or even given "legal access to" evil on a supernatural level. It will play out differently with different narcisssists and the level to which their "interior rot" has sunk - but the two are very intertwined.

My mother's level of control over us, over events, and over her need for things to be the way she needed them to be, was so thorough and so profound that it reached a level of a swirling "witchcraft-like power". And I am now talking on a spiritual/supernatural level. Mind you, even though she wasn't a "witch", the level of control that she exerted allowed a similar power that is involved in witchcraft itself to come in and exert its web and influence over us - me in particular, being the oldest. This web of power over me literally had to be broken in prayer by people who know about this kind of stuff and were able to discern what was going on. I felt like I was literally extricated from a supernatural force given life through my mother, that had been swirling around me and kept me caught in its web and had literally prevented me from seeing things clearly where my mother was concerned. This may sound weird, but it is nevertheless true and has been my experience. Like you, I have many more things that I could describe and maybe I will at some point.

But let me encourage you to share more if you are comfortable. And to thank you once again for your boldness with the truth, your wonderfully accurate insight, and your courage to put it all out there for those of us that it has benefited ENORMOUSLY.

Anonymous said...

MY N relayed to me about being posessed. Yep. A spirit entered their body and took over.

I firmly believe narcissism is an evil presence. No doubt.

Pls. cont.to share. I asked the same question on the Lovafraud blog, it was discussed but academically and skeptically. Evil is real, my soul was hunted. I see it so clearly now.

Anonymous said...

This post was very timely and illuminating for me, as I returned from my yearly NM visit very churned up by what I can only describe as a sort of mental AND physical attack while I tried to sleep in a huge bed in a huge room on a huge estate. I have been reading M. Scott Peck's 'People of the Lie' and Dan Allendar's 'Bold Love' in order to get a better grasp on the spiritual dynamics of Narcissists and the connection with evil/spirit realm. JUST TODAY, some 14 hours before I read your post, I read this on page 237 of Bold Love:
"[Evil]finds its nourishment in the ability to soullessly eschew relational and emotional entanglements. It is as if the Devil offers the person freedom from human emotion, including the ability to harm others without guilt or fear, if he merely gives his soul to evil."
So this seems to be the theme of my day and also my last month as I struggle to get some clearance on some very bizarre incidents (the most dramatic being the one I described) while I was staying at Mother's lush estate . She has the very best of everything.

Now I think I may know partially why.

Thanks for your post. Please press on, for the benefit of all ACONS. Your voice is such a beacon to me personally.

Erin said...

Have you read the book or perhaps seen the movie called The Bad Seed?
The author William March explores something very similar to your brilliant narrative on what you call the "supernatural" in narcissism.

The movie is ok for a movie, but much of the deep understanding of narcissism is left out. My advice is to purchase a copy of the original 1954 book - the "unseen realm" is in there.

Anonymous said...

I don't know about a pervasive "evil" force. I do know that my NMom hates all organized religion. She invokes God when it is to her benefit ("Only God Sees Everything") and ignores God when it doesn't suit her purposes ("your sister was out reading THAT BIBLE of hers").

The only other funny comment I have is that this column brought up the time NMom saw a psychic, who told her that it was no mistake she was such an undiscovered 20th century talent - in past lives she had also been a persecuted in "Roman Times" as a Christian; burned as a witch in the middle ages because she was a misunderstood artist; and then died in childbirth in 18th century France - her beautiful singing voice dying with her.

The most excruciating embarrassment I had for several years was watching her, in all seriousness, tell anyone and everyone about her "past lives."

The biggest laughs I have these days are replaying the same moments in my head. Gold.

Anonymous said...

Narcissim is the spirit of Jezebel.

My own mother would rage about demons needing to be purged ...out of me of course since SHE could never be the demon beating me over the head with her hairbrush!

This also answers for me why whenever my mother spoke, it felt like she was CURSING ME...wishing for bad things to happen to me, my family, my children....i would tell her something happening in my life and her eyes would narrow and she'd spit out "oh, you think you have it all figured out don't you? Just wait...things will change...they won't be so easy for you anymore"....

Garbage like that. My hair would stand on the back of my neck and i would just feel all icky.

How to break free from these spiritual strongholds?

Very few people even believe my mother to be a N...let alone demon oppressesd.

Naive No Longer said...

Yes indeed, the spirit of Jezebel. That was another one that I had to have prayer to be set free from. Look it up in the Bible. Jezebel needed an Ahab (a passive one). I realized that I was my mother's Ahab. I decided to abdicate that role, once and for all. I just thank God that I'm getting free from her.

Anonymous said...

i highly suggest the book "Confronting Jezebel: Discerning and Defeating the Spirit of Control" by Steve Sampson.

hf
aka victim of narcissism

Anonymous said...

My narcissist husband left in March and I was so confused my entire marriage. After I learned about narcissism it fit 100% and was such a relief to know someone else knows what I've been through and why it happened. I realized he wasn't fixable and it wasn't my fault.

He used to tell me that from the time he was a young boy a man would appear at the end of his bed from time to time in the middle of the night. The first time he saw the man was in his grandfather's shed in daylight and he was a middle age man dressed in clothes that were older. After that it was only at night and the last time he saw him was during his first marriage. He said his baby was in the room and he was worried about the baby and ordered the man to leave "in the name of Jesus Christ and never return". He said it never did come back. I hope that's true because I used to sleep next to him.

For our wedding, my son was going to play the wedding song by Paul Stookey. It is a beautiful spiritual song and the backround of the song is Paul felt the song was inspired of God and refused to take any royalties from it - ever. This is because he felt the song was of God and not of himself. I was very excited about my son playing it. The night before the wedding my son woke me up at 3am cut up and bleeding. He said he remembered being slowly lifted from his loft bed and thrown over. He landed on his recliner, he was ok but just scratched and bruised. I went back to his room with him and on the other side of his room was the guitar smashed to bits. This was the guitar he was going to play the wedding song on. The neck was completely broken off the guitar and it would have taken a huge amount of force to do this - not to mention lifting him out of bed. Weird stuff like that has happened time to time before, but nothing as destructive as that. I never knew what to think of it. Sounds crazy but it really is true.

We got married and nothing weird happened again, but about two days after my huband packed up and took all his stuff out of our home and moved five states away, my daughters teenage friends were saying things like "your house feels different". There was never a lot of fighting or arguing and he was friendly to them so this was weird. Everyone agreed that the feeling in our home really changed though and that it felt like an evil had lifted and there was a peacefulness that wasn't there before. I was upset and devastated that he left, but I noticed it too. I definetly think there was some connection between my husband and the evil realm. Maybe not on a concious level for him but it was there.

Anna Valerious said...

Thank you to all who commented on this post. It was very interesting to see how many of you could relate to what I described. Thanks for confirming to me that others have also felt the unseen realm of evil through their narcissist.

Anonymous said...

I just passed through the VERY narrow window to get away from my narcissist business partner. It was so evil (I was blinded by his charming personality in the beginning and didn't perceive what I was seeing!)that my husband and I sold out to him and are moving. It took me years to sort through the mess I had gotten myself into. I did look for more of the spiritual side of narcissism to no avail. However, I did learn enough to understand the situation and the urgency to get out (we practically walked away from the business and gave it to him)...getting out and away is the only way when you are dealing with such evil.

So finding this post is an answer to or a confirmation of all my prayers and the truth I knew inside of me.

However, I do have one thing to add. When I was learning of narcissim and what I was dealing with, I came back to the Ahab and Jezebel story as well. My thought was that my partner really represented Ahab and was looking to find a Jezebel to help him do his evil bidding...if you really read the story you will see that Ahab more or less unleashed Jezebel to do his dirty work...Here are some examples...

Ahab son of Omri did more evil in the eyes of the Lord than any of those before him.

1Ki 16:33
Ahab also made an Asherah pole and did more to provoke the Lord, the God of Israel, to anger than did all the kings of Israel before him.


1Ki 21:25
(There was never a man like Ahab, who sold himself to do evil in the eyes of the Lord, urged on by Jezebel his wife.

So Ahab was not passive, that is not accurate. Maybe passive aggressive...but all the evil was inside him...and he had his wife (of his choosing)do his deeds for him.

I felt that while I was with my partner, he used me and whatever skills I had as a tool to help him get what he wanted. I also feel he rejected me as unsuitable, because I wouldn't ultimately give in and become "like Jezebel" and do what he wanted. I have since seen him go through other women to try and achieve his ultimate Jezebel. Each one had some traits he manipulated to see if they would do his dirty work for him...some were more successful at it and stayed a little longer. All of them got hurt badly.

So yes...the reality is all in the unseen, spirtual world I believe. I didn't think I was going to make it through. I hope I can help someone else that is going through similar trials.

liz said...

Anna,thank-you so much for sharing you own experiences with supernatural evil that N's attract. Myself, the grandchild of a male, N, I have often wanted to share my thoughts on the evil, the uncanny, and deviant behavior this man caused and causes. My grandparents were married for 72 years when my grandmother died at 93 in 2004. Now she had no part of such talk of evil spirits and the such. My Grandmother's place was in the kitchen, always in the kitchen, even when not cooking. Now two rooms away was a well furnished living room, but that was in the N's space. Well so was the rest of the house, but the kitchen. My Mom asked grandmother when she was going to clear off the dining room table for Christmas. She said oh no I cant do that, I have to wait for the right time. This was years of physical abuse, emotionaal abuse, beating his own children(by the N). The N, now remember my grandfather, molested myself and my sister for 7 years. My mom knew about the molestation, but never stopped it, the, N had my my cowered and beaten down even at the age of 33.
Now for my point and thanks for my rant. My "N" grandfather used to tell us of a ghost that visited him at the dinner table. I have often wondered if that is why he choose not to eat with the family, because of this ghost visitor or because he was too good to eat with the rest of us. My "N" had multiple affairs on my grandmother and so did his father, which ended up in my great-grandmother drowning herself, My "N" also claims to have seen her as well.
Now 2 years have passed since my grandmother died. The house is so, you just feel like something is sitting on your chest. I live 10 hours away so I fly in occasionally. I try hard to drink no fluids while there so I will not ave to walk to the back of the house. However, it was so hot out and I was drinking water and more water. Dreadfully I walked to the house and mom was in the kitchen and I told her, hey going to the bathroom. The stangest sensation came over me. My left leg would not lift and go over into the "N's" space. The living room, he was even asleep and still, I could not make my body cross that lne. Well, I had to go before my bladder busted, and I don't mean to be rude, but I had to squat outside in the bushes. I don't understand why I feel safe in the kitchen, but never, ever have I not been able to alk into other parts of the house. It was like a physical restraint. I am even considered the strong one in the family. I have given, my "n" hell so many times only to send him back to his hole. He will get brave and I verbally send him back. When he does come back out he seems stronger than before. He is 95 and in perfect health. He reads his Bibles DAily to quote scripture, oh that is just vile.
Well I could go on and on, but thank-you Anna for your blog sight. I firmly believe the open and frank discussions you have here are the pathway to healings. Also, it nevers hurts to be a step ahead of our "N'"

Anonymous said...

Sickorama! This stuff is real and I have seen it in action. I know my mother for years had a sick fascination with demon-possession, in that she would accuse some of my father's family as being possessed. (which was false) - She had a fascination too with "Sybil" the movie, about schizophrenia.

I conclude that Anna's mother opened herself up to something sinister. As well, with each passing year, it was hard to tolerate being with my NM for more than 1 hour, as depression, hopelessness, nothingness, and a dark cloud lingered several hours after I would leave her home. A sense of doom; my mother in her later years (80's) after losing my father to cancer wanted me to take her to the cemetary to visit his grave. She had me go over every tombstone reading each name in that cemetary, standing right smack on top of each plot. No respect, just gleefully checking out who died and at what age, remarking how they looked older than their ages. My mother had a morbid personality. One time, she instantly slid into this other personality and started to talk about death and her dead friends and how they lay in the cold ground. I now know that an evil spirit is in charge of just about every N out there, but that these have no power over anyone who hasn't invited them in.

I am a trying -to- be christian thanking the Lord for His grace in giving His Word that, Greater is He in us, than he that is in the world.

Anonymous said...

Maybe that is another reason I am terrified of the dark. Something always creeping up on me ready to leap and being alone. I need to get over these fears another reason I know I am going to be terrified when I first start living on my own.

I am not really into the supernatural thing but it is a possibility. Sometimes thoughts leap into my head for no apparent reason and I push them out. In the scriptures you read of people that are taken over by evil spirits I believe that they cannot come in if you don't let them.

Garfield

Anonymous said...

I have to say that although my Nmom is the reason I tune into this blog, I also have a Nbrother who has such an aura of evil, it is disgusting. I have actually seen a demon in my Nbrother on more than one occasion. He terrorized my entire family, my other brother was usually his whipping post, me not so much since he is 7 years older than me. There have been times that I spent times of praying for him, and it was like all hell broke loose in our house, literally.

Lane_in_PA said...

Wow, the timeliness of reading this post is giving me goose bumps.

Yesterday I had a great session with my therapist, thanks to finding your blog, Anna, and the mind-blowing enlightenments I experienced. This resulted in my being more open and candid during those 50 minutes. This time I told Mr. C about my recurring nightmares about my mother which spans more than 30 years. His response was that children shouldn't have nightmares about their parents. Very lively and thought provoking conversation resulted. I left feeling energized and stronger.

BUT I withheld some things for fear that they would sound off the chart whacky, things even I am having a big problem trying to understand although they actually happened.

On July 3, I ended my relationship with my mother. She had pulled another one of those Ultimatums of hers -- always threatening to never speak to me again or cut me out of her Will if I don't do what she demands. Her demands are irrational (no surprise there, huh?). The BIG DEMAND is that my husband retire early, and we move to Atlanta to take care of her. No way, Mother. She also demanded I return some jewelry she had given me a couple of years ago. That I could do. Not only did I return the pieces she asked for, I returned every jewelry item she'd ever given me since childhood. It felt like a box full of kryptonite and I was relieved to send it back.

Since that day, my nightmares about her have intensified, and now my husband is having the same nightmares about my mother.

One nightmare I had was really awful. I dreamt she was hitting me and had grabbed onto my arm and was trying to pull me to her. It was around 2 a.m. and I woke up yelling and crying. But when I woke up again at 6 a.m. to begin a new day, I was startled to find bruises on my right arm. When I looked at my arm in the bathroom mirror, I saw 5 distinct marks -- like a thumb on one side and 4 finger marks on the other. It's been over two weeks and the bruises are still visible.

It gets weirder: When I was a child, my mother had total control over what us kids wore. She made all our clothes and her favorite color was plaid. (I hate plaid to this day, I wonder why.) At 16 I got my first job at a Hallmark store and with the money I made, I started buying things for myself that my parents refused to let me have, like clothing that wasn't plaid. What my mother would do was ruin my new outfits by spilling bleach on them when doing the laundry. She always said it was an accident, but she never apologized. It never happened to anybody else, just to my stuff. So I stopped buying new clothes.

Last week, I had bought a new blouse and wore it when my husband took us out for lunch. We ate at Friday's and had the BBQ shrimp. I was really careful about not getting BBQ sauce on my new blouse. It was such a lovely shade of pink and the fabric was so soft and comfortable. When I changed into my gardening duds later that day, I examined the blouse again to be sure I had no BBQ sauce on it. It was pristine, and I folded it up but I didn't put it back in the closet, I left it on a chair in our bedroom.

The next morning I began straightening up our bedroom and unfolded the blouse to hang it up in the closet, and there before my disbelieving eyes were bleach-bright white circles across the front of my lovely new blouse. It is ruined.

Do I believe Evil can manifest events in the physical plane? Yes. From miles away? Yes.

Great post, Anna. Thank you for your revelations about Evil and providing a place for its discussion. I thought I might be losing my mind, but I don't believe that anymore. Evil IS real.

bella1492 said...

I know this is an old post, Anna, and I completely understand if you don't respond.

But I am curious, did your parents ever have trouble selling any of the haunted homes they've owned?

This is why I ask. To make a long story short my N father-in-law is a pedophile, a fact we learned only a couple of years ago. N father-in-law and N mother-in-law's reaction to exposure was to put their house up for sale and slither out of town in "hiding". (They think we don't know where they are but we do. We have warned all their new neighbors as well as the extended family.) Their house has been on the market over a year and a half and NO ONE wants anything to do with it.

I know the economy is bad and the real estate market is in turmoil, however by appearances it is a very nice house I think a lot of people would be happy with. But this post has reminded me that all of the houses my inlaws have owned since I've known them had that downright CREEPY vibe to them that one cannot put their finger on. Couple that with the fact that N mother-in-law does have a weird Christian view of always trying to chase "demons" away from others (Not herself, oh no!) this post has given me quite a lot to ponder. Of course there's also the fact that the inlaws had trouble selling their previous two homes. This post has given me quite a lot to ponder.

Thank you so much for this blog!

Jan said...

Anna,

I just saw your post on Supernatural Evil...well let me tell you I had to battle those demons when I left my mothers house. She and my sister insisted on always coming to my house, every time they came and left BAD things happened to me. God gave me the strength to know what to do...Now those demons,my sister and mother less power over me. I am well aware of what you are talking about. It's scarey!

Tara P. said...

I am so relieved to have found this post, because it makes me feel much, much better about a lot of my experiences growing up, and even now. I still believe to this day that something entered into my mother and stepfather when we moved into a house during my childhood and has never left them. I used to hear something breathing in my ear at night, would awaken paralyzed, and 25 years later still do not like to be alone inside of it. I had a dream one night that I fell down the stairs and found my mother looming above me, filled with rage and disgust that I was so weak and helpless...to this day I don't know if that really was a dream, but to this day it has come to speak volumes of her true, darker character.

It has taken me a very long time to really believe that I am truly good person. It's a hard thing to overcome after years and years of constant criticism and attacks from people who want to beat out of you what they don't see in themselves. And it took me along time to realize there was a life out there among OTHER good people.

I had to end a relationship with someone after he told me "You're a good person. I don't want to hurt you." I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he truly was bad, and I am good. At the beginning of things he made a comment that he "has some demons knocking around in there, and most of the time I have a good grip." I think I commented back that "everyone has something." But most people's "something" are NOT demons, and I don't doubt that his truly were. I was naive to not take that statment for what it was. And trust that those demons ARE infectious. I was beginning to lose myself around him. I would enter his home and immediately be filled with dread and a sense of impending doom. I doubt now that anything was really as it seems, though I have no real proof to back that up, and don't plan on wasting the energy to do find it. The scary thing is, I don't think I even saw the very tip-tip-top of the iceburg of what else was lurking below the surface. I think he knew there was something really wrong with him, and at least for a little bit my goodness appeased it. But it didn't last long. Part of me likes to think that he does have a shred of humanity to release me the way he did, but a bigger part of me knows that it's probably because he knew he would never be able to get away with what he really wanted from me. Yet another question that requires no real answer or energy wasted on getting one.

I had a dream shortly after we parted ways that he was in a house, and he was angry. All of the sudden I was looking out from his eyes. He sat down at a couch and looked down at his legs and arms to find that his bare bones were exposed, and they were rotting. I was seeing him as he sees himself at his core. I awoke from that dream both frightened to MY core and more relieved than I have ever been in my life. It was definitely NOT my job to stick around and try to fix this and excorcize whatever demons. "The Excorcist" was referenced in the first comments, and while I know it wasn't meant in the context I am using now, I'd like to point out that the priest doing the "excorcizing" met his violent death from the very hands of the girl he was trying to save.

Trust this blog and your gut and intuition.

Kate W said...

I don't doubt anything that anyone has shared here and I appreciate each one for having the courage to do so. Evil does indwell some people, particularly N's. Having been on the receiving end and seen it firsthand, I can also say that it's true. There's an oppressive sense of dread one has in the presence of an N. When my N ex husband finally left our home, my son said it's so nice to come home and know that he's not here... the house feels different. Indeed it did. My N is 'Mr. Religious,' which is nauseating at best because he's evil personified. Isn't there some saying about how even the devil knows the Bible? Anyway, I wondered if anyone else has noticed that N's have a look in their eyes, almost like shark eyes. The funny thing is that it's often not obvious but visible only in photos. There was a photo of my ex that seriously disturbed me well before we separated and divorced. So much so that I had to throw it away. Weird. Now that I know who (what) he really is, that feeling I had when I looked at the photo doesn't seem so hard to understand. Thanks for this site, Anna. A Godsend.

vicariousrising said...

Man, this post has given me a lot to think about. My Nmom used to be very proud of what she believed was her supernatural sight and she believed she could curse people and animals to death with ill thoughts. Weirdly, she recently told me she no longer believes in the supernatural. She didn't explain why, but I sensed a deep disappointment from her. My guess was that she had wished some people dead, and it didn't happen. For one, I am still alive and kicking.

My mother collects creepy-ass dolls. They freak me out too, with their unnatural faces and staring eyes.

Thanks for posting this. Food for thought.

Unknown said...

Yes. My N husband was known at work as "Fred", and he was a a reruiter for the US Navy. We had been married for 5 years and he had gone from my knight in shining armor to a total contol freak, abusive, belittling, a-hole....I kept telling myself it was the job....be patient...this, too shall pass. I t was Halloween. We watched that horror movie with the Freddie Krugger charactor who inhabits childrens dreams, or nightmares, and then, the nightmare comes true. Interestingly, I was also taking a senior Psych class at University in Dream interpretation, at the time....So, I have this dream of my husband and myself with our children, in the park on a beautiful Spring day, with the flowers blooming, and laughter, and the scent of lavender in the air, and all things lovely and good, but something changes and it becomes dark and foreboding. the weather changes. What was lovely becomes scarey, dangerous and evil. I seem to be aware that I am dreaming, and struggle to wake up...I do, and stay awake for awhile, only to re-enter the same dream....the man in the park with me and the kids is my husband Fred the recruiter....
My husband was cheating in the most dispicable ways...under my nose, wanting me to know...
I actually heard evil speak into my ear one night, and it said, 'get away from the Church." Just to make this clear, it was the one and only time, I ever heard avoice...I am not crazy.
A really good symbolic/pop culture/hollywood/jungian representation of evil can be witnessed in the movie, "The Devil's advocate"....a really good metaphore of my marriage to a narcissistic, sexually addicted, super hero, intimacy phobe.

Kristen said...

Hi Anna, Old post I realise but you described an evil presence or something and it reminded me of my family home, growing up there felt like there was something dark and unfriendly, shadows would flit past, things would move, you would hear sounds, new house too. I don't know if it was the narc/s in my life attracting negative entities (entirely possible) but I think a lot of the negative energy came from my narc father. There was something intangible but unpleasant always. I can't say about their house now as they don't live in the same place and I don't go there much but chances are my narc father will have some negative vibes around him - my enabler mother too. It goes without saying, anything negativity that is not dealt with doesn't just go away. Energy can come from negative thoughts too as well as attitudes.

Georgia Byrd said...

Oh my gosh! totally breaking blog etiquette and responding BEFORE I read, I am totally flipping out, just skimmed the comments "going out on a limb" and "not a coincidence (to living in haunted houses growing up, something to that effect) and completely just had my mind blown! My mom was a rip roaring MN, evil through and through, and the house I grew up in which she still lives in to this day was TOTALLY HAUNTED!!! Not 'kind of', 'get the impression something creepy' kind of haunted, but 'hollywood' haunted, with flat out seeing ghosts, voices coming on over phone conversations, doors slamming, pictures falling off walls, the whole stinkn' nine yards. And get this, my sister who 'if you can't beat 'em join em' narc'd out and is one breath away from turning completely into my mom, HER house is full on haunted (she freaking saw a black winged creature fly/jump from the neighbor's rooftop onto her garage rooftop once while having a smoke... and so much more, I heard voices in her place, my sweet as pie niece when she was a small child referenced seeing things and her toys moving, the gammit). So yes, yes and yes! I completely believe that Ouija boards and tarot cards and all that shite open up portals, so what would be the biggest, living breathing portal opener than an N itself? You hit this so right on the head. I think they must be the flashing neon signs of the underworld "Vegas, next left" turnposts for every dark spirit passing through this world. Freaking A. Oh! And more broken etiquette... I've tried to respond before but botched my response, I wrote a long response to your latest new year's post here on 2014 just a few days ago. I went on forever thanking you Anna for this blog post. I hit my limit two years ago, looked up narcissism, and at 39 finally went whole hog NC, moved to another town, changed my life etc etc. Still working on the narc magnet a bit (but not much, you did quite an 'exorcism' with your truth.... I was quite the doormat and tho still giving signals am getting rid of N's quite quickly if not totally deflecting them in the first place, but came back for some deep refreshing and strengthening to go up against a giant MN church elder in my new town's church, totally sucks I'm going to have to leave it, but not without exposing him. Anyhoo..... the yerba matte's caffeine and B vitamins that I just drank are kicking in full throttle so I'll sign off before I give any more A.D.D. comments, maybe i'll post more when i'm more composed..... just a big fat love ya' and thanks, and you totally blew my mind with the post (again, I haven't read, but isn't it weird being a Christian and having had grown up in a haunted house... you would think you could mention this as a Christian as it's all over the bible that this stuff exists, but on top of not mentioning MN upbringing to 99% of people, we also have to keep the haunted house stuff under wraps because even Christians have flat out said, "I don't believe in that stuff." Thanks everybody!!!!!!! You're all kick ass!!!!!

J BC said...

I have a mother I highly suspect is a malignant narcissist.
I also have a preschooler.
My preschooler was exposed to my mother and 9months later was 'ready to tell me' about 'something bad Granny did' to her.
The whole tale is typical of a narcissist, but my 4yr old's description of her Granny was "Granny scared me by turning into a ghost. She made a ghost face like this." And with all her might my child grimaced and huffed through her nose. She said she was so scared she could not leave the room or call out for help. I was in the hallway barely out of reach.
And while I understand she is young, 3 at the time and now four, she also recalls with accuracy things from 2 years ago and more. We have no reason to doubt her.
And the details were all consistent and plausible, in context the circumstances also fit. She knew which day it was too, the last day we were there.

I know the face, and it's simply not human. It is my mother's face, but her eye's change, and the face is contorted into such an unnatural state that both my husband and I agree it is best described as demonic, regardless of believing in devils or not.

I will confess I sometimes hope she is only possessed and not just purely evil within herself.

I used to hear the dishes being done as a small child, but could not open the kitchen door, I'd hear the front door and go to see who had gone out, but it was still locked.

I felt a presence when I lived there alone, I became overwhelmed with combativeness and defensiveness. I don't care to go into detail.

My husband and I both heard knocking as clear as day on the door of the living room.
No wind, no pipes, none there and only a snoring mother in another room (I know the fake snore sound, it wasn't that fake) and the house was locked up for the night.
I also heard glasses chinking in the attic the following night and plates moving (although that could have been a seagull on the roof, it sounded more like a plate).

The 'cat' used to play the piano, and the TV used to switch itself on again long after you put the remote down, and some rooms were just never even warm, not even after insulation upgrades, having the largest proportional heat source and new windows.

No old graves, a few antiques and stonework from stones taken from buildings where the stones have been used, dismantled and reused for 600-6,000 yrs.
And a brass mantle part from a sunken ship...but that is the warmest and safest feeling room of all and always bright and warm. Even when she's in it causing mayhem.

I am 'sensitive' and do 'feel things' my father, an empath the same way. But 'some things we're just not meant to know'. My mother has never been 'sensitive' but in recent years claims to be 'psychic'...it'll be another rouse.

Lil never sail said...

Hi. Boy am I glad to have found this site.From as far back as I can remember there was always this intrusive feeling of a non visible presence. Always being watched. And yes every home seemed to be haunted. I absolutely agree with your assessment about your mother being a portal for evil beings. Only when I was older did I understand she made friends with the damn thing. It was her own little secret and she loved watching the hell it caused us emotionally.
Now, who would believe such a story? Your right you can't make this shit up. When my mother was eight months pregnant with me my father wouldn't allow her to have an abortion. She had five kids already and I wasn't supposed to be here as she often told me. So she found more creative ways to show her anger that my father took that control away from her. She said a letter arrived one day.
It had a big black circle on the back. Inside was a picture of a lady holding a baby. The baby's body was colored in black, the eyes colored red with a hole drawn on the forehead. When I was born there was a big black bruise on my behind. Doctors said they didn't know what of was but that it would fade in time. And it did, physically
Spiritually it was a mark for all kind of horrors. So she basically served me up like a turkey dinner to the devil so that the harassment would stop in her life. As she had the night time visitor as well.
When I was 16 I asked her about these nightmares as she left a journal out for me to read. Her reply was that "it left her when she had me". "It". I can't go into the evil that has plagued me as a result.
my siblings under same curse but I was the one who saw and felt and smelled things. Absolute terror and paralyzing fear only begins to describe what I've lived through. And she knew exactly what was happening to me and it made her squeal with glee.
There, take that you little whore for burdening me with your existence. I believe she had a familiar in the form of a dog. She was always bringing home dogs then quickly discarding them. Guess you have to have just the right one. There is a very real evil dictating narcissists.
This made her feel powerful over others. This bitch tried to kill me. TWICE that I know of. And who would believe such an outrageous story? Thank you for sharing your story. Some crazy shit huh?

Maggie Moreau said...

My aunt has the polar opposite view of supernatural goings on. I casually mentioned that I felt like my grandmother was "always with me" even in death, and she practically called me schizophrenic. WTF? It's not uncommon to have dreams about loved ones, or have fond memories of them, or feel their prescence or essence around you, but she thought it was a mental illness. I can understand not getting that warm fuzzy feeling yourself, but to extrapolate and act as if someone else is "crazy" for feeling that is messed up.

On another note, Mom, Grandma and I had to spend the night at Aunt's house during an ice storm. She had the heat blasting and a roaring fire and we couldn't stop shivering. My dad stayed back at our house, even though it was below zero out and the power/heat was out. I think he felt warmer there than we did at her house. It was a kind of metaphysical cold (or supernatural, or spiritual, whatever word you want to use). I absolutely know what you mean about shadowy figures, although it wasn't too bad because I was sharing a room with Mom and grandma, and we all unanimously agreed to leave the light on overnight. When my grandma's power came back on at her apartment,we went there as soon as possible. Funnily enough, even though it took a few hours to warm up, we weren't cold at all.

Archie said...

I've recently had my reality totally switched on me. All of this is so overwhelming and hard to believe unless you've gone through it and even then I'm questioning everything. I saw this was posted in 2007. But if you still read your post's and see this, can you email me. It's all too much to post in here. vern_archie@yahoo.com Thank you

delilah said...

I am presently on an up to three month death bed with the MN in my life and to be honest, this is my number one observation about it.

It is uncharted territory for me as well but if I were to describe what this is like, it is as if the gates of H$ll are opening up.

It is as if MN is kind of like drinking ayahuasca (in a way), the evil of her that my DH absorbed (as much as he claims none of it is absorbed) seems to be purging out. There are also a lot of injuries around my DH, which is interesting as that is MNs biggest beef. He is HERS, and WW3 all started because I stole him from her, he is her most valuable tool you see.

The Tuesday, just one week before MNs death bed numbers were given from the doctors, my husband almost died. MN was admitted to the hospital the Sunday after my husband went through his ordeal. My husband had another freak accident yesterday, this is just three weeks after the first ordeal my husband had, these are so uncommon yet they seem to be all the time right now. These are so uncharacteristic of him. The timing is incredible.

When I heard MNs health was not going well, the number one question I wondered about was where do the evil spirits go that occupy her? Do they fly around and look for another host? That was honestly my first concern.

It feels like such a dark time, it is so hard to describe.

delilah said...

I am bit freaked out right now as I am drawn to posts about narcissist and death beds and supernatural evil right now and I am so grateful for this blog. It helped me to identify what was going on to begin with back at the start of my relationship with the MN and now it is helping me get through the end, through the exit.

I read all these responses this morning and I am so sure that this is exactly it.

This MN that I am dealing with had a husband who was like an evil team member. When he died, there was a lot of glass breaking in the time around the death, a plaque just sort of came off the wall, shattering in two, his picture that my husband was carrying in a pile while planning the funeral just sort of fell out and shattered all over the face area of his picture. My husband was driving and just like that the hood of the car just popped up, shattering the windshield. These happened in the weeks after the death.

The MN currently on the death bed has survived about 10 self inflicted health emergencies that most would not have survived, at her old age. Each time, comments are things like, there has to be something else going on there. It is as if she is supernaturally protected by some evil force from dying.

I feel that the doctor is right in his death bed prediction because all these accidents around my husband are happening again, just like that. Totally out of character and just now my DH is acting just like the evil husband of the MN on the deathbed, he is resting from the last accident, falling asleep with the TV on, just like the husband of the MN use to do, it is as if his spirit is here.

It truly feels as if some port hole has just opened up as H$ll welcomes one of its most evil home again.

I am wondering what happens on her entrance home, is there some Grammy award ceremony where they all sit around in an audience applauding the evil ones for the parts they played in life? Do they watch re runs of the horrific behavior and laugh their heads off?

Well this evil MN is probably up for the award of pretending to be a Christian. Bet she takes home the gold Metal.

They are probably howling with laughter at all the ones that believed her even after all the evil things she did while claiming to be so holy.

Angela N. Hunt said...

*nodnod*

This was very similar to my experience with my NM. It's why I've never let her anywhere near my children since the day they were born.

Thank you for sharing. You're not alone.

Daddysgirl said...

My MN Mom 's face used to change like a cat and her eyelids were lowered. That is how I knew the evil was present and was about to hurt me. She died in March. I was not notified and her Last Will and Testsment was straight from hell!!!! She slapped pretty hard. But... it is over.... finally over. I could ball my eyes out right now . There was never any mercy even in death.