tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post34249647447449843..comments2024-03-16T14:19:24.563-06:00Comments on Narcissists Suck: Irresponsible Journalism or Psychologists...or Both.Anna Valerioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-3221464010729733242009-01-19T09:52:00.000-07:002009-01-19T09:52:00.000-07:00They SHOULD have to wear cowbells...great visual.C...They SHOULD have to wear cowbells...great visual.<BR/><BR/>Confidential to Anony with the Ndad with great hair, who has some laptops, tvs,...hell on earth.<BR/><BR/>Give a safe address for him to take all that stuff for you. Mail him a cowbell, with a note that says thanks. Then go back to no contact.<BR/><BR/>Just kidding, I couldn't resist. But I think that all of us on here would love to see him open up his cowbell.<BR/><BR/>God bless and good luck to everyone who left the trash out of your life.<BR/><BR/>ColleenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-44587374196032831742008-12-20T07:23:00.000-07:002008-12-20T07:23:00.000-07:00Anonymous,You are only hurting yourself if you don...Anonymous,<BR/>You are only hurting yourself if you don't stop what you are doing (being proactive) and start accepting a laptop,tv set, books, etc.<BR/>Huh. Decisions, decisions.<BR/>Sell my soul for a TV and a laptop or go buy them at Best Buy.<BR/>Tough choice.<BR/><BR/>House in the mountains? Alfa Romeo?<BR/>But I guess an apology would be too expensive for this guy.<BR/><BR/>Hugs to you.<BR/><BR/>- KathleenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-75496278434243186162008-12-19T11:45:00.000-07:002008-12-19T11:45:00.000-07:00For clarification I'll attach an email from my N f...For clarification I'll attach an email from my N father with the great hair that shows that while attention to personal appearance may be part of narcissism, the true measure is the hyperviolence they heap on their victims. To set this up, the crime I've committed is going NC for almost a year now, changing my phone # and not responding to his emails. I'm in my early thirties so I don't think I'd need to check in with a parent even if they were not an abuser. As far as my mother, she became mentally ill, most likely from his abuse. As any ACON knows the gifts are just an attempt at playing God and if you don't play along with their powerful delusions and fantasies you become the enemy. Read it and weep.<BR/><BR/>(my name),<BR/>stop this paranoic nonsense. I am fed up with this. You do exactly what you mather was doing, and you only will hurt yourself, just like she did!<BR/>I am mowing into a better appartment in *****, and I have many things for you, laptop, tv set, books, cloths, etc. Let me know where i can leave it?<BR/>I also bough another beautifull car in *****, Alfa Romero, and next<BR/>year I will build a house in the mountains.<BR/>(his name)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-89370389331108937962008-12-18T15:03:00.000-07:002008-12-18T15:03:00.000-07:00Anonymouys @ Dec 18, 2008 10:52:00 AM> Of cours...Anonymouys @ Dec 18, 2008 10:52:00 AM<BR/><BR/>> Of course "Generation Smug" is a generalization <<BR/><BR/>But it fits like a glove. Aloof, cold narcissistic behaviour has become the cultural norm in western youth culture, but frankly, I think most will grow out of it' it's an act and not (very?) malicious.<BR/><BR/>> [Kanye] West took a song from the techno band Daft Punk, blathered <<BR/><BR/>LA! LA! WHAT! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! WHAT!? THE RAPPER WHO COMPARES HIMSELF TO PRINCESS DIANA!? WHO CARES!? TELEVISON...RULES THE NATION...LA! LA! LA!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-91703879314700650282008-12-18T14:42:00.000-07:002008-12-18T14:42:00.000-07:00Who's Kanye West? LOL.Anyway, I do agree about th...Who's Kanye West? LOL.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, I do agree about this stereotyping of certain kinds of looks as being definitely narcissistic. One movie that I liked, however, that I thought had a non-stereotypical depiction of an MN was Disney's _Beauty and the Beast_, believe it or not. The MN in that movie looked like he would be the hero of the movie, but he was actually the main villain.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-66499604072586166282008-12-18T10:52:00.000-07:002008-12-18T10:52:00.000-07:00RE: Anonymous Dec 16, 2008 10:14:00Of course "Gene...RE: Anonymous Dec 16, 2008 10:14:00<BR/><BR/>Of course "Generation Smug" is a generalization, just like Gen X, Y, the lost generation, etc. The point is to discuss general tendencies. It's amusing to hear Kanye West call himself the voice of this upcoming generation and compare himself to artists who actually revolutionized music such as Elvis and Hendrix. When Elvis swung his hips in the 50s or when Jimi played his guitar with his teeth in the 60s no one had ever seen such wonders on a stage. No one ever heard such sounds. West took a song from the techno band Daft Punk, blathered (um, rapped) all over it and considers himself in league with rock's pioneers. He is certainly smug, if not a narcissist, and it's interesting he himself claims to represent this generation. It's a generation of recycling matched by a huge "anxiety of influence." That's like when you rehash stuff from the eighties but can't bring yourselves to admit to an incapacity for originality. That's pretty smug, even if it's not narcissistic.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-2227017368737982272008-12-18T09:54:00.000-07:002008-12-18T09:54:00.000-07:00I can't help but notice how much he resembles Mike...I can't help but notice how much he resembles Mike Myers in "So I Married an Axe Murderer":<BR/><BR/>http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2084609024/tt0108174Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-64845764198458252492008-12-17T15:54:00.000-07:002008-12-17T15:54:00.000-07:00Anna:Just want to say again how much I appreciate ...Anna:<BR/><BR/>Just want to say again how much I appreciate your insights, as well as the pithy way you convey them.<BR/><BR/>LindaLinda of Connecticuthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04179791000048786715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-21453100002715842882008-12-17T07:31:00.000-07:002008-12-17T07:31:00.000-07:00RE: Anonymous Dec 16, 2008 10:14:00Exactly. (I wi...RE: Anonymous Dec 16, 2008 10:14:00<BR/><BR/>Exactly. (I wish I could say things how you say them. Arrrggghh!)<BR/><BR/>While we're at it: There is no more a 'look' or a 'type' for an N than there is a 'look' or a 'type' for us sucker-punched victims. This shit crosses all 'boundaries'....both predator and victim come from every single walk of life, slipping under the radar of 'normal' detection. The predator 'shifts' tactics WITH the victim's 'variables'. They are Changelings. Don't even try to categorize them outside of their Evil Behaviour. If you do? That's a vulnerability that leaves you open to one. He/she WILL find you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-54223657312875123662008-12-16T22:14:00.000-07:002008-12-16T22:14:00.000-07:00Re: "Generation Smug" - how ironic reading some st...Re: "Generation Smug" - how ironic reading some stranger generalize your entire generation under a flaw that only some have in a discussion that suggest not to generalize by looks.<BR/><BR/>Re: Behavior vs Looks - This is why I try to talk about Ns to as many people who can handle it. Every time you hear Stupid Disinformation on the news, it makes it harder for us who have gone through it to try to cure the curse and the consequences of MN. Malignant Narcissism is not a tantrum. It is not a cry for help. It is not a joke, or a misunderstanding. Malignant Narcissism is PREDATORY BEHAVIOR! And predators have never had a "look". Just look at pictures of known psychopaths or murderers. Their actions tell the story, not their faces.<BR/><BR/>As for psychologists, I expect them to have compassion, good listening skills, creativity and enough emotional maturity to know what to do with it all. I expect them NOT to give a diagnosis about people they've never met and NOT to distort what I tell them, either by trivializing, rewriting what I tell them, etc. I haven't yet met many people in society having all of these skills though.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-30773911065743619342008-12-16T21:48:00.000-07:002008-12-16T21:48:00.000-07:00Billie....thank you for commenting, though....beli...Billie....thank you for commenting, though....believe me...it takes a lot more than what you originally said to offend me. (In the world of things that are really, truly offensive...that ain't it)<BR/><BR/>All I was trying to do was make certain that nothing is misconstrued....that the emphasis remains on 'behaviour'...and perhaps I underestimated the readers' ability to not miss the point.<BR/><BR/>I am grateful and proud to be a part of this blog. Thank you ALL for each and every comment, every example, all the support and encouragement. Thank you, Anna.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-38636820107013078332008-12-16T16:09:00.000-07:002008-12-16T16:09:00.000-07:00Appearance is everything to every N, but not all N...Appearance is everything to every N, but not all N's are into looking attractive. It depends on what cover they've chosen. If an N's persona is the tragic victim, for example, they'll most likely cultivate a haggard look. Simply being vain doesn't make you an N.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-67069055181827923212008-12-16T15:08:00.000-07:002008-12-16T15:08:00.000-07:00KRL: I'm so sorry if my post came off as offensive...KRL: I'm so sorry if my post came off as offensive...I was only trying to say that the n's I knew weren't terribly flashy, perfect-looking people...and I feel the need to explain that my comment on my grandmother and her hair really only came up because she did not want to come to my graduation party - she used that as an excuse, because wanted to be able to pretend she would be front-and-center if she had arrived, but on some level guessed probably not. Again, no offense intended - and certainly, the summation of the evils of narcissism is inherent in behavior only - physical appearance of a person cannot do any such harm (or good, conversely) as their behavior.Besshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08211150594109190701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-69817001520446062822008-12-16T12:41:00.000-07:002008-12-16T12:41:00.000-07:00"Maybe Blago is just an a-hole who happens to have..."Maybe Blago is just an a-hole who happens to have abominable floofy hair"<BR/><BR/>Billie, I laughed so hard at what you wrote!! Am still laughing...<BR/><BR/>FYI: I happen to have abominable floofy hair that I get hedged down on a regular basis by someone who knows how to cut big hair. I certainly don't wear it the same way I did in the 80's when bigness was all the rage. <BR/><BR/>Blago needs a Manover!<BR/><BR/>Sometimes I think that these people who could improve their looks and style have no friends, or the people around them are too afraid to tell them they look weird...A narcissistic tantrum perhaps?<BR/><BR/>Anyway, my Dad's a major Narc, drives a spotless mercedes, lives in what we call the "mosaleum" and is impeccably groomed. His stately, old gent look certainly disguises the fact that his mind is warped. Talk about living in an alternate universe. One where he believes he is how he looks. <BR/><BR/>Interesting that the old narc has enough of a grasp on reality to get the societal disguise down pat. But projecting false images (untruth) is their specialty and ultimately their reality. <BR/><BR/>They are all just big fat liars and I wish they wore cow bells!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-44037389769024590892008-12-16T12:22:00.000-07:002008-12-16T12:22:00.000-07:00Thanks, krl, for your emphasis on BEHAVIOR. It is...Thanks, krl, for your emphasis on BEHAVIOR. It is what I'd like people to stay focused on. We can think we see patterns when we only know one or two narcissists, but I'm here to tell ya that the variations of narcissists are legion. Patterns based on hairdos, fashion sense, neatness, disorganization, etc. invariably break down. What doesn't break down is that narcissists behave consistently in certain ways that we can't necessarily detect by a quick glance at their persons or their environment. People always are attracted to methods of quickly deducing personalities and character types which has led to legions of book with various formulas and categorizations of behavior and people. These books and/or programs sell like hot cakes because people want an easy, fool proof way to sort and categorize the world around them. "The four temperaments" and astrology are two examples of this. <BR/><BR/>Anyway, thanks for trying to keep everyone focused on behaviors vs. appearance. It is a focus which must be maintained if a person is going to rightly identify the MNs in their midst.Anna Valerioushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-20908192937491611292008-12-16T11:41:00.000-07:002008-12-16T11:41:00.000-07:00RE: greendaze44\Angela said... As far as 'parallel...RE: greendaze44\Angela said... <BR/><BR/>As far as 'parallels'....hmmmm. Could be....but also not. (Ya still have to go by BEHAVIOR)<BR/><BR/>The only reason I say this...is because....I AM NOT A NARCISSIST...and I tend toward 'messy'....yet understand that a certain amount of 'tidiness' goes with being in the work force, organization, order, etc. No....I DO NOT want someone to look in my closet...or drawers...etc. I've been busy taking care of Ns for years....and my PERSONAL LIFE went by the wayside. NOW, I am working on getting some of this stuff 'in order'. Also....NO...I DON'T want my picture taken on a 'bad hair day' (RE: Billie) I can look 'bad' or I can look 'good'....and I'm not real keen on not 'putting my best foot forward'. DON'T 'just drop by anytime'....and DON'T look in my drawer or closets....etc. I AM 'self-conscious' about what I am wearing or how I look and about some of my 'messes'. No way around it.<BR/><BR/>I will admit there could be 'parallels'....but it would be a snap judgement on anyone's part short of an observation of N behaviour to go along with it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-87792922839745339372008-12-16T10:51:00.000-07:002008-12-16T10:51:00.000-07:00Right on, NarcFree! Thank you.Right on, NarcFree! Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-52239738317930729952008-12-16T10:37:00.000-07:002008-12-16T10:37:00.000-07:00The Ns I've known were pretty plain in their dress...The Ns I've known were pretty plain in their dress and style - but my Ngrandmother was very vain despite that...her hair was thin because of medication she had to take, and she refused to come to my high school graduation party because she didn't want pictures to be taken of her when her hair didn't look like she liked it. (For the record, she still looked fine...her hair wasn't bad at all, but...) Maybe Blago is an a-hole who just happens to have abominable floofy hair - but it wouldn't surprise me if vanity stemming from narcissism may play a part in the floof.Besshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08211150594109190701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-50738363025057339112008-12-16T10:30:00.000-07:002008-12-16T10:30:00.000-07:00One time I was in a person's office that I worked ...One time I was in a person's office that I worked with. His office was always very tidy and clean, but one day he opened a drawer in his desk and it was a mess! What I learned from that experience is there are people who look good on the outside, but are a mess on the inside. Inside being their thoughts, personal life, etc. Then there are those that you see that their desk is a bit messy, but you open their drawers and it is nice and neat. That's because they don't put things away unless they can put it up correctly or in an organized way. I fall into the second category, so my theory on the personality type of the second is that I may look a bit messy on the outside, but inside I am very meticulous and open person, who doesn't mind if you look in my drawers.<BR/>Well, that is my observation in the short form. Has anyone else ever noticed these parallels?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-17618851382357998302008-12-16T08:55:00.000-07:002008-12-16T08:55:00.000-07:00I've learned to say little when it comes to my ILs...I've learned to say little when it comes to my ILs. People don't "get it." They say "oh, you've been hurt. You MUST forgive if you want to let go." NEVER do they say "What horrible people! You've been victimized!"<BR/><BR/>I had been part of a wonderful online grief support group (chat room) now defunct. I was a member since shortly after my DH was diagnosed, and was very supported thoughout his illness and after his death, and I believe I gave support also.<BR/><BR/>Until my NSIL stalked me there. The webmaster would "trap" her ISP and other identifying codes and would tell me when she entered the room (she changed her name all the time). She knew I was there and didn't realize I recognized her. She came in as a grieving sibling and said horrible things about her deceased sibling's spouse. Shook me to the core. I had just lost my husband!<BR/><BR/>I did not think we both could be in the same chatroom. I let those whom I trusted in on the fact this "grieving" person was my SIL and this was an attack. She even entered the room over 70x in one night by erasing cookies and changing her ISP codes. <BR/><BR/>One woman, whom I had struck up a friendship, suddenly became anti-me. She couldn't believe how heartless I was to not want my NSIL in the room (after all, the poor dear lost her brother) and I shouldn't take so personnally her rantings about the sibling's spouse (she is hurting, you know).<BR/><BR/>But the kicker?? She actually emailed the webmaster and decided there should be an "intervention"!!! SHE had taken SOME COURSES on how to recognize drug addiction and surely I must be abusing my DH's pain meds!! I have never met this woman, she lives on the West Coast (I'm on the East Coast), but surely my ILs can't be THAT bad. Must be I'm using drugs. <BR/>SHE is an EXPERT. I'm heartless, have no compassion, and now drug-addicted. Sheesh.<BR/><BR/>Fortunately, the webmaster is a very savvy guy and promptly told her to back off.<BR/><BR/>Very few people truly comprehend Ns.<BR/><BR/>- KathleenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-58727913680540833742008-12-16T00:26:00.000-07:002008-12-16T00:26:00.000-07:00I just went from tears of sadness reading earlier ...I just went from tears of sadness reading earlier posts (wishing everyone could just go a non-negotiable NC to the Narcs in their lives) to tears of laughter on the variety of observations on Blago's hair.<BR/><BR/>Sister Renee you made me chuckle because I too have wondered about these people who are groomed inappropriately for their age and the given decade. <BR/><BR/>One of my theories is that they reached a "peak" in their life of popularity, attention, personal satisfaction and,happiness when they were sporting a certain look, be it a fake tan, feathered bangs, black eye liner, leg warmers, what have you... so they are just desperately clinging to a certain look they had at a time in their life when things were good, hoping by looking the same, they can reclaim the life that was.<BR/><BR/>My other theory is there are people who are just sort of an excessive personality type. They are showy and need to be noticed even if people are looking at them in horror. Other people may be just lazy and uncreative and clueless.<BR/><BR/>Back to Blago's hair - my guess is he was riding high when that do of his was in style and so he just stuck with the same old lid that always worked so well for him in the PAST. <BR/><BR/>As for all the other victims of fashion and style crimes they have created a genre of endless TV make over shows and it seems most of these people who are trapped in these dated, ridiculous looks are not very happy. <BR/><BR/>I'm sure there are Narcs and normals out there that are fashion disasters but once again, Kudos Anna for slamming the shameless idiocracy of those "so-called professionals"!! <BR/><BR/>It's no wonder some of those Quacks don't utter a word in therapy... The more they say, the stupider they sound.<BR/><BR/>The only experts on NPD are we, the victims and survivors. Everyone else should keep their traps shut on the subject!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-33370729117554740852008-12-15T15:33:00.000-07:002008-12-15T15:33:00.000-07:00I agree it is totally irresponsible for the shrink...I agree it is totally irresponsible for the shrink to make such statements. It really minimizes what NPD is about. This reporting sounds like something done for interest, like a quick sexy little tidbit to attract readers. <BR/><BR/>It is true that Ns have a tendency to notice people who look well put together, and even obsess about it. My NM simply hated this other mother in town who was attractive and had a convertible sports car. NM had never met her or had dealings with her so she didn't know her at all. <BR/><BR/>If attention to hair were an indicator of NPD, I would be guilty because I like having nicely styled hair. My Nsister on the other hand, wears a simple ponytail. She tries very hard to make it appear that she puts little effort into her appearance and that she has "natural" beauty.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-7374206726030181912008-12-15T14:54:00.000-07:002008-12-15T14:54:00.000-07:00Great post, Anna. It underscores what I've been t...Great post, Anna. It underscores what I've been thinking for a long time. Those with no personal experience dealing with a MN assume it's all about physical appearance. <BR/><BR/>They have no idea how far down the rabbit hole really goes. No inkling of how much cruelty, deceit and manipulation is concealed behind that smiling face. And even if you told them, they wouldn't believe you. Do they ever? It sometimes feels like you know vampires really exist because you've been attacked by one. But no one believes your crazy story.<BR/><BR/>Unless you have first-hand experience with a MN, the idea of someone dedicating every moment of their existence to the covert abuse of others is just too absurd to even consider. I suppose that makes them the lucky ones.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-31951532549231902072008-12-15T14:35:00.000-07:002008-12-15T14:35:00.000-07:00Great post Anna. You really don't think it is a t...Great post Anna. You really don't think it is a toupee? I am convinced it is a rug, but maybe you have a point. I had an N-dad (late) and he would never have raged or demanded to others like Blago. He (my n-dad) cultivated an elevated and saintly image in public, and did his dirty knifing usually one-on-one, or when he could manipulate a small number of minds reliably - like setting one against another. Or, just before appearing in public, so the person who just got knifed would look unhappy, while my dad would do a blissful star turn. So Blago is not behaving in a way that I personally recognize from experience. While Blago is repellent, to me he doesn't seem that much different than his colleagues, current scurrying to distance themselves, but formerly apparently more than willing to do business in the "Chicago Way."<BR/>I'm not holding my breath either.Waynesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03394360929337894232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32237145.post-68331596071747235622008-12-15T12:58:00.000-07:002008-12-15T12:58:00.000-07:00Ah, yes. There are many signs of Blago being a ma...Ah, yes. There are many signs of Blago being a malignant narcissist in this article. His rages over his hairbrush tell us much more than just looking at his hair would tell us. What a detestable wretch. Can anything good come out of the Chicago political machine? T'aint holdin' my breath.Anna Valerioushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02537877317873251678noreply@blogger.com