tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post1361374635470986682..comments2024-03-16T14:19:24.563-06:00Comments on Narcissists Suck: Malignant Narcissism: A Brief OverviewAnna Valerioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comBlogger165125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-89638191984238661082014-03-20T09:41:11.304-06:002014-03-20T09:41:11.304-06:00I have just read "The Psychopath Inside"...I have just read "The Psychopath Inside" by James Fallon and found it illuminating. This is a man who had a successful career as a neuroscientist and then discovered one day that his brain scans matched those of murderous psychopaths. He then did "research" of sorts and reported on what he found. The last couple of chapters shed a great deal of light--particularly his assertion that he takes real solid pleasure from getting revenge on people in secret years after the "offense" for which he is retaliating. If you want a window into the alien world of these people, Fallon's book is one. This is a rare report from inside the brain of high-functioning psychopath, and it's convincing to me.Orwell46https://www.blogger.com/profile/00818298442850341569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-71401024481625579772014-03-13T09:26:56.256-06:002014-03-13T09:26:56.256-06:00Wow wow wow this just described my mother to a per...Wow wow wow this just described my mother to a perfect T. I have been trying to put into words what she is and now I can easily. <br />Thank you it has helped me also to see why my daughter behaves the way she does. She had assumed the same traits as her grandmother. Not all but many. I have struggled for years under her painful scrutiny, betrayal, put downs, the constant demeaning attitude, treatingnme like I didn't deserve anything, denying my need for attention and making sure I didn't get it espically when she could. Example:I was in intensive care for 9 days not one time did she come now my brother was in ICU for 4 days she was there everyday day. Why: his doctors were her focus and she could get all the attention for him being ill. Like she was so tired and worried and stressed out so the doctors would pay attention to her. For me none of my doctors wanted to discuss her"illnesses" as I was their focus not her therefore she said that it cost to much to park and it was ti far too walk again obtaining attention any way she can. <br />Thank you for helping me understand her behavior. It has really opened my eyes. Eyes Openedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13741343652273454065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-65318782021333447462013-06-15T21:21:48.935-06:002013-06-15T21:21:48.935-06:00You are so correct. My malignant N father is highl...You are so correct. My malignant N father is highly intelligent and all that has ever worked in 25 years is total no contact. There are no boundaries. The give them sn inch they will take a mile is accurate. These toxic people are all or none. Either you allow yourself to be 100% totally controlled if you are their unfortunate target, or you have to go no contact. They have no ability to compromise on anything. Their way or the highway. And they usually pretend to be very religious. It's all a lie. In private they remove the mask and say things like scream at their child over and over "you are expendable". They say I gave you life and if god tells me to I'll take it away, I'll have you killed, threats and more threats. But then an evil joy in reminding you, "if you tell anyone what I said they will never believe you". And guess what they are right. Cause they surround themselves with pawns and enablers and the golden child to do their worship. They all will try to make you think you are nuts, or you are just exaggerating, or you are just oversensitive, or he never did that, or he never said that, or he didn't mean that, or you must have misunderstood... Sound familiar? Damage. That's what these families do. Get put, get away, go full no contact, never believe they will get better. They only get worse! I hope my daughter figures out that she should not let these crazy people back in to her life either. My doctor told me I should continue not to see my father or his enablers. That no one should put themselves around anyone who will not show them honor. We victims/targets have to stop feeling bad that we haven't forgives these evil twisted creatures. They are like a snake looking for prey. Slithering, plotting, calculating, even if it takes months or years. It is one big chess game to these creatures. And they are the king and all others are but pawns. To be used or removed or pushed aside. Anonymousanonymous586https://www.blogger.com/profile/07165991629666812596noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-47141220897422418292013-01-29T15:23:05.555-07:002013-01-29T15:23:05.555-07:00Anna, great work here. I have my own experience w...Anna, great work here. I have my own experience with narcissists and a friend who is trying to extricate from the grasp of one now, and you've verbalized it well. One thing I would add to the list of similarities with vampires is that they will not enter your home until invited. This would represent that they will patiently earn your admiration so as to be invited into your life. Then the destruction slowly begins.Cavemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00178991671233611958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-20350137102206993982013-01-06T16:49:43.295-07:002013-01-06T16:49:43.295-07:00I think this is very good commentary on Narcissism...I think this is very good commentary on Narcissism. I would add that not all Narcissists are losers. In fact, many are very accomplished professionals. I am pretty sure that I just got out of a very dangerous relationship with a Narcissistic cop. He was really pathologically involved. We only dated for a month but in the end he actually used the suicide threat card as a way to push me away. I believe this had more to do with him knowing that, as a therapist, I was on to him and he figured if he used that card I would leave him alone. I noted regardless of his threat to take his life he was back on an online dating site within a week. He was very preditorial, chasing me relentlessly, claiming love, marriage, babies etc and then when I started making small demands such as why don't you drive to my place ( 20min) instead of me coming to your place all the time, he started to pull away. The relationship was entirely on his terms. He also admitted to past violence which was tricky because as a cop its easy to justify this kind of behavior and yet if he was not a cop his behavior would be easy to identify as toxic.Crystal Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05486804533464700109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-91385215929148082652012-12-30T09:05:47.001-07:002012-12-30T09:05:47.001-07:00Ive been reading these excellent posts, and am jus...Ive been reading these excellent posts, and am just recently coming to grips with the realization of who and what I have been married to for 26years. I would like to post more when I believe the situation is" safe" for me to do so, but in the interim, I am happy I have stumbled upon this blog. Thanks for the good, true, and right explanations of what I have been living with. I am not art home anymore, afraid to ever return, but hope to draw strength from this site. ..Lelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13749815078162947577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-53938216357978451942012-10-04T08:40:25.494-06:002012-10-04T08:40:25.494-06:00Anna,
Thank you for some much needed insight...<br /> Anna, <br /> Thank you for some much needed insight. I believe I am dealing with a narcissistic daughter. <br /> After reading much of this blog I have identified with many of your readers. I Have recently tried to reconnect with my daughter, just to be rejected again. Losing sleep trying to figure out what I can do to get her to forgive me......But forgive me of what?<br /><br />After 15 years of "walking on egg shells" and listening to her lies and not saying anything for fear of her exploding into an unfathomable rage. This not only by me but my family. I called her out publicly on all her lies and deceits.............After a year and a half of her silence because she "publicly "said she wanted nothing to do with me ever again, "because I hurt her deeply with with my words and humiliated her" I decided to give it one more shot. <br /><br />I now realize the blood sucker was just waiting to strike................<br /><br />I have had much peace in the last 18 months without having to listen to her delusional interpretation of her life and the failure I was as a mother. Just writing this brings freedom to myself from the chains of pain she has wrapped my heart and mind in. I was so focused on the hurt of my heart I had forgotten the poison she had caused my mind. This BLOG is helping me see clearer, to understand what I am up against. <br /><br />Again, thank youAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03026490558251498969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-55102690193374860582012-08-23T04:56:19.818-06:002012-08-23T04:56:19.818-06:00Thanks!
I'm being emotionally abused by a few...Thanks!<br /><br />I'm being emotionally abused by a few very sick people. Psychologists have various names for them- psychopaths, narcissists, sociopaths etc. They are a bunch of freaks wreaking havoc in my life.<br /><br />Even though, physically I'm at a distance from them, they have been stalking me in real life by planting spying devices in my home where I currently live with my family. Additionally, they continually cyber-stalk and cyber-harass me. THEY TOLD ME THAT THEY ARE KEEPING A TAB ON MY EACH AND EVERY MOVE. My family and I are all suffering. My father even lost his job because of their dirty tricks and far reaching influence.<br /><br />They are powerful/ influential people and have influenced my friends and acquaintances as well. I have no support and people don't even understand my problem. They tell me to move on.<br /><br />I'M DYING TO MOVE ON BUT CAN'T BECAUSE I'M BEING SPIED ON AND HARASSED CONTINUOUSLY, EVEN IN MY HOME. THEY SEND ME E-MAIL ABOUT CONVERSATIONS THAT TAKE PLACE IN MY HOME! Can someone not see that even my most basic rights are being violated upon? They interfere in anything I do in my life or even if I leave comments on websites or the internet. They want to control everything.<br /><br />Clearly, they are very sick people and I'm the one whose suffering.<br />Because they're powerful and influential and keep exerting control in my normal day to day life, I'm unable to do anything but silently suffer.<br />I'm looking for help wherever I can get it but everyone I know or approach is under their influence and so I have not received any GENUINE help from anyone or anywhere.ssbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12665611194918055296noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-63845905773001538182012-08-22T08:23:00.688-06:002012-08-22T08:23:00.688-06:00Great post, provides the much needed strength to a...Great post, provides the much needed strength to a victim of constant N abuse.<br />My Ns are worthless pricks and follow me around everywhere. They cyber-stalk, cyber- harass and stalk me in real life as well.<br />I liked this other blog as well and was sharing my personal story and thoughts like other victims/survivors but those evil creeps crawled out of their holes and infested that blog.<br /><br />Whatever I do, be it online or offline, they rear their ugly heads and poke their monstrous noses in EVERYTHING! Feel sorry for them really, with all their power they could very well be stalking someone more stalk worthy.<br /><br />In the mean time, I'm just waiting for justice to give them what they deserve.<br />Some people need to get a life! like seriously!!reclaimwatsyourshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04741755158222194508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-16806330427530641902012-03-09T22:55:13.694-07:002012-03-09T22:55:13.694-07:00Anna, I think I love you.
Seriously though, your ...Anna, I think I love you. <br />Seriously though, your blog really does connect with me. Thank you for speaking my mind it feels good to know that somebody really understands.<br /><br />I am by no means a saint myself and have done tremendous inner work to reclaim my soul.<br /><br />As a child I ordered hypno-coins that were advertized in comic books, to try to hypnotize my parents, and make them stop hitting and humiliating me.<br /><br />Now many years later I am a certified hypnotist. <br /><br />After studying yoga and the Tibetan Book of the Dead I learned that when people look back over their lives from their deathbed, they wish that they had "loved more". This animated me to make amends with my mom before she died and to make amends with everybody.<br /><br />There is a documentary about the "Weeping Camel". It is about how animals will abandon a newborn if the birth was traumatic and painful. In human history, difficult birth babies would be considered evil spirits, they would be abandoned or killed, because they would grow up into angry adults. This is when I realized that I was a difficult birth and put immediately into surgery for a collapsed lung. My mother's anger was sort of beyond her control. Kind of like PTSD. There are hundreds of websites detailing how women's emotions are affected by a difficult birth and lack of bonding with the infant. They do not understand it and it is beyond their control.<br /><br />After learning this I felt great compassion for my mom, she suffered greatly and tried her best for me. I am glad that we made amends before her death, which has devastated me.<br /><br />Meditation is a remarkable tool for understanding and healing.<br /><br />I stumbled across your blog after getting fed up with my narcissistic brother posting on Facebook and I deleted my account there. I decided to break the ties that have already been broken, only I refused to accept this, because of familial sentimentality.<br /><br />My was real mean, but now in later life, he is actually helping me out, and we have made amends. This was possible in part because my studies in hypnosis have provided deep insights into the hidden connection between memory and behavior. Explaining this to my Dad, he understood and was actually grateful, for the knowledge.<br /><br />Meditation and introspection can be liberating and healing.<br /><br />Now I finally understand about Intra-species Predators. The mystery that has confounded me is revealed. Some "people" are just rotten to the core and there is no cure. They are cunning and deceptive. It is important to recognize this and behave accordingly.<br /><br />Understanding the mechanism of psychic pain makes me feel compassion for many people that I would have just hated. <br /><br />When trying to figure out if someone is an intra-species predator, I try to detect if they feel empathy or are superficial. If so I avoid them very politely.<br /><br />Thanks again for the great blog.cadgbdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03995134712382052365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-48126197959527839992011-10-02T14:26:14.752-06:002011-10-02T14:26:14.752-06:00What a great blog! I LOVE IT! Thank you so much!What a great blog! I LOVE IT! Thank you so much!Azaan Kamauhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11192031895270470379noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-65052634785261204142011-08-30T07:22:26.346-06:002011-08-30T07:22:26.346-06:00Dan,
There is a good chance that that woman is a ...Dan,<br /><br />There is a good chance that that woman is a borderline personality disorder person. These people believe every changing thought they have is true--they are the kind who can have the thought "I wonder if he's human" and then believe it and say it with full force, and forget they said it 30 minutes later. They are the classic marital or romantic nightmare. Flee, of course.Orwell46https://www.blogger.com/profile/00818298442850341569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-56571848631286474392011-08-29T22:41:32.698-06:002011-08-29T22:41:32.698-06:00Excellent blog Anna, thank you.
I have been on the...Excellent blog Anna, thank you.<br />I have been on the cusp of being involved with a very dangerous woman who I suspected was mentally ill in some way, but allowed myself to be sucked in by because of her beauty, charm and erudition. More and more however, I discovered that all my contact with her would leave me feeling undermined, hurt or even down-right abused. I'd challenge her on what she said and she'd act like nothing was wrong, even eliciting surprise that I should be offended by her telling me things like "I don't really see you as a man, or even human really".<br />She has a hatred for psychology and psychotherapists that I knew about early on and should have made me suspicious, but I foolishly allowed myself only to see her charms in spite of the fact that in my peripheral vision I could see red flags popping up everywhere. Your description of malignant narcissism fits her to a tee and I feel like a man saved from drowning as a result of finding it. So again, thank you.<br />One thing I would ask though is how you deal with them when there is no ready way to get them out of your life?Danhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13029489936936529783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-17378478012147049642011-08-22T11:22:26.701-06:002011-08-22T11:22:26.701-06:00Hi Anna.
Thank you for this wonderful blog. I am ...Hi Anna.<br />Thank you for this wonderful blog. I am dealing with an EX who I believe is a malignant narcissist (the reason why I left this abusive man nearly 2 years ago with my small child in tow). Due to the wonders of our legal system, I have been forced to allow more time than I believe is healthy with my 5-year-old son with his father. Of course this is since his father is so good at the shape-shifting that everyone sees him as the loving father. I am scared that my son will somehow end up like his father. I have already seen some behavior that mimics his father's. Aside from counselor for my son (which, incidentally, I cannot get since his father has to agree to this and of course will not agree) is there anything you can suggest that I watch for in behavior in my son and anything I can do to try to prevent my son from becoming like his father? Any help you can provide is greatly appreciated. Thank you and Bless You.Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13795517538664802447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-78652914342742632382011-08-21T10:04:00.183-06:002011-08-21T10:04:00.183-06:00Thank you for sharing your strength, Anna. Sadly,...Thank you for sharing your strength, Anna. Sadly, I have been in a business partnership and friendship with a narcissist. I am planning my escape with hopefully the least amount of damage for my clients and self. I think I have hung onto for the last year because she had a daughter whom I have "mothered" for the past five years. I have been so worried about this little girl and how she has been treated like an accessory to help "Jane" appear as a mother and thus entitled to the experiences of a mother. There is nothing I can do now, but pray for this little girl that she survives the hell of having a narcissist for a mother.Cerulean Fine Art Galleryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00987776423486748716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-90580256319084622582011-08-20T14:22:11.161-06:002011-08-20T14:22:11.161-06:00Excellent blog. I thought I understood narcissism ...Excellent blog. I thought I understood narcissism but until I read an Anne Rule book, Dead by Sunset, the true case of a malignant narcissist who destroyed each of his four wives and actually murdered the last one, I hadn't heard the term malignant narcissist. After my divorce 11 years ago I suppose I was rather needy. The man that came along at just the right moment was a malignant narcissist. It took me years and lots of dollars before I got away from him but the scars remain. So far I've only read your overview, but I can't disagree with anything you said. It all fits. I never believed evil existed until this man entered my life. Thanks, again, for your blog.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153301178884105773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-22003535717216662672011-06-27T09:12:17.642-06:002011-06-27T09:12:17.642-06:00I have just read Baron-Cohen's book "the ...I have just read Baron-Cohen's book "the Science of Evil." He asserts that there is a range of empathic behaviors, with zero empathy a real possibility in psychopaths, borderlines and narcissists. He talks a lot about 10 parts of the brain which he says are linked in the "empathy circuit"--a term that seems a bit ad hoc, though he could well be right. Interesting book, though a bit sentimental near the end when he talks about Israel and the Palestinians. <br /><br />The morning after I finished his book I realized he'd said nothing about the possibility that someone can choose to be zero-empathy. He pooh-poohs the religious term "evil" and wants to replace it with empathy scores....but as I said he neglects to mention or discuss the insights of religion that say people can choose to become evil. This is a weakness of his argument. The question of whether a person can chose to go zero-empathy, and to starve his empathy circuits, still needs to be addressed.Orwell46https://www.blogger.com/profile/00818298442850341569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-5422365710890005922011-06-09T10:23:00.152-06:002011-06-09T10:23:00.152-06:00So, Anna, am I wrong in thinking that sometimes pe...<i>So, Anna, am I wrong in thinking that sometimes people adopt the six-year-old demonic personality later in life?</i><br /><br />No, I don't think you're wrong to think that possible. But what I think more likely is that your ex-wife was already a malignant narcissist prior to what you call her collapse into alcoholism. Very often addictive personalities are also very narcissistic if not full-blown MNs. Circumstances shape the expression of a person's narcissism. A narcissist can cloak their narcissism to varying degrees depending on the rewards they perceive in doing so. Once they feel safe, though, the fangs will come out. The sense that they have nothing to lose frees the narcissist to a fuller expression of their evilness onto those close to them.Anna Valerioushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-25983071907352146282011-06-09T10:02:26.773-06:002011-06-09T10:02:26.773-06:00I have one additional question for Anna.
Do you t...I have one additional question for Anna.<br /><br />Do you think people ever become MNs in midlife, after perhaps, brain damage or neurological problems or alcoholism? <br /><br />In my life, I have had two NMs. The first as I mentioned above was a step-mother I who got her teeth into me when I was nine. The second was an ex-wife who had a personality collapse of sorts due to alcoholism, and a permanent medical problem, at the age of 32. The step-mother NM and the ex-wife NM became buddies of sorts. A key commonality was their enjoyment of inflicting pain on me.<br /><br />So, Anna, am I wrong in thinking that sometimes people adopt the six-year-old demonic personality later in life?Orwell46https://www.blogger.com/profile/00818298442850341569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-90798165931985089142011-06-09T09:46:37.031-06:002011-06-09T09:46:37.031-06:00This is a strongly useful blog site.
I had the a...This is a strongly useful blog site. <br /><br />I had the amazing and hellish experience of being thrust from the care of a beautiful, coherent and tender mother into the care of a MN at the age of 9. It's like going from heaven into the depths of hell at age 9. My real mother died, and my father was trapped into marrying a second wife who was and is a snake with great ability to hide her scales. <br /><br />My childhood was a sickening visit to hell, and it's still with me, and I struggle with it every day. The good parents are all dead; the MN is still drawing breath at the age of 94. <br /><br />This blog has helped me and I'm grateful to you.Orwell46https://www.blogger.com/profile/00818298442850341569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-81479047544951005392011-04-16T08:35:10.002-06:002011-04-16T08:35:10.002-06:00I believe our current President is a malignant nar...I believe our current President is a malignant narcissist, as described by your vampire analogy, and have said so since the 2008 Democratic primaries on my own political blog, http://www.gjchitchat.blogspot.com. <br /><br />The current post is a re-post of an earlier posting of a "Post-Obama Apocalypse" I wrote during his first year in office. It shows how far narcissism can be taken at its worst and most malignant. And it is a warning that in the hands of a malignant narcissist, our nation and our freedom are at stake. This is not based on partisanism. I am a registered democrat and an African-American woman. <br /><br />My apologies to all of those who've been taken in by this charismatic politician, but the signs of narcissistic personality disorder are there and in the hands of the leader of the most powerful nation in the world, malignancy is inevitable.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08840369175957748047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-13760978733320619932011-04-06T12:28:19.063-06:002011-04-06T12:28:19.063-06:00Thank you. You just described my experience with ...Thank you. You just described my experience with one of these jerks. They can kill your soul if you let them.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01836093390744769730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-51684776724327825242011-04-02T23:27:35.224-06:002011-04-02T23:27:35.224-06:00Anna -- This is a wonderful article. Thank you fr...Anna -- This is a wonderful article. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting it. I have lived a great deal of my life in the shadow of malignant narcissists, but up until one of them literally harrassed my best friend to death, 16 years ago, I didn't have an understanding of what they were and what they are called by psychologists, psychiatrists, and FBI profilers. When the landlord that did that to my friend started laughing and boasting about it to his cronies and I found out about it, I did some research and learned about psychopaths and sociopaths. But I didn't run across the term "malignant narcissist" and the description of it until much later -- a description that fits to a T my adoptive parents, two sets of foster parents, one truly evil boyfriend, a woman who latched onto me to "help" me and succeeded in ruining my life as she ruined many others, and several others. Now, at least, I can recognize the damned things for what they are and avoid them, which is several orders of magnitude better than my situation before 1995. You have been a real help, Anna. God bless and keep you always. -- Yael DUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09512429687422210028noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-86936614865990509752011-03-23T21:33:20.844-06:002011-03-23T21:33:20.844-06:00Seriously, this post is the best piece I've fo...Seriously, this post is the best piece I've found on the subject, including the books my counselor recommended to me.<br /><br />Thank you. Am emailing this to several members of my family (not the Narcissist, lol!)asusannah eaneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15692505605582396364noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-32972473038306381042011-02-21T18:24:37.093-07:002011-02-21T18:24:37.093-07:00Thanks Evelyn. I really appreciate your advice. ...Thanks Evelyn. I really appreciate your advice. I will try what you suggested. Boy, there doesn't seem to be much to do with these people though, does there? I'm trying my best to ignore her and remain calm, but it's hard. She did such a number on me earlier when I was giving her her medicine, I had a hard time breathing afterwards. Thanks again!Anonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15493115433845359471noreply@blogger.com