Friday, September 14, 2007

Sniper Attack

I'm just cruising around Google checking different things out, and I stumbled across an article. The link is here. Actually the page contains several articles stacked up. Under the heading of, "Bullies, Narcissists and Snipers" July 2004 there is an interesting definition of the back-stabber. Sniper. You have to page down to find it. Here is a snippet:

Otherwise known as Back Stabbers, these folks can be difficult to deal with because they are friendly and agreeable to your face, and will always deny any hostile intent, yet they find ways to attack you invisibly, or when you’re not looking. The best way to deal with this passive-aggressive behavior is to surface the attack: that is, let the sniper know that you realize what’s going on, and if you can, point out the sniping behavior as it’s happening. This will likely make the sniper mad, but usually the attacks will diminish over time if you confront them calmly and consistently.
This is instructive for all you out there who may be dealing with a sniper or a bully. Or a narcissist who is a sniper and a bully. Don't take it lying down. Even though some of the bystanders will scream at you for daring to assert yourself...keep the exposure front and center. Take it to the little sweet-faced backstabber. Don't pretend you don't see what is happening. Don't think that by keeping your mouth shut that you are somehow rising above it all. There is no virtue in that. Bullies smell red meat if you do not stand up to them. The more you take their crap, the more crap you're going to get. Bullies are cowards. Period. As long as they feel they have support of others they can act all brave. But if you are fearless in exposing them they will seek an easier target. You won't be worth the pain you're causing them. The sniper is a particularly cowardly version of a bully, therefore your efforts to expose them will be particularly effective.

So, armed with that knowledge, go make a scene. Calmly.

2 comments:

Barbara said...

Great great post! A couple thoughts:

1. be prepared for the narcissistic rage, which will be endless and boundless - but TELL TELL TELL. Ns hate being exposed but if you care about yourself (or them) you will tell!

2. My friend Shelly at You Are A Target says we're 'only as sick as our secrets.' So true! Yesterday I happened to catch Montel and heard a group of young women talk about the sexual abuse they received as young kids. The one thing they all said? We wish we'd told! and kept telling until someone believed us.

Yes. Expose the 'sniper' for who they are. You're harder to hit if you're a moving target. Moving towards the truth!

Anonymous said...

I dumped someone I thought was a good friend five years ago. He is a narcissist and a back stabber. When I discovered what he was doing - lying to and about me, telling friends and neighbors not so nice things about me, I cut off contact with him. I was stunned that someone I had always been kind to and supportive of could be so cruel and devoid on any empathy. At the time, I felt it was best for me to move forward and keep him out of my life and away from my family.
If I had it to do over again, I would have exposed him for the lying manipulator that he is.