tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post3907608106529767679..comments2024-03-16T14:19:24.563-06:00Comments on Narcissists Suck: Dancing with the DevilAnna Valerioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-92063369494012131702016-11-16T02:17:44.171-07:002016-11-16T02:17:44.171-07:00Hi,
I am an adult child of an alcoholic Narcissis...Hi,<br /><br />I am an adult child of an alcoholic Narcissist and co dependent (and depressed) mother. I found myself twice in a relationship with a Narcissist,.... i know, i know... Only to see the abuse when I saw the way my oldest (3) child was treated by her mother. As I did not want my children to grow up in the same situation as I did and for my own health I left (my life in a nutshell)...<br />My relationships were my own choices, I felt comfortable in those relationships as I was the scapegoat and the abuse I knew from growing up continued,.. I had no idea. <br />I have created, as far as I am able to do so, a different healthy household and manipulation free environment. So I have been together with some kind of Evil almost 45 years, does this mean I am Evil? I have been Evil to myself that is true but I do not see myself as Evil. Or am I lost in translation.. (I am Dutch)WDBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12580128535528712521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-2322266493383591812013-09-06T19:11:24.459-06:002013-09-06T19:11:24.459-06:00I have now been reading post after post on this bl...I have now been reading post after post on this blog for a few hours, and always with a smile. Thank you for this blog, it's one of the best that I've had the great pleasure of finding!<br /><br />Reading up on how to cope with N's helps me when I'm frustrated with the one that hurts my son (his father, the bully, and his father's family - a toxic combination of N's and Peacemakers). <br /><br />Anyway, this particular post reminded me of a quote I heard within the past few years that had a serious impact on me and relates:<br /><br />"You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with". -(unknown) <br /><br />~Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12808165543409464471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-55273806745416689822009-01-22T09:46:00.000-07:002009-01-22T09:46:00.000-07:00My therapist believes forgiveness is something tha...<I>My therapist believes forgiveness is something that you extend regardless of the actions of the other party. To me that screams doormat.</I><BR/><BR/>It is absolutely a philosophy that makes people into doormats. You are right. Your therapist is morally idiotic.<BR/><BR/><I>I think my therapist is trying to get me to see that my family has little power over me anymore unless I choose to give it to them</I><BR/><BR/>This line of reasoning is not reality-based. It is COMMON, but that doesn't make it sensible or right. I completely reject the whole line of thought that asserts that by not forgiving a crime in progress that it means I've given my power over to someone else. Quite the opposite is the case! Forgiving the unrepentant is an exercise in futility at best. <BR/><BR/>I assume you've read my posts on forgiveness? The word I use to describe where the peace can come from is <I>acceptance</I>. Acceptance of what IS. Acceptance of reality. Perhaps you can make your stupid therapist read some of my posts on this topic. Frankly, I would be shopping for a new therapist. This person is too stupid morally to be giving you sound advice. Therapists with a well-calibrated moral compass are the exception and not the rule. They don't teach moral principles in psych school. If anything, much of what they do learn goes against moral truth. They go to psych school and come out moral imbeciles. <BR/><BR/><A HREF="http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/search/label/Forgiveness" REL="nofollow">Forgiveness</A><BR/><BR/>Obviously, I believe that evil rubs off. This is not something therapists as a rule are prepared to accept. They can barely ever get themselves to acknowledge that "evil" is a valid concept let alone that hanging out with evil can make YOU evil. Hang onto what you know to be true. Don't let some "professional" talk you out of your conviction. Remember this: when we start talking about 'evil' we are entering the spiritual realm. Psychology has tried to usurp the spiritual from the rules and wisdom of the ages that resides in religion. More specifically, Christianity. It was Freud's intention to do away with religion. Psychology is the new priesthood. Psychology has provided explanations for human evil that excuse evil...and have therefore done away with the concept. This is why most of psychology and its practitioners are unequipped to help people like you who need instruction on spiritual realities. Like how to deal with EVIL. <BR/><BR/>I'm with your hunch...find a new therapist. This one doesn't have enough breadth of experience or of mind to understand what you're up against with your sister and family. Protect yourself and your own family. You already have plenty of evidence these people are a "clear and present danger" to you and yours. Forgiveness isn't the issue here. Self-defense is.Anna Valerioushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-62660187473964767242009-01-21T13:43:00.000-07:002009-01-21T13:43:00.000-07:00Thank you for the thoughts on Scott M Peck's book....Thank you for the thoughts on Scott M Peck's book. This book is at the root of my issue with my sister. 25 years ago I gave my sister this book to read thinking it would help her with my father. She rocked my world because she saw my mother in it when I did not. She was light years ahead of me on that truth. <BR/><BR/>She was 19 years old and had moved into our dining room after dropping to 96 pounds (she is 5 10"). Turns out mom watched her starve herself for 3+ months and did nothing. The only thing she did do was call me when someone outside the family expressed concern.<BR/><BR/>She lived with my then boyfriend now husband and I for several months, regained the weight, got into therapy, started looking for a job and an apartment. We talked and decided to do an "intervention" with my mother. I know, I know, but I thought if we both confronted her a light bulb would go off or something. <BR/><BR/>The intervention went about as well as you can expect. It was the angriest I have ever seen mom and very disturbing. My sister promptly caved, told mom everything was my idea (esp any implication that mom was not perfect) and moved back in. She is over 40 now and still "in thrall" to the point that she was involved in my mothers recent attempt to gain access to my daughter.<BR/><BR/>This leads to my current dilemma, I am concerned that I may need to change therapists after 2 years.<BR/><BR/>My therapist's take on my sister and on the issue of forgiveness feels very wrong to me. She is genuinely disturbed that I don't believe you can forgive someone who hasn't asked to be forgiven. She also does not believe that hanging around with evil rubs off. I do.<BR/><BR/>My therapist believes forgiveness is something that you extend regardless of the actions of the other party. To me that screams doormat. My sister has never acknowledged any wrong doing much less offered an apology. How can I forgive someone who has not made any overture in that direction? <BR/><BR/>I think my therapist is trying to get me to see that my family has little power over me anymore unless I choose to give it to them which I understand but I really do believe that these are people you cannot afford to EVER turn your back on and I am not sure she really gets that. I would appreciate any thoughts or comments <BR/>thankslife's little ironieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11009198665963742964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-46114816979739704542007-10-26T19:35:00.000-06:002007-10-26T19:35:00.000-06:00Awesome post! I thought of this saying attributed ...Awesome post! I thought of this saying attributed to Ben Franklin:<BR/><BR/>"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both."Cassandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02992769620487746413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-67433642914765413632007-10-26T16:12:00.000-06:002007-10-26T16:12:00.000-06:00Magnificent!"It is observable all throughout human...Magnificent!<BR/><BR/>"It is observable all throughout human society: we gravitate toward those who are like us. There is a natural tendency for people to associate based on ethnicity, religion, race, educational level, families, etc. <I><B>Why can we not see that humanity chooses to associate with those who are morally similar?"</B></I><BR/><BR/> A-freakin'-MEN!<BR/><BR/>Thank you for a timely - and much needed - reminder.Stormchildhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05039949137714076734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-22011033485627254352007-10-26T13:55:00.000-06:002007-10-26T13:55:00.000-06:00I am new to the Narcissists Suck blog....but despe...I am new to the Narcissists Suck blog....but desperately grateful for it. My cousin and I have been comparing notes on our mothers (forbidden, of course...) and were lead to this blogsite after some website research. Thankyouthankyouthankyou! And no coincedence that we both dragged out Peck's "People of the Lie" last week! Carry on in the Light and Courage you have! kroseloreeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com