tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post1720581499587126835..comments2024-03-16T14:19:24.563-06:00Comments on Narcissists Suck: Forcing SubmissionAnna Valerioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comBlogger89125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-75675814410995322612015-09-15T14:30:59.207-06:002015-09-15T14:30:59.207-06:00There's a chilling example of this in the movi...There's a chilling example of this in the movie "Wait Unil Dark". Brief synopsis- Audrey Hepburn plays a recently blinded woman who is targeted by 3 con artists who are after a doll filled with heroin. Neither her nor her husband know the doll was filled with heroin, but she soon figures ou that the con is a con. Two of the con artists are greedy but still have a conscience and are only after the doll and have no ill will toward Susie (Hepburn's character). Alan Arkin plays the third con man, and he fits the bill for a sociopath to a T. He spends the last part of the movie psychologically torturing Susie into giving up the doll. <br /><br />Finally, she cracks and says "All right, I'll give you the doll!" <br /><br />Arkin pauses and says "Say 'Please, may I give you the doll." That moment was worse than the famous "jump scare", because he didn't give two figs about the doll, but he was completely interested in her compliance. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13878485201520388212noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-90520004115885595372015-05-12T08:39:22.116-06:002015-05-12T08:39:22.116-06:00I have been reading many of the articles and have ...I have been reading many of the articles and have kind of just been moving around the website. This has been really good for me. Just coming out of another N relationship, Parent's are N's, was married to an N, seems like my whole life was surrounded by toxic N's. This last one though, was perpetrated in such a way that the ex N used my prior hurts and sexual abuse when I was younger to bring me so far into his dark world that without the Lord, I wouldn't have escaped with my life. Got me so far as to transgress my own moral boundaries. This post hit home so much. It wasn't about the sexual immorality for him as much as he got off on the control and what he could make me do. I have established NC and will keep it that way. I have cut off the evil and now I am working with the Lord to gain back the parts of my soul I have lost. I can honestly say that I am getting better everyday. I am glad I found this website. I thank God for the places I can go and learn from other people's wisdom. I know that in time I will tell my story. This is how it works, you help others by living in the light and exposing evil for what it is.....doveangel33https://www.blogger.com/profile/06818732106535095807noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-33333131199348510752014-12-19T00:41:39.012-07:002014-12-19T00:41:39.012-07:00I know this is an old thread, but I am just now re...I know this is an old thread, but I am just now reading it. I am almost 50 and there is so much about all of this that I have pushed back in regards to the total control and dominion/humiliation.<br /><br />Such as, anyone else here, have to take your beating naked.<br />I have had my hair angrily chopped off because of tangles, I was 7.<br />Not allowed to cry after out floggings.<br />Forced to play outside in my underwear only so as not to dirty up any laundry, it did not matter because I was not developed yet. Any protest was futile, mocked and potentially dangerous.<br />People are arrested for leaving their kids in hot cars now, but it was the norm for us. I can still time the, you kids stay in the car, I'll be right back! Yeah right, you bitch, an hour later.Candy Manhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10805168463741031690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-5293678265118741522012-04-10T07:33:31.731-06:002012-04-10T07:33:31.731-06:00Thank you for the virtual hug. I wish you the ver...Thank you for the virtual hug. I wish you the very best as you defend yourself against a MN. Never easy. Always painful.Anna Valerioushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-37400901263258288162012-04-10T07:04:44.729-06:002012-04-10T07:04:44.729-06:00I don't know you, but I want to hug you right ...I don't know you, but I want to hug you right now for writing this.... your words and your shared experience are a TREMENDOUS blessing on this day where I'm feeling especially frustrated and alone. <br /><br />I don't know you, but I want to hug you right now for writing this.... your words and your shared experience are a TREMENDOUS blessing on this day where I'm feeling especially frustrated and alone.<br /><br />THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for reminding me that I/my husband have EVERY right to defend ourselves against a particularly malignant narcissist whom we've been dealing with for YEARS now. <br /><br />It's a lonely battle... but I guess we will have to keep on fighting the good fight, no matter how many "friends" (or whatever else) we might lose in the process.<br /><br />It SO helps to know we are not (despite how it's increasingly starting to feel) in fact, alone.<br /><br />From the bottom of my heart, thank you!tctillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01529666637829382710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-57108767186653750892011-07-26T16:42:52.106-06:002011-07-26T16:42:52.106-06:00Oh my god, this is my EX best friend to a T. I nev...Oh my god, this is my EX best friend to a T. I never knew she was a Narcissist although I had narcissistic parents and read lots about it. I quotes and mentioned you on my blog http://integratingfeelings.blogspot.com/2011/07/getting-off-drama-triangle.html in one of my posts hope that is okAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03104395523269130320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-62017769124730444852010-11-27T10:50:15.869-07:002010-11-27T10:50:15.869-07:00My step father was not a narcissist, but he did th...My step father was not a narcissist, but he did that to me. It killed my spirit. It was as though he was making me agree that I was a bad person. He did it for no reason, daily. I get that. It hurts whether they are a N or not.Jenna Ryan, SelfLoveU https://www.blogger.com/profile/06426210071911294397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-71142775641914097252009-03-19T13:01:00.000-06:002009-03-19T13:01:00.000-06:00It is bad enough to have had both parents Narcissi...It is bad enough to have had both parents Narcissits. My mother was the beater my father was the screamer. Both suffer from all forms of the evil creatures discribed here. As their lives are comming to an end my father is the final victor between the two after 60 years. My mother shut off her brain. Literally shut down with no medical explanation for it. The toughest thing now is to keep them away from our children, especially now that we understand what our childhoods really were. And understand how very sick and evil they both are. But the old man is insisitant with letters, lies, abuses and so on from thousands of miles away he still causes grief to all he comes in contact with. They both have become so sick they truely are creatures! Thank you for this blog and the information in it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-90199478154188562102009-03-02T20:15:00.000-07:002009-03-02T20:15:00.000-07:00GraFXGrl said...I am curious - anyone else w/ N pa...<EM>GraFXGrl said...I am curious - anyone else w/ N parents grow up drowning in stress related health problems?</EM><BR/><BR/>Over here!!<BR/>Fibromyalgia<BR/>Chronic Myofascial Pain<BR/>Gastritis<BR/>Shingles<BR/>Adrenal Fatigue<BR/>PTSD (this one took years to figure out - was called Panic Attacks earlier)<BR/><BR/>This might interest you (it is about relationships but applies to Nparents too!):<BR/>http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/05/your-medical-conditions-is-root-your.htmlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-39151421509286760722009-03-02T20:10:00.000-07:002009-03-02T20:10:00.000-07:00MaureenWhile your post was well-intentioned, attem...Maureen<BR/><BR/>While your post was well-intentioned, attempting to "talk" to an N let alone an N-parent is like spitting in the wind. You owe them nothing for protecting & taking care of yourself.<BR/><BR/>bitterxwife<BR/><BR/>DO NOT LET YOUR MOTHER INTO YOUR HOME AGAIN.<BR/>DO NOT TAKE HER CALLS - let the machine answer and delete all messages without listening to them<BR/>RETURN ALL MAIL & PACKAGES - 'RETURN TO SENDER - DELIVERY REFUSED'<BR/><BR/>Get their toxic slime out of your life and don't look back.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-45274307084875583642009-02-28T21:07:00.000-07:002009-02-28T21:07:00.000-07:00"The pious howling of the narcissist contends that..."The pious howling of the narcissist contends that your cutting them off is itself abusive and is therefore coming from a spirit of malice and revenge on your part."<BR/><BR/>I really needed to read this post. Perfect timing. <BR/><BR/>I'm 42 and currently going through one of the worst episodes with my mother ever.<BR/><BR/>Just the other day, she appeared at my house, unannounced and uninvited. Interrupted me while I was working so she could bitch at me non-stop and tell me AGAIN what a terrible person I am.<BR/><BR/>She even told me I'm a rotten mother.<BR/><BR/>I think this episode is the result of my sibling and I trying to distance ourselves from her over the last few months, in an effort to save our sanity.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for this post. It really helps!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-67172489842682307522009-02-27T20:27:00.000-07:002009-02-27T20:27:00.000-07:00To SK (Sojourner Kate)Uh....Why are you still in '...To SK (Sojourner Kate)<BR/><BR/>Uh....Why are you still in 'contact' with this NM? I know...I know....you said you were NC....but it seems like a whole lot of extra effort is being spent in keeping 'tuned in' to what all is being said and done in the fam. You might not be stepping IN the dogshit anymore....but you are hanging around the 'room' it's in....and you are still smelling it. It ain't NEVER going to smell any better....and it will continue to make you sick.<BR/><BR/>Maybe get FURTHER AWAY......Hell...I don't know. Maybe Anna has some better comments and advice. BTW...I'm not doubting at all that you are being oppressed by some REAL EVIL in your family....esp. NmomAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-65746537007476339142009-02-27T19:48:00.000-07:002009-02-27T19:48:00.000-07:00For SK:First, if you're from a Mormon background, ...For SK:<BR/><BR/>First, if you're from a Mormon background, please read Martha Beck's "Leaving the Saints" - it will enlighten you even more than you already are.<BR/><BR/>Second: I live with Mormons, the town I'm in is mostly Mormon (no, not Utah, Idaho). There is something about that cult that makes people very susceptible to new age stuff and it's usually the Dark Side of new age, not the manifest your own prosperity side. I can't tell you how many Mormons I know who are deep into astrology and such. And I don't mean just reading your daily horoscope, they are serious and live by it down to what they eat and do each day.<BR/><BR/>What you are sensing may be real, it may be something that goes on all the time (your Mom playing her mental games) and you just feel it part of the time. It may just be in your head. Either way, it's affecting you and you have to end it. This is not hard to do, in my experience, although I shouldn't speak for others, but it's mostly just making a conscious effort to block anything negative when you start to feel it. Doing so takes the power away, totally kills it. Voodoo can kill people, but Voodoo works only in the mind of the believer, it can't affect the nonbeliever. This is because it's totally on the mental/spiritual level, there's nothing physical about it until you believe it, then you translate it into your own health issues through your mind. But it's not real unless you give it power, darkness can't exist where there's light.<BR/><BR/>Come up with a scripture, a song, a quote, a poem, something that makes you feel good and start saying this over and over when you feel this force against you, it will go away, there's no room at the inn. Best of luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-18295529292730833142009-02-27T15:50:00.000-07:002009-02-27T15:50:00.000-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14180632221132377901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-85123719782929830242009-02-27T10:38:00.000-07:002009-02-27T10:38:00.000-07:00My NM used all sorts of tactics to control me. Us...My NM used all sorts of tactics to control me. Usually guilt. When everything came to a head, she used the last thing she thought I would never give up... My extended family. When I turned my back on all of them she couldn't believe it. She had been the door, through which I had to pass before I could gain access to Aunts Uncles and Cousins. <BR/>When she couldn't control me through that, she could not believe it. Neither could I.<BR/>It makes me sadder than you can believe not to have a family. <BR/><BR/>I would do it again in a heartbeat.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-2184925133052224842009-02-27T07:26:00.000-07:002009-02-27T07:26:00.000-07:00No time for me to comment on anything else: But.....No time for me to comment on anything else: But...yes...I, too, have myriad health issues. Always have. Some are 'mysterious'...lingering. Others have been diagnosed: Thyroid (by mid-forties)....work-related arthritis of hands and back...(yes...I was a Cinderella growing up....worked like a man...and prolly continued to in a knee-jerk response to 'justifiying my exsistence' in life.) Uh...yes...eating disorders. Alcoholism (now three years sober)....PTSD (mostly manifest by hypervigilence....remarkably better now that I am NC) Those are the hi-lites. Yeccchhhttt. Bleecccchhhht.<BR/><BR/>Little by little...working on each aspect....little by little...managing the various ailments...improving what can be improved upon by taking care of myself, following Dr's. orders....Hey! SELF-CARE! What a novel idea! No...I'll never 'be the same'....but I can't remember a GOOD reference point of health to gauge anything by. I was always tired, mad, and hurting from a toddler on. <BR/><BR/>Anyway...all the above crap aside...I've always been a 'functioning' person...most all of what was hurting etc never 'showed'. Most others would never 'guess' I suffered. The other part of this crap had to to with HIDING it! All of it. No one knew...and mostly I figured no one cared...and if I was hurting or tired or sick I wasn't excused from the responsibilities imposed on me....so I just kept trudging.<BR/><BR/>Now...especially as I get older...I set a limit on what I can and will do....am up front about it...whether it has to do with too much stress..either physical or emotional...so that I can be REAL about my ailments and take care of myself. REAL to myself...and REAL in this demanding world. I DO FEEL BETTER. All I can hope for.<BR/><BR/>TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES, ALL. THERE'S QUITE ENOUGH TO DO IN TAKING CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR LOVING FAMILY, YOUR JOB, AND YOURSELF. NOTE: THE ONES YOU LOVE AND WHO TRULY LOVE YOU. (not the creepy Ns...let someone else butter their goddam toast.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-19049609531639584812009-02-27T07:04:00.000-07:002009-02-27T07:04:00.000-07:00Maureen said "I watched up close and personal the ...Maureen said "I watched up close and personal the pain a parent has when their child leaves the Catholic Church, heck any church". <BR/><BR/>I believe that can be true, if they think their children are now going to be taking the Hell Express. My MN-FOO have both religious zealots and completely unchurched individuals, and my experience is that narcissists will use whatever is available to throw at you to regain power and control. My sociopathic aunt, who fancies herself a better Catholic than the Pope, was told by two of her sons that they are atheists. She could no longer bludgeon them with the catholic dogma club, and instead switched to the Family Loyalty thing. <BR/><BR/>MNs only view leaving the church as a loss of control when they cannot spout scripture or fire-and-brimstone threats of everlasting agony, to force you back into line. Angry, controlling people, which all MNs are, are really only interested in keeping their victims firmly under their thumbs and doing their bidding. Possibly they do believe the kids are going to go to Hell - and boy that would suck, since the MNs cannot continue their abuse and control forever. In my MN-aunt's case, she is deeply distressed that she won't be able to continue to manipulate and abuse her sons for all Eternity in the Afterlife. <BR/><BR/>Anonymous, you are spot-on that your job now is to care for your own kids and hubby. I think having a baby is what really freed me from the notion that it was my 24/7 duty to ensure the comfort, convenience, happiness, and well-being of my MNparents. That helpless little baby girl in my arms had real needs that only I could fulfill. My DH and I teach both our kids that their job is NOT to take care of us, their parents. Their job someday (if they have kids) is to take care of THOSE kids, and so each generation in a functional family repays their parents' sacrifices by doing the same for the next generation. What is great about such a life view is very hard for MN enablers to argue against THAT. My MIL, who is not a narcissist, but is completely blind to the fact that her youngest son (MN-BIL), who is in his mid-50s, is an alcoholic and drug abuser who cannot hold a job, is fully responsible for his present situation. She periodically tries to get DH and DH's other brother to agree to financially support MN-BIL after she is gone. She has been trying to get them to commit to this undertaking for the past 15 years or so and JUST would not let up no matter how many times they said NO. Two months ago, both DH and DH-brother told her "gee mom, we cannot agree to that, we have to pay for raising our own kids, oh yeah then college and such for them so they can go have productive lives and support THEIR families. Well, the kids are her grandchildren, so that stopped her cold. She was not about to tell them her grandkids should suffer for the bum-BIL. It was great. I also find that, compared to some friends who are ACONs but have no children, I am much less forgiving of my MNparents, and won't make excuses for their abuse and neglect. Once you have kids you can see that it is just not that hard to raise kids correctly.Aravishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05543510185027980376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-33527277192959414392009-02-27T05:32:00.000-07:002009-02-27T05:32:00.000-07:00Maureen, I'm extremely "brave" and feel no need to...Maureen, I'm extremely "brave" and feel no need to continue to waste my hard earned energy to tell the N's "what is what." They know ALL to well...."what is what" and use it to their own twisted advantage.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-45372699748093741752009-02-26T14:49:00.000-07:002009-02-26T14:49:00.000-07:00Having seen the behavior of a Nmother when their c...Having seen the behavior of a Nmother when their children leave the Church, it is likely that your NM wants to "help" you. You should simply tell her, "Mom, I know you don't want me to go to Hell for adultery (whatever)...I hear your message. I have chosen not to stay with my X. I am not changing my mind. I choose the path I am on with Newhubby with full knowledge of all repercussions. I am not asking you to agree with my decisions. I know you cannot. I am asking for you to shake the dust off and leave me be. I've been duly warned. If I end up in Hell it will be my own fault, not yours."<BR/>Saying this allows the Nmother to be assured that you heard it all...and she should feel better that she "did her saintly best". <BR/>I watched up close and personal the pain a parent has when their child leaves the Catholic Church, heck any church. My Nmother and Dad lived with me...now just Mom since Dad passed on. They would worry and stress over what their adult kids were doing. My brother made up all sorts of excuses for not being Catholic (since he impregnanted the daughter of a Baptist minister-big no-no & embarrassing for that family)and then married in a non-sacramental manner. Had he been upfront with Dad and said, "Dad, I know what I should be doing, but I don't want to do it. I am choosing to go a different way because it is easier for me right now," instead of smokescreens like, "well, the Church isn't Biblical" then Dad would take out the Bible and show him each and every proof-text for the Catholic beliefs in order to "convince" him. Later, after Dad died and brother returned to the Church he admitted it would have been easier had he just been honest with Dad so Dad wouldn't have wasted time printing off all sorts of stuff to "help" him see the truth he already knew but decided to reject for personal reasons. <BR/>Why do victims of N's feel so reluctant to tell the truth? I never told my Nsister the truth during our relationship. I always told her what she wanted to hear so I didn't get a blow-up. Maybe we all need to be more brave and tell the Ns what is what. Tell them, "I don't believe a word of what you just said." Or "Seeing the abuse I was given at your hands as a child, I have a hard time believing you want to help me now. I see any advice you give me as a land-mine really to go off. I don't trust you enough to take the advice you give."<BR/>~Maureen~Maureenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13447273423414835090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-12722697304959114462009-02-26T14:03:00.000-07:002009-02-26T14:03:00.000-07:00KathleenYes, that is it! You said exactly what the...Kathleen<BR/>Yes, that is it! You said exactly what their reply was! That is what I have been told - that if I suffer for Christ (their version being to suffer like Christ allowing the narcissists in my life to continue to abuse me), that I should "Rejoice! For my reward will be great in Heaven!" which is the sweet by and by (which quotes one of the Beatitudes). First Isaiah 53, then they start firing the Beatitutdes at me. Even though they know "exactly where to hit me", the one thing that keeps me straining to go forward is my own family. This must be a major turning point in my life because I can no longer continue to allow Nmother and other extended relatives & mutual friends to do this to me. It is so toxic that it knocks me down and I can't enjoy my own family like I should. Plus, their needs must come before my other relatives. My husband has severe sleep apnea, my oldest son was recently diagnosed with ADHD and my 4 year old son has been having chronic digestive problems. . My 8 year old needs extra coaching with his homework, my husband, who works a very stressful job, sometimes falls asleep on the couch in the evenings after an extremely hard day of work - but he stops breathing if he doesn't wear the CPAP machine so I need to wake him up when he falls asleep so he can put his oxygen and CPAP. I worry about what would happen if one morning he doesn't wake up. My 4 year old has to follow a strict diet (which he despises). In other words, I need to be there for my immediate family. The last thing that is needed is to be rattled and frustrated continuously by these other people who have obviously been recruited by my Nmother to help her fight her battle as she continues her smear campaign against me. BTW, I was physically abused by her (burned and beat) as a child and she continues to emotionally abuse. I did contront her recently. Since my X-husband and I divorced approx 8 years ago, she has a habit of always bringing him up. We divorced because he had a gambling & drinking problem; BUT he is Catholic and because of that, she considers him a saint and still tells people that she really still considers him her true son in law! And yet, my husband (now) and I have 2 kids and he has a chronic disorder that he could die from. (Oh that makes me mad how she disrespects my family even more so that when she disrespects me!) But when I confronted her about this (told her I don't want to hear her talk about my X ever again!), her reaction was one like you would see on The Borg! Blank, empty stare with no remorse. She then said she didn't realize how much it bothered me (though I nicely tolder her many times before). This is one of the bounderies I set with her (that I spoke of in a privous post). To get back to the point (I hate it when I go off on a tangent like this :o) - I just can't see how God could condemn me for wanting to focus my energy on my own family by spending time with them, helping and caring for them the way a mother is supposed to be. For me to allow these toxic people to rattle me is not constructive for my job as a mother and wife. That must take precedence over the ill will of my Nmother and her narcissistic whims (N Supply needs). These Bible passages being thrown at me are really like those "firey darts" that Paul talks about in Ephesions where we are to "life up over all your shield of faith with which you can escape from the firey darts from the enemy". Maybe I need to remember that I have a shield in the first place! If God gave me this "job" as a mother, my own Nmother seems to be trying to devalue it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-73672804144165305172009-02-26T12:07:00.000-07:002009-02-26T12:07:00.000-07:00"The Catholic Church teaches that salvation O..."The Catholic Church teaches that salvation ONLY comes through Jesus Christ. We can choose to cooperate with His freely given gift of grace or not. We did not earn His grace, but our actions show whether we are cooperating or not with God's Plan for each of us."<BR/><BR/>I, too, believe that many people go searching for the "right" religion, as a result of the abusive upbringings we have had. Only to find that religion isn't ALIVE unless one finds the LIVING GOD they are seeking, and commences upon an actual RELATIONSHIP with God.<BR/><BR/>I have seen this both in my own life, & in the lives of many others.<BR/><BR/>I was raised in a very religious home. Though I didn't recognize much of the dysfunction in our lives until I was older, I am grateful to this day for the strong faith & exposure to our religious doctrine that my parents gave us. We were raised Catholic. You might have guessed that by the fact that there were 13 of us, one born every year! No twins. LOL!<BR/><BR/>I believe I am living out the Catholic faith in a way that Christ meant us too. I don't believe that all of my sibs are. Though THEY certainly must believe they are. To me, weekly Mass is only one part of it. To me, what one does outside that one hour, is what the New Testament is all about. I do not "force submission"<BR/>on anyone. Nor any of the other things Anna has so concisely written about on her blog site. <BR/>Many people I know do. That to me is the difference. There are abusers , Ns, & psychopaths in every group or organization. The healing that we learn here, through Anna's writings, & each others' experiences, helps us to be able to discern between them & healthy people as we go through life. And gives us the courage to extricate ourselves from the bad ones.<BR/><BR/>I am in love with the peace & Grace I receive from the Catholic Sacraments. I adore Christ & the feeling of His Love I receive from Holy Communion. I love and honor His Blessed Mother by praying The Rosary & contemplating the Mysteries of Christ's Life-Joyful, Sorrowful, Glorious.<BR/><BR/>But that's just me, & how I live with & for God. I am so grateful for all of you & Anna, though your beliefs may be a little different from mine, I believe we feel the same way about many fundamental teachings of God, as they relate to the topics of Anna's blog. It's wonderful to have a safe place to strengthen each other from the BS doctrines we've been asked to follow by our abusers, such as the discussion on the Isaiah 53 teachings. Thank you, one & all.<BR/><BR/>Thank you also for all your kind words & suggestions regarding the slander & smear campaign against me, & how its affecting my & my family's lives. Unfortunately, I have not been in the position to write for the past week; only to keep up with the comments, as I've been called out of town on a family emergency with the only sister I still consider a sib. I do intend to move away at some point. Maybe even to the town I'm in presently. Its 12 hrs away from our hometown, & very beautiful! The time just isn't quite right yet. Within 5 years, I'm sure.<BR/><BR/>KatrinaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-72419615461640070802009-02-26T09:09:00.000-07:002009-02-26T09:09:00.000-07:00For me it was a great relief to acknowledge my rev...For me it was a great relief to acknowledge my revengefulness (Growing up with narcissists, I had no right to it at all) and make use of it in a normal/healthy way. YES part of what I did was to defend myself & part of it was the liberating revenge that they SO deserved!!! <BR/><BR/>The way to freedom goes through assimilating all sides of oneself (within reason & in justice).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-15998969423358036572009-02-26T08:20:00.000-07:002009-02-26T08:20:00.000-07:00For former Catholic Anonymous,I, too, was raised i...For former Catholic Anonymous,<BR/><BR/>I, too, was raised in a Catholic household. Two of my siblings left the Church. At the time, their reasons were, "To have a relationship with God." Ironically enough, they church hopped and ended up not having a relationship with Jesus anywhere. They stopped praying altogether.<BR/>What happened in our family was that our parents were not living the Catholic Faith as they should. Children associate their idea of God, the Father, with their dads. If the Dad is harsh, abusive...whatever, then the child will have a sense that God may be punishing & unloving, rejecting them for not being perfect. If a mom is angry, depressed, narcissist and screaming a lot of time-like mine was-one may be extremely put off by the religion that parent claims to follow,never feeling "good enough", blaming the religion when it is really a failure of the parent to follow the teachings of that faith.<BR/>The Catholic Church teaches that salvation ONLY comes through Jesus Christ. We can choose to cooperate with His freely given gift of grace or not. We did not earn His grace, but our actions show whether we are cooperating or not with God's Plan for each of us. The Catechism of the Catholic Church is online for all to see what the Church teaches and why. I am happy to say that both of my siblings came back to the Church after their sojourn and learned what the Church really taught, not the bad example they were given. <BR/>~MaureenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-60773785753939407702009-02-25T20:25:00.000-07:002009-02-25T20:25:00.000-07:00Anonymous, That is so horrible that they would thr...Anonymous,<BR/> That is so horrible that they would throw Isaiah 53 at you!! Somewhere Jesus admonishes the Pharisees for placing burdens on people that they, the Pharisees,wouldn't bear.<BR/><BR/>They want you to get on the cross for your N? And what, get your reward later in the great by and by???<BR/><BR/>Tell THEM to get on the cross for others. You don't have to --- someone already did it for you and His yoke is light.<BR/><BR/>What nerve of these people.<BR/><BR/>- KathleenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-85140260160561951852009-02-25T17:59:00.000-07:002009-02-25T17:59:00.000-07:00AnnaThank you for your reply and what you said mak...Anna<BR/>Thank you for your reply and what you said makes alot of sense. I was raised in an old fashioned Catholic way where I had to "work out my own salvation through works" and then hope I still was worthy enough to go to heaven (that IS the definition of legalism). I was taught that sins were classified into Mortal (real bad sins) and Venial (sins that are not too bad). After much soul searching I left the Catholic Church and now go to a non-denominational church. In fact, if it wasn't for my doing this, I still may be under the "spell" of my narcissist mother. As stated in another blog, I really needed to assess myself and find out what I really, truly believed. It is strange that I have always had this drive in my inner thought life; to persue the truth long before I put two and two together regarding the narcissism of my mother. Yet, because of the life-long condemnation that she put onto me as a child and young adult (I never learned about the love of God as a child; only the impending torture if I didn't comply), I still find myself occassionally questioning my own self when these moral puzzles are thrown at me by family members just trying to "keep things as they are so the boat isn't rocked." It makes sense that Isaiah 53 is telling us that Christ has been through abuse just as we have (therefore, he understands us) and that we are to glorify him with humility for the price he paid for our transgressions as well as our trials. In light of this true meaning of Isaiah, to hear someone say that I should "follow in His footsteps by allowing this narcissist to keep abusing me" is really a dimented way to look at it! Maybe these family members know that she would start bugging the heck out of them if I were suddenly out of the picture. If that is true, they are as selfish as my Nmother herself. In other words, why would Jesus go through all of that suffering as a randsom for our (mankind) sins, only for us have to go through it again? What would have been the point for His purpose in the first place?? That would be contradictory. I think I am starting to get it! Thank you again for your reply and for shedding the light on this malignancy that we struggle with.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com