tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post4672569836378108891..comments2024-03-16T14:19:24.563-06:00Comments on Narcissists Suck: A Few Thoughts on BulliesAnna Valerioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-1670671076848097592014-02-17T18:27:21.529-07:002014-02-17T18:27:21.529-07:00Glad you're feeling encouraged by this post, A...Glad you're feeling encouraged by this post, Angie. Don't forget that bullies see kindness as weakness. It could be that you're a VERY nice person. Decent people won't try to exploit you for your kindness. Bullies and narcissists will see a big target. Don't stop being nice. You just have to learn how to discern when someone is exploiting your kindness to their own ends. Hint: reciprocation. If there isn't any then beware.Anna Valerioushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-89519219633733355662014-02-17T11:25:06.541-07:002014-02-17T11:25:06.541-07:00Wow was that insightful! I loved it. I am a bully ...Wow was that insightful! I loved it. I am a bully magnet. I hope that my first step to recovery. I have been kicking myself and beating myself up for so long because I could not figure out why I attract these people. And over the years I've stood up for myself sometimes it worked and some times it has not with a result in job loss. Just trying to convince myself I didn't belong there anyway. I wish I knew how "NOT" to be a bully magnet because being confident does not seem to help me. I need to work for someone who has my back and I know that may be hard to find. However, now that I know this, I can breathe easier. Thank you....Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08986823031911620953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-62288650289384036882011-12-06T23:25:44.723-07:002011-12-06T23:25:44.723-07:00Yo - I am a psychotherapist - yeah we are human wi...Yo - I am a psychotherapist - yeah we are human with our own vulneabilities- recently having insight to narcissism and/or bullying - what an epiphany! And a massive learning curve. My recent former partner and a current Management Committee member where I am employed - whoa! Supreme sabotagers, who are now ineffective and non-toxic. I am so impressed with the Nnnnuuurgh expression "emotional rape". I know a lot of my ground, but now knowing and understanding how I have been, and am now, with this aspect, is liberating. Manipulated no more.Betthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00112759346143640979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-70005639309393670592010-10-17T07:23:13.207-06:002010-10-17T07:23:13.207-06:00This is a fantastic article. Thank you for sharing...This is a fantastic article. Thank you for sharing it, because I'm stuck in a situation at the moment with my boyfriend's "best friend" who is, in reality, a narcissist who bullies him all the time. He's really soft, afraid to hurt anyone, and she, the narcissist, makes my blood boil when she uses that against him. He has, unfortunately, shared his weaknesses with him and he hasn't spotted how she's been gradually increasing the bullying over time since they became what he thinks is "friends". I can't get it into his head that bullying of ANY kind is absolutely not excusable. He's so afraid that she'll think he's mean that he'll even side with her over me just to avoid her wrath. I will show this to him as soon as I can get him to really listen to me. 0% tolerance is THE KEY. Thanks again.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05617137139817404984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-46019910876037961502009-11-12T10:12:07.480-07:002009-11-12T10:12:07.480-07:00Love your comment, Joel. It is a perfect illustra...Love your comment, Joel. It is a perfect illustration of the points in this blog post. Thanks for contributing to the collective knowledge on this subject.Anna Valerioushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-73538587921044698802009-11-12T08:44:32.501-07:002009-11-12T08:44:32.501-07:002) When I was 17 I'd gone to college for one s...2) When I was 17 I'd gone to college for one semester and then dropped out. The reason for this was that this one semester at school was the first time I'd ever really been able to escape my parents' control. Free at last, I partied like it was 1999 (it was 1984, though). I passed my classes but just barely.<br /><br />So, I went home to the folks again and the usual crapola. All I could think about was "How do I get away from these lunatics again?"<br /><br />One day just before Christmas I walked by an Air Force recruiters office and the answer hit me: Enlist and you'll definitely get away from the parents AND you won't be dependent on them for anything. So I signed up. The only possible catch was that I was 17 and needed parental consent. But I wasn't worried about that since BOTH my parents met in the Air Force.<br /><br />At dinner that night, I hadn't yet told my parents about enlisting. We got into an argument about me dropping out of school. I said "Enough, I'm going out." I called one of my friends and we went out and did a little underage drinking and smoked a bunch of cigarettes and a little weed. I had a good time and got back home about 2AM.<br /><br />Well, I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed and while I was brushing my teeth, my dad bursts into the bathroom in his underwear screaming at me: "What the f*** do you think you're doing?"<br /><br />Something about alcohol releases one from one's inhibitions. Instead of making an excuse, I mumbled through the toothpaste: "I'm brushing my teeth, dumbsh*t. What the f*** does it look like I'm doing?"<br /><br />Then he punched me in the face (inadvertently getting some blood and toothpaste on his fist). But he failed to scan that, at 17, I was now about an inch taller and weighed almost as much as him.<br /><br />What did I do? I laid an uppercut into his solar plexus so hard it lifted him 3 inches off the ground and left him gasping for air.<br /><br />While he gasped, I whipped my enlistment papers out of my back pocket and said: "Before you try to hit me again, sign these."<br /><br />He signed them. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!<br /><br />(Funny note: After dealing with 17 years of Nparents, I found basic training to be REALLY, REALLY easy. It was like being at summer camp. You can actually SATISFY your sergeants.)<br /><br />I didn't know everything then that I know now, obviously, and continued to try to have a relationship with my parents for years.<br /><br />One day, I was visiting my father and offered to show him some martial arts moves I'd learned. I wasn't going to hurt him. Just teach him.<br /><br />What's funny is that when I mentioned it, he flinched and cringed. At the time I was puzzled by this but now I understand why:<br /><br />Bullies are all just cowards deep inside. Period.Juan Echo Motahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17241100627371659618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-34302297552539561752009-11-12T08:41:56.757-07:002009-11-12T08:41:56.757-07:00WOW!!! Thank God for your blog, Anna!!! I just fou...WOW!!! Thank God for your blog, Anna!!! I just found this cyber-place yesterday and it is so good to see your posts and the comments of other readers because I don't feel so freaking alone anymore. <br /><br />I just read through the topics where you describe the abusive tactics of narcissists and it blew my mind. I found myself nodding and saying "Yep...yep...she hit that right on the head...yeah, I definitely know how that feels..." and so on throughout them all. I could have left comments and stories on all of them.<br /><br />I've decided just to comment on the bullies because I want to get to my daily business with a positive frame of mind and having brought a smile (hopefully) to some of y'all's faces.<br /><br />First, a brief introduction. I'm a 42 year old man and both of my parents are N's. They both sucked and continue to suck. The good news, however, is that I wised up to both of them somehow long before I'd ever heard of narcissistic personality disorder 3days ago -- I just thought they were abusive loons.(NC with Dad almost 12 years ago and NC with Mom almost 3 years ago).<br /><br />So, on to the bully stories:<br /><br />1) It is absolutely essential to PUSH BACK. Up until 7th grade, I got bullied at home AND at school. At school there was another boy, bigger and meaner than I, whose last name was alphabetically next to mine and so we got to sit together in every class and both our hall and gym lockers were right next to each other. To make a long story short, this jerk would always look for an opportunity to hit me, usually in the shoulder. He'd make sure the teacher wasn't looking and, if not, would slug me in whichever shoulder happened to be adjacent to him in any particular class. I had bruises on both shoulders for about 6 months.<br /><br />Well, one day we were at our hall lockers getting ready to go to lunch and I saw him doing his little "teacher scan". Apparently, he missed our music teacher observing from down the hall (I was unaware of this 'til later) and proceeded to pound me on my left shoulder.<br /><br />In the past, I'd always suppress my anger (as I'd been taught at home). But this time I did something. As bully-boy tried to slam his locker, I jammed a textbook into it and the locker door bounced back and hit him in the back of the head. It didn't really hurt him but it p*ssed him off so what did he do? He punched me in the face.<br /><br />I'm glad he did this because it was a big turning point in my life. When he hit me in the face all the suppressed rage of years of bullying abuse exploded in me. I literally saw red. The end result was that I started swinging. I busted him twice in the face, twice in the stomach and the the chickenturd turned his back to me and tried covering himself. Then I went to work on his back and kidneys. I don't remember anything else until I noticed that two of my friends were pulling me off of him while I was screaming "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!" repeatedly at the top of my lungs.<br /><br />The coolest part of the story is that my music teacher waited until I had thoroughly pounded the crap out of bully-boy. Then she "broke up" the fight, told the bully to go to the office and told me I could go to lunch. (I did get called to the office on the intercom a few minutes later).<br /><br />The end result. That jerk never touched me again and was genuinely afraid of me for the rest of the year. Sweet.Juan Echo Motahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17241100627371659618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-41082453298458049462009-10-30T08:04:22.303-06:002009-10-30T08:04:22.303-06:00hey anonymous...perhaps...just perhaps your experi...hey anonymous...perhaps...just perhaps your experience of standing your ground will catalyse a change for this bully so they begin to see the errors of their ways and step onto better pathways...lets hope so eh? oneloveUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00920138403896625008noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-60526461722333479332008-12-08T17:04:00.000-07:002008-12-08T17:04:00.000-07:00You go, girl. I actually DID stand up to the bull...You go, girl. I actually DID stand up to the bullying narcissist (a same-sex "friend") a couple of weeks before I read your original post. And you were dead-on correct...she backed right off. After years of her bullying, she finally pulled something so sick, I had her where she couldn't B.S. her way out of it. I called her on it but good. While I was at it, I decided to let her have it for all the other lies and shameless manipulations she had been tossing about over the years. I didn't even realize it while I was doing it (because I was so intent on what I was doing), but she was actually silent. When she did speak, it was the quiet and disconcerted voice of FEAR. SHE actually feared ME. After that, the only question I was asking myself was "Why oh why did I not do this years ago?" She will undoubtedly move on to some other unsuspecting, kind-hearted person, but I won't allow her around me any more. Thank you so much for your website. I love your writing and your no-nonsense style. Keep it up!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-49464878866951856312008-11-27T18:19:00.000-07:002008-11-27T18:19:00.000-07:00I have just gone back to a bully who I left four y...I have just gone back to a bully who I left four years ago. I am probably going to leave again. He is even worse than he was before.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-56017554693732310382008-05-16T04:48:00.000-06:002008-05-16T04:48:00.000-06:00hmmmm,i agree that they only respond to aggression...hmmmm,i agree that they only respond to aggression as they recognize power,but confronting them is tough....am having a v hard time with my mom but we live in a rental and i have nowhere to go and iam applying 4 a job,luckily am getting ,good offers hopefully i will just move on-somasomahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01799947945381293134noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-35964976736594965312007-05-06T18:05:00.000-06:002007-05-06T18:05:00.000-06:00CHEERS from the peanut gallery!CHEERS from the peanut gallery!chickwithbrainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11730572915680951780noreply@blogger.com