tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post115539701051296794..comments2024-03-16T14:19:24.563-06:00Comments on Narcissists Suck: You are the same as the chair you're sitting on to the NarcissistAnna Valerioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-18763758281617322672008-08-22T14:31:00.000-06:002008-08-22T14:31:00.000-06:00Thanks for all your words of encouragement and wis...Thanks for all your words of encouragement and wisdom, Anna. I can't agree with you more. Thanks so much!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-36583166377607511542008-08-22T09:54:00.000-06:002008-08-22T09:54:00.000-06:00Jenny,You are doing great. You have gradually com...Jenny,<BR/><BR/>You are doing great. You have gradually come to perceive the twisted nature of the relationship with a N. You are well on your way to not being a tool. We who have been in close relationships with narcissists have all been used. We've all ended up being a roll of toilet paper to them. Don't be too hard on yourself for that. You didn't know what you were dealing with. You assumed the narcissist was a normal person with normal motivations and feelings. You lacked the perspective that would have allowed you to see what you were up against. <BR/><BR/>Time and experience are good teachers if we're willing to learn. It sounds like you have been willing to learn. The past bad experiences we've had can be turned to good IF we will use them as our teachers. If those bad experiences can teach us their valuable lessons they can open the door to a bright and happy future. I wouldn't trade any of my bad experiences of the past if that meant I couldn't have the life I have now. It was all worth it to get where I am today. That's sayin' somethin'. <BR/><BR/>So, rather than castigate yourself with how you've been a tool concentrate your efforts at looking for the lessons. Pat yourself on the back for being less naive now than you were. Admire in yourself the signs of maturity and knowledge that you now have as opposed to the past. Take the lessons from the bad experiences and move with optimism into the future because you are a good student and won't be repeating too many of your past mistakes. <BR/><BR/>True ignorance is not a moral failing. It is simply not knowing. No need to spank yourself for that. That someone exploited your naivete and good will toward them is their moral failing not yours. To KNOW and then to ignore what you know to do something stupid or wrong...<I>that</I> would be a moral failing, but even that is fixable. <BR/><BR/>Knowledge is only power if you're willing to use it. Use your hard-earned knowledge to create a good life.Anna Valerioushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-62010860611774026892008-08-22T08:26:00.000-06:002008-08-22T08:26:00.000-06:00A tool. That's exactly what I have felt like in t...A tool. That's exactly what I have felt like in the past. A few months back I wrote some dreams or goals. Now most people would have goals like, "I want to exercise more" or "I will stop eating a bag of chips every night." One of the goals I wrote down is, "I'm going to stop being a tool." In the past I couldn't tell I was being manipulated or used, but afterward and sometimes during the manipulation or using, I'd get that feeling inside myself that something was REALLY WRONG. But then I'd hear the LIE inside myself that would say, "You are what's wrong. Try harder. Be nicer. Do more. You are not good enough and you need to do more for this person."<BR/><BR/>"Is it any wonder why you have spent so much time feeling devalued?" Exactly. That's exactly how I consistently felt. I've walked away from meetings with N's and telephone conversation with N's and felt used. Like my only purpose in their life was to listen to them talk about their life. Listen to them talk about the new things they got or the good in their life. My soul purpose was to lift them up on their pedestal and to pat them on their backs. And if Italked about something good in my life, well, I'd be shut down or ignored. Almost like I didn't say anything at all. I finally realized THAT'S NOT A NORMAL, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!<BR/><BR/>And that's exactly it, Anna. We stay in these relationships because we remember the BEGINNING of the relationship. The honeymoon. When things were good (or so we thought) and we keep working and keep trying to get those good times back. But they never come and all we are left with is an empty, used up feeling. The feeling a tool would have if a tool had feelings. I don't want to be someone's toilet paper.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-1155400472337759002006-08-12T10:34:00.000-06:002006-08-12T10:34:00.000-06:00Either way, you still end up with a headache.Either way, you still end up with a headache.Anna Valerioushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-1155398243697677922006-08-12T09:57:00.000-06:002006-08-12T09:57:00.000-06:00"You are that hammer to the narcissist." You also ..."You are that hammer to the narcissist." You also might be the nail.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com