Saturday, October 21, 2006

More on Gratitude Substitutions by Narcissists

I'm going to briefly summarize another way a narcissist....or "narcissistically defended" person....avoids showing gratitude. Being able to recognize what is happening will allow you to stop contributing to the negative dynamic in your relationship with the narcissist.

The next anomaly is that of "reversing roles".
This tendency to respond to a solicitous inquiry with "Okay" or "Sure" or the posture of equivalent solicitude typifies a narcissistically protective interaction. The assumed position is, "You're the one with the needs here, not me; but I'm such a good person I'll humor you." Denial of Remorse & Gratitude
These people are so god-like in their own minds that the act of asking a favor, or even accepting an offered favor, is considered to be an act of humiliation, so they twist things around so that your offering a favor is actually them granting you a favor. Doesn't get more upside down than that. Upside down is pretty much the description of life with a narcissist. Black is white. Right is wrong. In is out. This is yet another manifestation of the upside-down dealings of the narcissist in everyday life.

2 comments:

Barbara said...

OMG Anna! I just stumbled on this one!!

My ex did that same thing. "Sure" or "its up to you" - total N!

SHEESH!

Anonymous said...

My mom did that all the time and I have picked up the habit. The problem with living with them and being raised by one is that you do things without knowing how twisted they are.

Luckily a friend pointed out how annoying this was to me and I am now trying to kick the habit. I am at the point where I just don't care anymore about anything most of the time. What I will eat whether or not I eat the same to me. Living with my mother so long I am at the point where I really feel a nothingness for myself like I just live for others sometimes. Like I could care less if I were alive or dead.

Any ideas on how to get out of this habit of not caring much about myself?

The TCON,
Garfield